Amel Counseling Blog
Child Therapy FAQ
How Can I Tell If My Child Needs Therapy?
Oftentimes, parents consider therapy when they feel what they have tried to do is not working. They can’t figure out how to help their kids manage their emotions better. Parents come to therapists when their strategies turn to arguments. Or, when their concerns get validated, and they feel like their kid is struggling.
But, there is no real way to answer the question of if your child needs therapy. Not without an evaluation and intake session. This is because every child is different.
Some of the things that you, as a parent, can look out for are:
Difficulties adjusting to a big change or changes in your kid’s life
Lashing out or having temper tantrums
Socially withdrawing from their peers
Increase/decrease in sleep and/or appetite
Any change in your child’s behavior that seems to be unpleasantly affecting their lives
If you have found this blog post, you have likely noticed a change in your child’s behavior. You've likely been doing your research about it, and are wondering if a therapist would be able to help.
It doesn’t hurt to reach out and schedule a consultation just in case!
How Long Will My Kid Be In Therapy?
This question is very hard for clinicians to answer. It is difficult with a given situation at hand but much less for general FAQ purposes. But parents do ask this a lot!
It really does depend on:
The child
Their comfort level
The situation that brings them to sessions
The therapist
Their support system
A better way to answer this question would be if the child and parents are on board and involved in treatment. Is the child warming up to therapy easily? Is the situation not too severe/traumatic? If the family is working on all the new changes and toward the agreed-upon goals, the child therapist can make quick progress. Thus, shortening the length of treatment.
The length of therapy, goals, and child’s progress is something you should know about every step of the way. A good child therapist will always include the parents in their child’s treatment.
What Are Some Of The Expectations From My Child In Therapy?
Your child’s therapist should start with an intake session. Here, they gather background information about the situation at hand. They will ask how long you have been feeling worried about your child. They should also ask about your child’s and family’s history.
In the meantime, it is vital that your child and you feel comfortable with the child therapist. And, that they come across as warm and friendly.
A very important part of this first session is making a list of attainable goals together. These goals should be ones that everybody agrees on. Everybody involved in child therapy needs to be on the same page about the goals. Only by doing so can a child therapist and client work toward them together.
What to Expect From Child Therapy in Philadelphia, PA
First, child therapy goals are set and a plan is created. The child therapist should tell you how often they would like to have sessions with your child. Then, they can put you on their schedule.
The clinician should also go over the rules of confidentiality during this time. Plus, they should make sure that your child understands them as well.
After the first intake session, you as the parent should be expected to have involvement in child therapy. This occurs on occasion on some level. It would be considered a red flag if you are not expected to take part whatsoever.
Another expectation that you should have from therapy is that it should not be a “be-all-end-all” fix.
You should not expect to send your child to therapy for their therapist to fix for you. There should be “homework.” Or, things that your family needs to install within the home to reach progress together.
Another expectation should be that your child feels comfortable with the clinician and you feel they are a good fit.
You may be a parent of a child that you feel needs more support with managing their emotions. Or, working through a situation. If so, you may have some more questions than the ones answered in this blog post.
The more specific questions about your situation would need to be answered in a free, 15-minute consultation call. Feel free to schedule today!
Begin Child Therapy in Philadelphia, PA
Our team of therapists understands how hard it can be to find the right therapist to address your child's concerns. We can support your family from your Philadelphia, PA-based counseling practice. To start therapy and have any other questions answered, please follow these steps:
Meet with a caring therapist
Start thriving with the support of a child therapist
Other Services Offered with Amel Counseling
Child therapy isn't the only service offered at our Philadelphia, PA-based therapy practice. Our team also offers online therapy, play therapy, counseling for teens, grief and loss therapy, therapy for teens and kids of color, and support for parents. Learn more about parent coaching or our available groups including the worry warriors, culturally confident teen group, and our teen girls group.
Does My Child Have Seasonal Affective Disorder?
As a parent, you are always trying to look out for your kids and make sure they are healthy on a physical and mental level.
But, some people tend to struggle extra this time of year. The sun is setting earlier, it is getting colder, and people are staying home more.
People can experience symptoms of depression during specific months of the year. When this happens it's called Seasonal Affective Disorder. It often occurs during the fall or winter. These symptoms include:
Irritability
Fatigue
Hopelessness
Change in appetite and sleep
And suicidal ideation
But, it would not be considered Major Depressive Disorder. This is because symptoms come and go at certain times of the year.
In the same way that children can experience depression, they can experience Seasonal Affective Disorder. So, they may also experience symptoms for the duration of a season.
Here is a more comprehensive list of the symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder in children. These symptoms can look different in a specific age group.
Feeling hopeless, worthless, or numb
Losing or gaining weight
Appetite changes
Sleeping more or less
Feeling extra sad, anxious, or irritable for no obvious reason
Fatigue
Low energy levels
Not enjoying the things they usually love, like sports, shows, etc
Social isolation
Lashing out
Being very self-critical
Self-harm
Suicidal ideation
Understanding Your Child’s Behavior
All children get moody at times. Having a bad day or a hard time is not an indicator of Seasonal Affective Disorder. So, how can you determine the difference between having a bad day vs a psychological disorder?
Parents should compare the “new” behavior against their child’s “normal.” Whatever that means for them. These symptoms would need to exist for at least 2 weeks, and not have an obvious stressor or cause to be Seasonal Affective Disorder. In short, parents should notice a true pattern of these symptoms that seem to come out of nowhere. Then, they should determine the next steps.
So, what are the next steps?
If your child exhibits these symptoms during certain months, and you have ruled out the possibility of a stressor or cause, it could very well be that they will be diagnosed with Seasonal Affective Disorder. It would be important to consider speaking with their doctor. Plus, scheduling an appointment with a child therapist.
In most cases, Seasonal Affective Disorder can be treated with therapy alone. A good-fit child therapist who uses play therapy, CBT, and child-centered therapy would be ideal in this situation. If you don't have time in your schedule to make in-person sessions, online therapy may be the answer! A child therapist in Philadelphia, PA can offer online therapy for kids in Pennsylvania and more!
Begin Working with a Child Therapist in Philadelphia, PA
You and your child deserve support in dealing with your depressive symptoms. Our team of therapists would be happy to equip you with the tools to do so. We offer support from our Philadelphia, PA-based counseling practice. To start your therapy journey, please follow these simple steps:
Meet with a caring therapist
Start overcoming your seasonal depressive symptoms
Other Services Offered with Amel Therapy
Child therapy isn't the only service we offer at our Philadelphia, PA-based practice. We also offer play therapy, counseling for teens, and grief therapy. Other mental health services offered include parent coaching, therapy for kids and teens of color, and parent support. Feel free to also learn more about our group offerings. This includes the worry warriors, culturally confident teen group, and teen girls group. Visit our blog or media pages for more helpful information!.
A Therapist Shares 7 Activities to Get You in The Holiday Spirit
Maybe the holidays are not really feeling very “holiday-y” to you this year. Maybe you had to quarantine (again), maybe you have not seen your family from out of state in a very long time, or maybe you have just generally lost a feel for time since 2020.
The holidays have been so weird for us all, and it can really put us in a funk when we aren’t feeling festive or giddy for traditions we usually enjoy.
Basically… It's a huge bummer!
So, what are some activities you can do to get your holiday spirit back, no matter what your strange or unique situation may be this holiday season?
Make some homemade ornaments and decorations for your space!
There have been a lot of viral videos on how to make homemade ribbons for people’s gifts, how to DIY some more personal, special Christmas tree ornaments, and how to turn your old pumpkins into a snowman. Get crafting!
Do some holiday baking
No matter what you are celebrating this holiday season, you can always do some holiday baking to get yourself in the mood. Listen to some holiday music, throw on your favorite holiday movie, or simply just turn on the fireplace and get baking! Even better, invite some friends or family over if you are able to safely spend time together and bake with them.
3. Host a holiday party
Have some friends over for some holiday inspired cocktails, treats, and fun. Make it more interesting by including a White Elephant or a Pollyanna. You could even have it be themed and have everyone dress up. If you are not comfortable with this, have a holiday party via zoom or FaceTime. If you’re social distance partying, decorate your background and dress up! Make it feel real.
4. Shop for a real Christmas Tree this year.
Bring the family or whoever you live with and go buy a real tree from your local store. Sometimes shopping for a real tree can make all the difference. Plus, it can be a new tradition, and this is also something you can safely do no matter the situation with Covid.
5. Do a Secret Santa gift exchange with family or friends.
This is different than White Elephant or Pollyanna because you would be pulling a name out of a hat and shopping for someone specific. However, this is definitely something you can still do regardless of if you are social distancing or quarantining for the holidays this year, because you do not need to physically be in-person for the exchange. Wrap it up and leave it at your friend or sibling’s front door! Have a zoom call after where you try to guess who your Secret Santa was!
6. A winter getaway
There are plenty of ski lodges and indoor resorts that are following necessary steps to keep their guests safe this holiday season. All of which have a festive, holiday feel. Whatever you need to do to feel some level of normalcy this year! Take a short vacation with a couple of friends or your family! You deserve it!
7. Decorate a gingerbread house
This one is great for a household with kids, but still a lot of fun even for adults. Sometimes it’s just nice to do something festive in the name of holiday traditions, even if you don’t care for gingerbread. You can even make it interesting by turning it into a challenge, and have friends/family vote for which one is the best.
Creating new holiday traditions or participating in some extra festive activities may really help you feel a sense of excitement this holiday season if you don’t.
It’s okay to not be okay right now.
If this past year and a half has been especially rough on your mental health, and you feel like you may be in need of some extra support, please reach out to one of our therapists and schedule a consultation today.
A Therapist Shares Winter Vacation Spots in PA
Are you and your kids getting stir crazy this winter?
Did you finally get the kids vaccinated and want to take a short vacation together after not doing much all of 2020 and 2021?
You would love to get the family out and about to do something together, but you don’t want to travel via airplane just yet. Or maybe, you want to take a short trip just to have some fun together, but you want to go somewhere that really prioritizes safety and has activities to keep your younger ones busy and happy.
We’ve got some ideas for family-friendly vacations that are local for you to check out this winter! Bonus: they have great Covid-safety policies!
Great Wolf Lodge in Poconos, PA
Great Wolf Lodge is a resort in the Poconos that has an indoor water park, mini golf, bowling, and great restaurants. Your family will certainly enjoy themselves! Plus, they have measures in place to protect their guests and follow the CDC Guidelines closely.
Hershey Lodge in Hershey, PA
Hershey Lodge is a resort located near the Hershey theme park, which has a lot of exciting and fun things to do in the wintertime! Additionally, you could take the family to tour Hershey Chocolate World. Again, Hershey Lodge has precautions in place for Covid, so you can relax and enjoy.
Kalahari Resort in Poconos, PA
This resort in the Poconos is fairly new, and also has an indoor water park. Some additional activities include surfing simulator, scavenger hunts, VR activities, and escape rooms. Your kids would love it!
Longwood Gardens in Chester County, PA
Although this option is not much of a “stay away vacation” it can truly be an all day & all night event! For a family that needs a bit of a getaway, but can’t fully commit to a vacation, this one’s for you! Longwood Gardens is not just gorgeous in the warm months. It is truly a sight to see in the winter, especially around the holidays as they do amazing work decorating each garden together. Your family will be amazed at how beautiful the 1,077 acres of unique gardens are. Once again, the staff works hard to make it a safe place in these times.
Camelback Lodge in Poconos, PA
Similar to some of the others on the list, Camelback is a family resort that has an indoor water park. It also has outdoor fun, such as snow and ski activities! Additionally, it’s got laser tag, movie theatres, axe throwing, restaurants, holiday traditions, and rope obstacle courses. There’s something for everyone. Your family can truly stay busy here for a few days! They follow the CDC Guidelines as well.
I know the past year and a half + has been very hard on all of us.
Some of us have been stuck mostly at home for a very, very long time, and have not taken a family vacation since 2019.
These recommendations can really hit the reset button and remind your family how important it is to take small getaways together and make beautiful memories as a family!
A Family Therapist Shares 18 Winter Family Bonding Activities
Do you feel seasonal boredom setting in on your family? Perhaps you guys are getting stuck in a somewhat monotonous cycle of TV watching and need some creative ideas for your family to have some fun together.
I know it can get tough to be creative when it gets chilly out, but we’ve got some great ideas for you!
Decorate your house! If there are holidays that your family celebrates approaching, you and your kids can help each other decorate for each one. This can also lead to funny stories if there are decorations that remind you of a memory. If there are no holidays that you celebrate coming up, you can always decorate for winter in general! Make some paper snowflakes, build cotton snowmen, add some glitter, spray your windows, and voila!
Baking! Baking is so fun for the family. It can really teach your kids skills like following directions, having patience, and that progress can be achieved with practice. It’s also a great bonding experience to work on baking something together, and give each kid special jobs. Lastly, mixing, kneading, and decorating is super relaxing for kids.
Movie nights with popcorn! Everybody can get their PJ’s on, pop some buttery popcorn, get under some blankets, turn the lights off, and take turns picking a family member who can choose the movie for the night. It’s more exciting than mindlessly watching TV, and more intimate to watch movies their family members enjoy.
Arts and crafts days are great. Kids and teens love creating art in a space where nobody is judging how “good” it is, and it can lead to some great conversations as well. Hit up your local arts and crafts store and take turns letting a family member choose the craft for the day.
Go ice skating or bowling. These activities are a great time for families to do together and can bring out new skills in your kids or teens. Lots of communities have indoor and outdoor rinks, and bowling alleys usually have lots of arcade games and snacks as well.
Game nights! Board games are a lot of fun for families and can teach kids important skills as well. Game nights usually bring out a lot of laughs, kids’ competitive sides, and create great memories. Some recommendations of family games that kids love are Head’s Up, Sorry, Candyland, and Left Right Center.
Winter clothing cleaned-out. Cleaning out the closets with the kids can be an awesome activity for the whole family to do. Bonus points if you decide to donate your family’s old clothes, and explain to your kids that people who are in need of their clothes this cold winter will be getting them. It’s a perfect teaching opportunity to show kids the importance of cleaning out clothes that no longer fit or that they do not need, and to get in the spirit of giving. Kids usually love feeling a sense of purpose and doing good deeds.
Dance parties or fun music! Let your kids put on a show for you. If instruments or singing is their thing, let them put on a concert. If they like to dance, let them make up dances together and perform them. You can also get really into this by creating fake tickets, paying for them with fake money, and pulling up fake seats facing a stage!
Fire and s’mores, a classic combo on a chilly night! Build a fire, pull out some lawn chairs, and get to roasting! It’s seriously one of the best settings to tell stories, too!
Eat a kid-cooked dinner. Yup! Let your kids choose an easy meal to make for you for dinner. To make it even more fun, help them create the menus to hand out and even have them dress up as waiters. You can also set up your house to resemble a restaurant. Get creative!
Find your art materials out in nature and create something with it. Pinecones, fallen leaves, sticks, rocks, etc. Whatever you can find and collect, put it in a bin and then let your kids decide what they are able to make with it. Tip: get a hot glue gun and some construction paper for this one.
Living room camping. It may be too cold for backyard camping, but building a fort/tent in the living room and turning out all the lights never gets old! Bring some snacks, flashlights, and all the family members/pets into your biggest room to camp out together and unplug from your devices. Take it as seriously as real-life camping!
Breakfast for dinner. Kids love having pancakes, waffles, french toast, and eggs for dinner. Something so simple as cooking a different meal at a different time really excites them! Cook it together!
Real SNOW-cone. Next time it snows, go out and gather some snow, pour flavored syrup on it, and make a sno-cone with real snow.
Play outside! Especially on a snow day, kids love getting outside and enjoying it. Build some snowmen together. Build your family as a snow-family! Bundle up and get out there for a bit! Have some hot cocoa afterwards to warm up!
Take an art class together as a family. Whether your family’s jam is painting, ceramics, or clay, there are a variety of art classes offered in all different areas. Try to find something that your family would enjoy doing.
A You-Tube yoga class. Move all the furniture in the living room over, put some yoga on your TV, and let your kids give it a whirl. It won’t be perfect, but it’ll be a lot of fun! I’m sure you will have some giggles as well.
Costume photoshoots are a HIT with a lot of families. Let your kids put on any dress-up clothes they have or costumes from Halloween's past. Take photos of them modeling them. Or, have your family members dress up in each other’s clothes and act like each other. Take videos and photos. You guys will probably find it hilarious.
I know some of these may be hard to do, depending on where we’re at in the pandemic and what is exactly allowed. Just remember to be safe in doing so, but switching it up with your family is super important. A lot of people struggle when it starts to get dark earlier, cold out, and they are not able to do summer outdoor activities anymore. Hopefully some of these winter family bonding activities can help your family bond together but also help with the winter blues!
Remember to reach out to a therapist if you feel that your kid or teen may be struggling with their mental health this winter and needs some additional support. We’re here to help!
How to Manage Social Anxiety During Holiday Gatherings
People who deal with social anxiety will always be the first to admit that it gets tough over the holidays.
There’s a lot of people together, sometimes family that you don’t see very often, and it gets crowded and loud.
Sometimes there’s family members who ask a lot of questions and tend to pry. People who have social anxiety typically have a difficult time socializing in general, much less in a hectic environment in an interview-type manner. Anxieties can certainly get heightened.
On top of an already difficult situation, Covid has definitely added a layer of anxiety surrounding social gatherings as well, even for people who did not previously struggle with social anxiety.
Let’s not forget that our children and adolescents experience social anxiety too, and can have a difficult time managing it at holiday parties as well. This can make it a struggle for the whole family and feel like a real obstacle as the holidays roll around!
You want this to be a lovely, relaxing, heart-warming time, but you can’t help but worry about how it’s going to go with your kids who have so many different factors affecting their social anxiety.
Here are some tips to help manage your kid’s social anxiety:
Holiday sweets are the best! But make sure you are also keeping your kids on their normal, nutritious diet. Too much sugar for a prolonged period of time can have an affect on your kid’s mental health, and a poor diet can make them start to feel run down, making it difficult to be social.
Set realistic expectations for your kid or teen. Do not expect them to walk into the party and be a source of entertainment or a comedian. If they want to sit back and enjoy the party on the sidelines rather than directly interact with other kids, let them. If they warm up, they warm up. Let them do it at their own pace.
Try your best to keep your set routines. Kids and teens with social anxiety love routines because it is predictable, and they fear the unknown. The holidays make it difficult, but try to have your day resemble the best form of normalcy as possible. Talk them through the event prior to arriving so that they know what to expect as far as what will be different. Giving them a “preview” may really soothe them since they will then know what to expect.
Their sleep schedule is super important. Lots of families stay up later together during the holidays, whether it be watching Christmas movies or playing games after their Thanksgiving dinner. However, if it’s going to make your child’s social anxiety spin out of control, it’s more important to make sure they are getting their rest. They need rest to recharge.
Track their symptoms. Kids have a lot of somatic (physical) symptoms of anxiety. If they are complaining about tummy aches or headaches when their cousins are running wild and yelling, keep a journal and write it down. It may be helpful for your kid and you to see what triggers they have. It can also be helpful to their therapist or pediatrician to know this.
Carve out quality time to spend with your kid or teen. Your child feels safe at home, around you, and needs those feelings in order to feel strong enough to overcome their future worries regarding holidays. It’s hard to set aside time when families are so busy during the holidays, but it’s certainly important!
Practice things! Practice your child or teen’s coping skills with them. Let them practice different ones and see what they like. Let them practice chit chatting with you if it makes them feel better and more comfortable.
Examples of different coping skills that may work for your child or teen’s social anxiety:
Worry boxes: let them write down their worries and put them away in a box.
Journaling: writing down their thoughts and concerns can help them get them out of their head.
Alone time button: make your kid a button that they can push to let people know they need some space, and they can push it and go to a corner of the room to take a breather.
Breathing exercises
Stress ball/ fidgets
Relaxing music
Coloring, drawing, or painting: art can be really relaxing for kids and teens, and it’s also portable and can come with you to a holiday party.
Portable coping kit: a little bit of everything in a small bin that they can bring so that they know that they have options if they are not feeling well.
For more support regarding your kid or teen who may be struggling with social anxiety, especially around the holidays and especially following Covid, reach out now for a free consultation with one of our therapists at Amel.
3 Tips For Managing Kids' Screen Time
Technology is a wonderful thing…….in some ways.
If you are a parent in a home where technology is turning your kids into cranky monsters, making your days all-out wars, and you’re starting to wish that we never made technological advancements, this post is for YOU!
You want your kid to use technology less, but the fighting over it causes so much stress in your household that you just don’t need. You probably find yourself giving in just to catch a break.
There is definitely such a thing as too much screen time, and your kids are likely becoming consumed by their tablet, phone, etc. You may even be considering “accidentally” running it over with your car.
But, you can’t do that. So, what can you do?
A good place to start is to throw away the idea of all-or-nothing. There is never going to be a “nothing” when it comes to your kids using technology, because it’s everywhere.
If you are clinging to the notion that you can eliminate technology from your kid’s life, but then there comes a time when it’s unavoidable, that gives them the idea that you were not serious about your boundaries, when really they were just unattainable.
As a parent, you will want to find some compromise, some middle ground, some balance.
It’s good to think of it on a spectrum with too little and too much on either end.
Here are some ways that you can find a nice sweet-spot in the middle, and where exactly works for your family to fall along the spectrum of too little or too much screen time.
Manage your own screen time. YEP. Let’s get the toughie out of the way. Kids learn from what is modeled for them. If you are totally addicted to your phone, your kid is going to have a hard time listening to you about using their tablet less. They may even point it out. If you want to see a reduction in their reliance on technology in order to keep themselves occupied, you may want to do the same for yourself. Read books, do puzzles, get some family activities going, etc.
Designate “No Tech Times” throughout the day where you turn everything off. A lot of families choose to have this during meal times, at the end of the night (closer to bedtime) or at certain events/ vacations. Whatever works for your family, do. The most important thing about this is to hold the boundary firm without making exceptions unless it’s totally necessary, and to make sure you’re following your own rules. The other important thing is to use this time to do something useful, like playing together, talking/ engaging about each others’ days, doing arts and crafts, or baking.
Get outdoors! Make it a point to actually plan time to get outside. Maybe in the beginning of each week, set aside time that week to do outdoor activities and actually put it on the calendar. Maybe a picnic, a backyard camping night, an afternoon at the playground with friends, frisbee at the park with the dog, whatever! The important thing is that you show the value of being outside and getting fresh air when you are able, because this is good for everybody’s mental health.
If your family has been struggling with the overuse of technology, and you find yourself in an ongoing battle with your kids over their screen time, you may need some extra help with parenting tips or communication within the family. Schedule with a therapist today!
Play Therapy for Teens?
Clinicians who work with children and teens are sometimes faced with a unique challenge: getting them to talk!
Parents often will say that they are not sure if therapy is going to work for their teen, because they hate talking.
The idea that therapy is boring, interview-like, and involves the client sitting still on a couch is a stereotype that comes from movies and shows. This is not a realistic depiction of what it is like to work with kids or even teens!
Another common misconception is that play therapy is only for children ages 10 and under.
Just like kids, teens are a difficult age group to get to talk to adults about what they are struggling with.
Additionally, if a teen is finding therapy boring, they are probably not going to want to go every week.
A creative approach to therapy--such as play therapy, art therapy, and other therapeutic activities--is actually right on-par with the age group that teenagers are in.
Some adults may find this surprising, because some teens have the typical “too cool” attitude towards play. However, when it comes to an adult trying to understand and help them work through their struggles, a teen is going to be a lot more receptive to someone who is not pressuring them to talk about it constantly or act like an adult.
When you think about it, teens have to sit in school ALL DAY and get asked questions. If you have a teenager, you KNOW they come home burnt out from it. Teens hate being asked questions, and you have probably found yourself in an “I don’t know” war with your teen when they get home from an eight hour day of school.
Therapy would be no different; most adolescents in the “I don’t know” age group don’t want to sit down and be asked questions about their problems. They are so much more likely to follow through with therapy if they know it is going to involve different activities.
Creative approaches like art and play therapy involve an indirect exploration of something that the client may be struggling with.
This is another reason why this works amazingly with teens; they don’t have to sit there and attempt to come up with responses (that they usually don’t have) about why they feel how they feel or do what they do.
They are simply able to just be there, feel appreciated, have consistency, and navigate their feelings without having to force words.
Play therapy is about free expression. It is not threatening or aggressive, it does not feel like a huge burden, and (BONUS) it’s not boring.
All of these things are pretty perfect for the developmental stage of teens. Plus, it’s hands-on, which typically means the skills that are learned are more likely to be applied in the home and school setting.
Moreover, when play or art therapy is paired with the strengths-based approach, therapists are allowing the client to explore talents or interests that they may not have prior, while also boosting the client’s confidence.
If you have a teen in your life, or remember being a teen, you know that confidence is something that can often be lacking at different points of that developmental stage. It’s a hard age to be! Being in a judgement-free environment can really encourage the teen to try things that they may not feel comfortable trying in school or with peers, and realize they really have a knack for it!
Creative expression in therapy is a great way to work with a teen’s self-esteem because there is no way to be “bad” at it, it isn’t one-size-fits-all, and it's purposefully geared toward their interests.
Therapists will always meet the teens where they are at and utilize their strengths in creative therapy.
So, if you’re a parent of a teen and you are feeling like talk therapy is not working for them, there’s a chance you’re right about that!
But don’t worry because play and art therapy are not just for kids. They are both great forms of therapy for an adolescent. They are very emotionally engaging, fun, can help the teen explore creative outlets in a judgement-free zone, and can teach important life skills.
If you want to learn more or want to give it a try, schedule a consultation with a therapist today and request creative therapy!
Mental Health Days: Escapes or Breaks?
Just like adults need days to rest and recharge, sometimes our kids and teens express the need to take a break. They are savvily calling it a “mental health day”.
As a parent, you may be wondering if this is appropriate or if it’s a bad idea to let your child take the day off for mental health reasons. What if they are just trying to escape work or a test? Then again, who wants to tell their kid “no” to self-care? So when should you give the school a call or push you dear one out the door with extra love and encouragement?
The answer is… it depends!
Rather than determining if mental health days are good or bad overall, let’s discuss when and why they can be beneficial, versus when and why they do more harm than good.
When + Why it may be a bad idea to let your child take a day off for mental health:
If your child or teen is trying to avoid school because of anxiety. Putting off dealing with this may make it worse, and also may reinforce the idea that avoidance is a proactive and effective response to a bad feeling.
If your child or teen is using this as an excuse to avoid schoolwork. Sometimes it is a good idea to determine the difference between your kid feeling overwhelmed, or just getting a little lazy. It happens to us all! But taking days off because they wanna bum around isn’t the best example for them.
If there is a bigger issue going on. Let’s come back to this at the end -- but if there is a mental health or learning problem at the root of your child often asking to stay home, agreeing to let them take days off is not as good of an idea as getting them the proper help.
If there is something going on with their peers. As we know, kids and teens can deal with a fair amount of drama in their friend groups. However, if they’re trying to stay home just so that they don’t have to confront an issue with their friends, and you give in, this doesn’t exactly teach them problem-solving skills.
When + Why it may be appropriate to let your kid or teen take a mental health day:
If they have been under a lot of stress lately in their personal life, letting them take the occasional day to practice self-care can be really beneficial to them. Sometimes kids and teens have to deal with big things happening, and parents need to make a judgment call about what’s more important and what they may need to get through it.
If they are struggling with their mental health, and you are already in touch with the proper resources to help them, allowing them a day here and there to recharge when they are overwhelmed can be very helpful.
If they are not asking to stay home (from school, work, social events, sports) often, and just occasionally, then you can determine that they are making judgments based on their own self-awareness.
If they tend to utilize these mental health days in a way that truly feels like it was worth it. Meaning, if your teen isn’t sitting around with bags of chips spilled everywhere, yelling at their video game, and doing things that are generally bad for their mental health.
It’s important to check in with your kid/teen’s mental health and see if there is a bigger problem at the root of them asking to take a day off. If your child is avoiding school because they are falling behind with their learning, or because they are struggling emotionally (such as feeling depressed or unmotivated), it would be really important to reach out for additional support for them. Allowing them to take a day off to recharge can be helpful, but it won’t truly help them fix whatever it is that they are struggling with that makes it hard for them to tend to their responsibilities.
If you find this to be the case for your kid or teen, reach out to one of our therapists here at Amel today.
7 Causes of Behavioral Problems in Children
Some parents come to a child or family therapist really at their wits end. Their kid is having temper tantrums, acting out in school, and being labeled as having behavior problems and being defiant.
As therapists, we see it all the time — when a child is diagnosed and labeled as having behavioral issues.
But sometimes, the cause of temper tantrums is not super obvious, and it can take some time to get to the bottom of.
When a child acts out (more than just occasionally or to get their way), and they are exhibiting outbursts and tantrums often, are inconsolable, and the adults in their lives do not understand it, there is usually something behind this behavior that needs to be resolved.
The first step to figuring out what their solution is, because every kid is different and may have different solutions, is trying to get to the bottom of what may really be behind this “problem behavior.”
Perhaps delving into what some of the common causes of temper tantrums and outbursts may give parents some ideas as to what their child may be dealing with under the surface.
ADHD - Although this one is sometimes misdiagnosed, and definitely over-diagnosed, it would be important to consider Attention Deficit/ Hyperactivity Disorder, as this would be a good one to rule out first.
ADHD is diagnosed when children are having difficulties paying attention or sitting still, especially in the school setting.
ADHD typically presents with what many people would consider to be “problem behavior,” as the children affected by it typically appear to be maliciously ignoring instructions or lashing out, when really they are having trouble with their attention.
Kids with ADHD lash out because they are frustrated at the task they are being assigned because it is unusually hard for them, and maybe because they are embarrassed. They are often falling behind in school because they can’t focus, and they may feel shame.
It is very difficult for a child with ADHD to stop doing something they enjoy because it is usually the time when they feel they have the most control and focus, so they may be triggered to lash out at these times as well.
Kids with ADHD tend to be more impulsive than kids without it. Because of this, when they are feeling overwhelmed, they may do something impulsive that appears violent or aggressive, and this also imitates behavioral problems.
Sensory Processing Problems - Children who have difficulties processing sensory information tend to get overwhelmed when they are in a place or situation where one or more of their five senses need to work in overdrive.
They may have “extreme” and confusing behavior, such as screaming/crying when they are experiencing sensory overload, which may be loud noises, bright lights, or a combination.
Kids with sensory problems may have a meltdown over something that their adults don’t really understand to be an issue, such as a certain article of clothing or food.
Sensory processing problems can also look like rigid routines, which can bring about temper tantrums as well whenever they are forced to stray from their normal day-to-day.
One important thing to understand about sensory problems is that their response to these situations is deemed the “problem behavior,” because it seems inappropriate to the adults in their lives, and this frustrates them even further.
Kids with sensory processing problems are also at risk for elopement (running away) from the environment that is making them feel discomfort, which is also seen as problem behavior, because they choose “flight” in their “fight or flight” response.
Learning Disorders - a child may have a learning disorder, such as dyslexia, if they have difficulties in school because they have a harder time processing the information taught in school.
A child with a learning disorder may act out specifically in school or during homework time because they are not able to grasp the material and they are embarrassed or frustrated.
A child with a learning disorder may also refuse to ask for help because they recognize that they are falling behind, or getting left behind in class, and therefore would respond with a temper tantrum or meltdown.
Another common response for a kid with a learning disorder would be to distract the class with a diversion, such as calling out or talking to another child in class, which is typically mistaken by teachers as a behavioral problem.
They may decide that getting into trouble often, or being the “class clown” is less embarrassing than letting their peers see that they are falling behind, do not know the material, feeling vulnerable, and ashamed.
A child with a learning disorder that is unaware of why they are struggling will often worry that they are not smart, feel shame, and act out because of it.
Autism - a child that is on the spectrum may present with difficulties in areas such as social skills, speech, nonverbal communication, repetitive behaviors, and sensory problems.
A child on the spectrum can be set off by unexpected changes to their daily routines, which tend to provide them with comfort, and this can present as temper tantrums.
A child on the spectrum may sometimes also lack the ability to communicate their feelings and not be able to express themselves, which can result in immense frustration and look like behavioral problems as well.
Some kids with autism who are nonverbal may also be dealing with an unrecognized medical problem that is causing them discomfort and making them irritable, but they are unable to express their pain, and lash out.
A child who has undiagnosed autism may be wrongfully labeled as having problematic behavior because the adults in their lives are reading the situation wrong.
Anxiety - a child with anxiety may feel intense feelings of stress, uneasiness, nervousness, and/or fear, which may provoke their “fight or flight” response, and they may have other physical responses as well.
Anxiety in children is super commonly mislabeled as behavioral outbursts, because many adults wrongfully picture an anxious kid as being very timid or shy, which is normally not the case.
A child who struggles with anxiety may lash out to avoid or escape a situation that is triggering them, because they are feeling such strong uneasiness, that they would rather get in trouble and leave than stay.
A child may have social anxiety and have a temper tantrum to leave a party or public place because they are feeling criticized, along with high levels of discomfort, and other physical symptoms.
It is also not uncommon for a child with anxiety to struggle with having behavioral problems in a school setting, at sports, or anywhere they are around peers, because they may feel pressure that they cannot manage.
The behavioral response to anxiety can confuse adults, such as teachers, coaches, and parents, because it appears to come out of nowhere and resembles a child having a temper tantrum.
DMDD- a child may have disruptive mood dysregulation disorder, or DMDD, which is categorized by struggling to regulate their mood, frequent outbursts, irritability, and anger.
A child with DMDD will have severe temper tantrums, seemingly out of nowhere, and does not have the ability to regulate it, so they may often be labeled as a problem child.
These children are also very sensitive, but oftentimes the adults in their life do not know this, so they do not approach them with caution when they need to discuss something difficult.
A child with DMDD tends to view things negatively, resembling someone diagnosed with depression, and often feels misunderstood.
It can sometimes become a self fulfilling prophecy when a child has DMDD and they are in a situation with authority; they may just assume that they are going to get in trouble a lot and that their teachers are not going to like them and, in turn, act out because of it.
They also can be quick to have a meltdown over something that appears minor to others, which further frustrates them because it is not minor to them, and their behavior may escalate.
Trauma - a child who has a history of trauma is one that is displaying an ongoing emotional response to an extremely triggering event.
A child who has a history of trauma or was the survivor of abuse may have a difficult time managing and communicating their emotions, especially the stronger emotions.
One way that people learn how to manage their emotions is by being calmed by our parents as children; a child who has been abused and neglected was never modeled ways to soothe themselves, and may not be able to bring down their escalated emotions to feel comfort and safety.
A child who has experienced trauma may be quicker to act out and present with emotional outbursts because they are feeling triggered, or brought back to their trauma.
They also may interpret situations in the wrong way, such as assuming people do not like them or are out to get them, and may explode because of it.
A child with a history of trauma may need to be taught and practice ways to cope with their stronger emotions.
There is also a lot of shame associated with kids who have experienced trauma, and they may develop the belief that what happened to them was their fault, which can lead to feeling that they are bad and unlikable, which can draw them to the conclusion that there is no point in listening to the rules or trying to behave.
There are a lot of other possible causes of behavioral problems, but these are some of the more common ones that many adults tend to not consider. If your child or a child you know is presenting with behavioral problems, it is possible that they are dealing with something underneath the surface that they may need extra help with.
If that is the case, it may be a good idea to make an appointment to expand your support system.
Tips to Reduce Bedtime Battles
One common challenge that a lot of parents face and cannot seem to work through themselves is their child’s sleeping patterns.
As clinicians, this is often a part of what parents seek treatment for with their kids.
Even in the best of times, parents struggle with getting their children to sleep at normal hours, undisrupted, independently, or without nightmares.
Due to Covid and increased anxiety levels with children, this problem is heightened and a lot of parents don’t know how to make it better.
If bedtime is a struggle in your household and you are starting to feel helpless, here are some things that you can try.
Adding positive things to the bedtime routine/bedroom to reinforce peaceful sleep.
Meditation apps can help kids fall asleep quickly and relax faster.
Blackout curtains can help kids stay asleep longer.
Weighted blankets can help decrease children’s anxiety.
Stuffed animals in the bed can help when kids wake up in the middle of the night and need to feel comfort.
Story time with their favorite books before bed instead of watching television can help them feel restful and have some positive time with you before they go to sleep.
Move bath time to night time rather than in the morning or afternoon so that your child is feeling wound down before bed.
Sound machines can help kids who tend to be light sleepers and easily woken.
A canopy or tent may help your child feel more comfortable and cozy in their own bed, and can also promote independence if they get to choose it.
Let them choose their own comforter, pillows, etc so that they are more likely to want to use them as opposed to sleep in your bed.
Validate (but do not reinforce) any fears they may be having related to bedtime.
Hear their fears and be understanding about them. Sleeping alone can be scary at first.
Listen to them tell you about any nightmares they may be having, but also do not agree with them or reinforce them.
Do not minimize their fears.
If your child tells you what they are afraid of, instead of downplaying it, try to lead them to their own realization that what they are afraid of isn’t real.
Explain to them that you are willing to let them take baby steps in order to work up to sleeping alone.
Take baby steps with them.
Maybe stay in their room with them and sit next to them.
Eventually work up to independent sleeping at least half the night, and then the whole night.
Reward them when they make it to the next baby step.
Tell them that you are proud of them each time they move up a step.
Have patience.
This is a process! Every child is different. It takes some kids longer than others.
Covid is increasing children’s anxiety and having a little understanding goes a long way.
It won’t help matters if you are getting frustrated.
Have a conversation about what may be not working if you are seeing some backtracking. (Maybe their sleep machine is actually keeping them awake now!)
Always include the child in the plan. Ask them what they think will help them and if something is not working.
Sleeping independently, through the night, or getting to sleep early enough is all super important, and the way your child sleeps can absolutely have an affect on their mental health. It can also add an immense amount of stress on to you, as the parent, if you dread your child’s bedtime each night. Clinicians are seeing an increase in sleep troubles and anxiety with children following Covid. If your child seems to be struggling with their bedtime routine and you are having a hard time helping them on your own, sometimes it is important to seek extra help from a mental health specialist.
Helping Your Angry Teen
Everybody feels angry at times in their life.
It’s a normal part of our emotions, and typically adults have gained the tools in order to deal with it in a healthy and productive way.
However, teenagers can sometimes struggle with this, being that they are not as emotionally mature and developed as adults.
Sometimes, adults set a high expectation for teens and assume they should be equipped to deal with their feelings of anger by themselves, and this can cause a lot of friction between parents or teachers and the teens in their lives.
It is super important to keep in mind that the adolescents in your life may need a bit of patience, guidance, and understanding from you in order to find a way to manage an emotion as intense as anger.
Here are some ways that you can help them.
Let them know that it’s normal to be angry sometimes.
It is always helpful for the adult to remember that anger is normal and to normalize the feeling for the teen.
The adolescent will be more open to your help if they understand that it is not wrong for them to feel their feelings and be angry.
It will rub a teenager the wrong way if an adult comes at the situation as if they are trying to control it.
Making them feel like they are wrong for their feelings will escalate the situation.
Validate their feelings.
Sometimes, as parents or teachers, we may think it is more important to be unbiased. We can still validate their feelings without taking sides.
Tell them that you see them and hear them. A simple “that sounds so hard” will do.
Let them know that you are here for them if they want to talk about it or vent.
Take their feelings seriously.
Respect their feelings.
Practicing discussing what is upsetting them is important for the teen, but only if they wish to discuss it.
It is very unproductive to make them talk about something if they do not want to.
You, as the adult, will get much farther with them if you respect their feelings about the situation rather than making them feel dramatic.
Do not try to play devil’s advocate or make it seem like they do not have a right to be angry, as this will make them want to shut down.
Take notice of when you may need to get extra help that you cannot provide.
There is certainly a difference between feeling angry at a situation and letting it affect their mood each day.
Every teen has their ups and downs emotionally, but if it is getting in the way of their daily life, there may be more underlying issues present.
If your teen is exhibiting frequent aggression or physical violence due to their anger, it is important to seek extra support.
Mental health professionals can help teens manage their feelings of anger and regulate their emotions if they need the extra support.
Let’s Talk About Self-Trust
By Juliana Lewellen
Trust in yourself is not something people consider very often, because usually they think about trust in the more conventional sense: trust in others. That’s super important.
But today, let’s talk about self-trust.
Just like trusting others is something that needs to be built, over time, through someone proving they’re worthy, so does self-trust.
Self-trust is something A LOT of adolescents and young adults struggle with, because people do not usually learn how important this is until later in life.
Additionally, not many people learn exactly how to build trust within themselves.
Here are some of the signs someone may not trust themselves.
Valuing others’ opinions over your own. This could be as simple as not wearing an outfit without input from friends--which can be completely harmless unless it’s a toxic pattern.
You tend to be indecisive about a lot of things. Indecisiveness alone can be tied to a lot of different things, but not trusting yourself is one of them.
You don’t listen to your own intuition. Listening to your gut feelings is important, and if you ignore them it can mean you don’t trust them.
You frequently second guess yourself. Like being indecisive, second guessing yourself can be a sign of something else, such as anxiety. However, it would be worth it to take a closer look to determine if it’s really about self-trust.
You invalidate your experiences. Sometimes downplaying your trauma is a way to cope with it. Other times, it’s due to not trusting that you truly experienced it the way you think you did.
You shy away from things that feel like they are too big of a responsibility. Whether you feel unworthy of taking on something serious, or you feel you are not dependable enough to complete a task, this can be a sign of low self-trust.
You dwell on your own mistakes and are hard on yourself. Shame and guilt are really big signs of not having trust in yourself. Being hard on yourself for your past mistakes is feeling guilt. Being hard on yourself for who you are is feeling shame.
You would prefer to rely on others rather than be independent. Co-dependent relationships can be the result of a lot of different things that we don’t have the time to get into right now, but one of them could very well be not trusting yourself to navigate your own life.
You have commitment issues, even with the small things. Committing to plans with friends requires a certain level of self-trust; without it, you may shy away from this.
You don’t keep promises that you make to yourself. Anything from New Year’s Resolutions, to staying away from that person, breaking promises that you make for yourself wears away at your trust within yourself.
Okay, so maybe our self-trust is not where we want it to be. How can we fix it?
Here are some ways to build (or even re-build, if you feel like you have lost it) self trust:
Set and respect your boundaries. This is HUGE. Honor those boundaries; don’t let people use you.
Keep a promise to yourself each day (even just one). Promise yourself that you will take a walk, or do your laundry, and make sure you hold yourself accountable and truly keep it.
Listen to your body. Are you tired? Hungry? Anxious? Take care of yourself the way you take care of others. Be there for yourself. Listen to your body.
Validate your feelings. Maybe you carry feelings from the past from things that have happened to you. You are allowed to feel how you feel. Don’t gaslight yourself.
Stand up for yourself more. Don’t let people walk all over you!
Forgive yourself for your mistakes in the past instead of sitting in your guilt and/or shame. Learn and let go. You do not need to feel guilt for what you have done or shame for who you are. Give yourself some grace.
Let go of the things or relationships that no longer serve you or cause you harm. Hanging on to people who do nothing but make you feel bad for yourself is not having respect for yourself and your time.
Practice listening to your intuition. Maybe take this one slow. Read a book or watch a movie and after the characters are introduced, take a break and make some predictions about the characters. You will get better at this with time!
Positive self-talk and being supportive to yourself. Literally speak to yourself aloud in the nicest way you possibly can in order to combat any negative thoughts you may be in the habit of thinking.
Praise yourself for all of the good you have done. You are doing amazing! Think of all of your accomplishments and be proud of yourself!
Sometimes gaining or re-gaining self-trust takes a really long time, which is why it’s something that adolescents and young adults struggle with. If something in your life is inhibiting you from building trust within yourself and you are beginning to notice this pattern, you may need more help working through this. Reach out for help! We got this!
The Do’s and Dont’s for Children with Anxiety
When your job is to take care of a child, whether you are a teacher, parent, or child therapist, it is a natural reaction to want to help them feel better. We just organically want to protect children.
When it comes to a child dealing with anxiety, though, keeping them from whatever their trigger is may accidentally and inadvertently make matters worse.
If you reinforce the idea that your child, student, or client is rightfully anxious about something and encourage them to avoid it, their feelings of anxiety may get worse.
Sometimes, the best thing to do for a child who has anxiety is to just help them manage their feelings as they come, and over time they may be able to do this themselves.
Perhaps creating a list of DO’s and DONT’s can help adults navigate the best way to help a child when they are expressing feelings of anxiety.
DONT:
Reinforce their feelings. This can look like getting upset with them each time they get upset.
Escalate the situation by getting angry with them.
Agree with their anxieties. This can look like saying, “this makes me scared too,” without providing any kind of resolution.
Instead, DO:
Respect their feelings, and assure them that they are going to be okay.
Empathize with them, and let them know that these feelings are normal, but there are ways to get through it.
Communicate with them calmly.
DONT:
Encourage avoidance. This can look like removing them from the situation that is triggering them without any kind of conversation, leading the child to believe that getting upset is the best way to cope and that avoiding the anxiety is the answer. This can cause the anxiety to grow.
Instead, DO:
Express confidence that they can face their fears and that over time, they will start to feel less and less afraid. Tell them how strong you think they are! And tell them you are there for them.
DONT:
Try to eliminate the anxiety altogether.
Instead, DO:
Try to help them learn how to manage it.
Help them learn how to tolerate their anxiety.
Model coping skills for how to function when they are feeling anxious.
DONT:
Ask your child questions that are leading. This is important because you can accidentally plant more ideas in their head that they didn’t even think of before. This can look like saying things such as “Are you anxious for your test tomorrow?”
Instead, DO:
Ask open-ended questions, such as “How are you feeling about your show-and-tell?”
Speak calmly and have a neutral tone.
DONT:
Appear anxious or expect the worst before a situation that would commonly result in anxiety from your child. Sometimes, parents can subconsciously project their own feelings onto a situation if they are expecting it to go awry.
Instead, DO:
Keep your child distracted before a situation where they may become anxious.
Talk to your child about what may happen if their fears come true. Helping them come up with a plan can soothe their nerves.
Model your own healthy coping skills for when you are feeling anxious yourself. Kids are more perceptive than you think!
If your child or a child you know is experiencing anxiety that is difficult for them to manage, it is important for them to have help managing these emotions. Although you may want to, you cannot promise them that nothing bad will ever happen to them.
Anxiety is a normal part of life, but sometimes it can be hard to manage on their own. Having a therapist may really help them work through their anxieties.
One Foot in front of the Other
By Juliana Lewellen
Sometimes the main goal needs to be just surviving the day.
When we find ourselves struggling emotionally with something heavy, it can begin to manifest in physical ways really quickly.
If you or someone you know is having a particularly challenging time in life, sometimes it feels like nothing anyone can really say or do is helpful in making the pain go away.
This post can be advice that you can give to a loved one who is struggling in a difficult period of their life, or advice that you can take if you are the one in emotional pain.
Give yourself ten minutes to do something you love. Listen to music, take a few photos of nature, write in your journal, read a half a chapter of a book, whatever it is, as long as it brings you some small semblance of peace and you enjoy it.
Drink water, even when you are not thirsty. When we find ourselves going through a particularly rough patch in life, we tend to stop taking care of ourselves in the most basic ways. Sometimes it’s because we are having such a hard time that we forget. It’s such an important way to help provide our body with enough energy to try to work through a difficult time, though. Dehydration will only make you feel worse physically and impede on your ability to feel better mentally + physically.
Eat, even if you are not hungry. Same deal here. Your body needs nutrients to fight off a physical ailment, so it will need nutrients for strength here as well. Anxiety and depression thrive off inadequate nourishment. You need to feed your body in order to have the energy to fight to feel better mentally.
Talk about it. Tell someone you love and trust that you are struggling. Sometimes this can be super hard because we tell ourselves that people are busy and do not have the time to help. Your loved ones want to know that you are having a hard time because they want to help you get through it, trust me. People cannot support us if they don’t know we are in need of the support. Your feelings matter, your pain matters, and you matter. Talk to them.
Leave your room. This one is hard because sometimes you need to legitimately force yourself against your own will to get up. Sometimes your feelings are heavy, and they are too heavy to bring around with you, so they weigh you down right in place. Even if you just get out of bed to take a shower, or step into the sun in your backyard for five minutes, or take a short walk around the block, you are making a difference. Make yourself do it and take deep breaths while doing so. You will be so glad you did.
Sometimes the main goal needs to be just surviving the day. One foot in front of the other.
With being said, if you or someone you love are struggling emotionally with something heavy, therapy is a great way to help make it lighter. Consider scheduling a consultation.
The "Green Flags" of a Friendship or Relationship
By Juliana Lewellen
It seems like we talk about red flags a lot. We read about red flags in romantic partners, red flags in friendships, red flags in a family member, etc.
If you are a teen or a young adult, you probably (definitely) feel like you have been beyond warned about what is a BAD characteristic in someone you are dating, and what you DON’T want in a friend.
That is all super important, of course! But sometimes, constantly reading about the dangers and warnings of others can be a little much.
What we rarely discuss is green flags. Green Flags are good signs, or positive attributes to look for in others. Attributes that you may want to adopt for yourself, because they made you feel so good when they did this for you.
Let’s discuss Green Flags to look for in romantic partners and friends instead, shall we?
1.Support.
It is a super important green flag when someone you are dating or are friends with is supportive of your success. Is your boyfriend proud of you for getting accepted to your number 1 college? Are your friends happy for you when you make the basketball team? Great! It is both an amazing feeling and a green flag when your loved ones are supportive of your success and hard work, instead of threatened by it. If they make you feel bad… this is not a green flag.
2. Respect.
Another really important green flag is respect of your boundaries and feelings. Whether it be not telling jokes to you that they know you do not enjoy, not starting conversations with you that they know you do not wish to be a part of, or respecting your emotions after something happens, boundaries are extremely important in relationships. This is also important in relationships when it comes to intimacy. Your partner should respect your boundaries and communicate about them with you often. People who respect your boundaries and abide by them are exhibiting really important green flag behavior.
3. Mutual happiness.
If your friend or romantic partner have a mutual happiness for you, this is a green flag. If it makes you happy to make other friends, they should be happy for you rather than jealous or possessive. If a friendship is valuable to you, your girlfriend should value it for you as well. If participating in a hobby is a way that you express your love for life, your friend or significant other should find happiness in that and allow you that time to yourself. Bonus points if they want to learn more about the things that make you happy, listen to your favorite bands with you, or watch your favorite movie to chat about it.
4. Communication.
If your friend or romantic partner actually communicates their thoughts and feelings with you, this is a huge green flag. We aren’t mind-readers, and sometimes expecting people to be can cause a lot of drama and arguments. Opening up a two-way street where you can communicate your own feelings, and they do the same, is a really great way to maintain a healthy relationship.
5. Thoughtfulness.
Sometimes this is a tough one for teens and young adults, so try to be understanding of your friend or loved one if they are still learning this. Being thoughtful is an extremely positive attribute and when you see that you have a friend or partner who has this green flag, know how important it is. If you have a friend who asks how you are doing, remembers to check in, and thinks of you often, value that. One way that a friend or a significant other can show you that they are being thoughtful is to ask you if you have the emotional capacity to listen before they unload their problems or vent to you. Another way could be to shoot you a kind text if they know you are struggling, or buy you a candy bar because they know you like it. There are a lot of ways this green flag can manifest, but this is a good one.
If you would like to learn more, or feel as though you are struggling with finding/ building / maintaining these types of relationships, schedule with an Amel therapist today.
When Kids and Teens are Feeling Lonely
By Juliana Lewellen
When children and teenagers are feeling lonely, they may not know how to express it or how to ask for help from you.
One of the impacts of Covid-19 is that people are struggling to build and re-build connections with peers when they have been so out of practice for so long. Kids and teens are not immune to this impact.
Although this may sound unbelievable, the last normal school year was 2018-2019. That was three grades ago…
As a parent or loved one to a kid or teen, you may want to find a way to help and support them.
Here are some ways you can do so.
Make a plan or even roleplay a conversation:
Sometimes, creating concrete steps can be the most helpful thing to do for kids or teens who are nervous. Practice with your child by pretending to be the friend or classmate they want to try to make plans with. It may also help to talk them through some ways to resolve conflict, as this is an inevitable part of socializing that they may be out of practice with as well. Perhaps they could also find an extracurricular activity they like in order to make friends easier. Whatever they are comfortable with!
2. Be the one to open up the conversation:
If your child or a teen in your life is feeling lonely, they may not be able to find the words to express that to you. It may help to be the one to bring it up. Sometimes the best way to do this is to share something about yourself or about how you personally feel when you don’t get to see your friends for a while. Normalize the feeling of being lonely for them, giving them the emotional vocabulary to express themselves and an opening for them to tell you how they feel.
3. Lend your ear:
As a parent, teacher, neighbor, or coach to kids and teens, you may have the desire to problem-solve when they open up about their feelings of loneliness after Covid-19. However, sometimes it may be best to give them the space to vent. Listening to them may be more helpful than butting in. This may show them that you truly care about how they are feeling and that you are always here for them. The reality is, we have never experienced what it feels like to be growing up in times like these. They need to know that it is safe to talk about their feelings and that you won’t judge.
If you find that your child or teen are struggling with feeling lonely or are having a hard time building connections, socializing, or maintaining relationships with their peers, perhaps it is time to schedule a consultation with one of our therapists at Amel.
Some Signs of Anxiety that may be Less Obvious
By Juliana Lewellen
Anxiety presents itself in a lot of different ways. Sometimes, though, anxiety can be extremely sneaky, and we don’t even know what we are feeling ourselves.
Other times, people can mistake signs of anxiety for something else, and it flies under the radar rather than being addressed and processed.
Here are some signs of anxiety that may not SEEM like they are signs of anxiety:
Snapping/ being impatient: This is one of the signs of anxiety that definitely gets put in the “mistaken for other things” category. A lot of times, people tend to read this as a behavior-related issue, or just being moody. However, it honestly may be one of the more common signs of anxiety.
Difficulty sitting still and concentrating: This is a sign of anxiety that also gets mistaken for ADHD, especially in kids and teens. Children who have anxiety jitters may also not have the emotional vocabulary to describe what they are feeling, and explain to their parents/ teachers that they are anxious. This leads to a lot of misdiagnoses of ADHD.
Zoning out or dissociating: Sometimes a child or teen seeming like they are daydreaming a lot can be harmless. Other times, it can be a sign that they are trying to escape the physical feelings of anxiety, resulting in zoning out or dissociating as a coping mechanism.
Appearing flaky or struggling to commit to future plans: This is one of the symptoms of anxiety that can appear frustrating to friends and loved ones of those who are struggling with it. Sometimes people tend to not be so understanding about someone who do not feel like they can keep their social plans. If this is something you struggle with, it is very possible that it’s due to some underlying social anxiety.
Not making eye contact: This is a very small sign, and it can also be related to one’s culture or the way they were raised out of respect. However, if presented with any of the other symptoms, it’s possible that someone who struggles to make eye contact when chatting with you may be anxious.
Startled by noises: This symptom can be related to a lot of different disorders and is a part of other diagnoses as well. But, when paired with other signs and feelings, it can certainly be a sign of someone dealing with anxiety as well.
Pacing: Like the inability to sit still, this can present to others like ADHD. However, it’s quite possible that a person who is pacing may be finding it comforting if they are feeling anxious, or it helps them get their anxious energy out.
Wanting to go home/stay home: Perhaps you find yourself searching for an exit whenever you go somewhere, or you find yourself wanting to go back home after a short period of time. This is certainly a possible sign of anxiety.
Harbored breathing: This is probably one of the more common symptoms that people understand as anxiety when they see it.
Fidgeting, stroking their arms, tugging on their hair: Some of these behaviors are considered protective gestures. Others are due to the inability to sit still, and the person doing it may be trying to make it look more natural by fidgeting with something.
Self critical comments: This symptom can be subtle comments, or it can be more obvious self-deprecating. Oftentimes, people may mistakenly perceive this as depression, as the person may make comments about how they are worthless or bad at things. However, people with anxiety are hyper-aware of other people’s perception of them and their own perception of themselves, and it makes them nervous.
Asking for reassurance often: Somewhat related to the above symptom, someone who makes a lot of self critical comments or deals with intrusive negative thoughts may require a lot of reassurance in order to feel better.
If you, your child, or someone you love presents with any of these signs and symptoms, it’s possible they may need some extra help processing and working through their anxiety with a mental health professional. Make an appointment today with one of our own!
Helping Your Child Make Decisions
By Juliana Lewellen
Decision-making skills are an important aspect of a child’s development. Sometimes, parents struggle with how exactly to support their child in making choices, and when to allow it.
It can be a difficult balance to find. As a parent, you want your child to find that space of autonomy and independence, but you also don’t want to just tell your kid that anything goes.
Here are some ways to find that balance of letting your child make some choices for themselves.
Encourage it early, and start small. Yes, even toddlers can make choices! Appropriate choices, though, of course. For instance, start with letting them have two options. Hold up the Peppa Pig and Paw Patrol shirts and let your 2 year old point to which one they want to wear. Let her choose between two different toys to play with. Easy and harmless! At the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter which they choose but just that they were included in the choice. As they get older, they will be able to make bigger decisions, and most importantly they will learn from you that structured, appropriate choices are healthy.
Walk through it with them. When your child gets older, they may come to you with a choice they need to make. Explain to them what decision making skills are and discuss what you personally do when you are faced with a decision. Teach them what a pro and con list is. Model for them what it looks like to consider how each option may affect them or their peers.
Consider when it would be a good time to step back. This one is really hard, guys! Parents never want to step back and allow their child to make a mistake, but it is a normal and important part of growing and learning. At the end of the day, you are going to have to allow your child to make a choice and see what happens. As long as they aren’t in any physical danger, give your kid the space to mess up sometimes. Maybe they had two friend’s birthday parties in one day, and after you talked to them about it, they did not decide to go to both. Now their friend is upset, and they feel bad. Talk about this experience with them, ask them how it makes them feel, and discuss what they learned from it so that next time, they may make a different choice. This lesson can be a lot more valuable than if you just simply told them how they may be affected from the start.
Is This Really Grief?
By Juliana Lewellen
Grief is often tied in conversation to the notion of death. However, grief is not limited to death.
Grief is the deep sorrow in response to any form of loss that impacts one’s life.
A loss that impacts one’s life could be in any form.
Here are a few examples of loss we May Not Realize Cause grief.
Losing a friend.
Leaving a career path you really loved.
Losing a part of yourself that you once loved.
Changing future plans.
Losing trust in someone you love.
Infertility.
Failed fostering and adoptions.
Ending romantic relationships.
No longer feeling safe and secure in your place of living.
People who experience any of these “non-traditional” losses are left with feelings they can’t pin down, and may not understand what they are experiencing. All of these losses bring forth feelings of grief. It may not or may not feel the same as losing someone to death. It’s unfair to place more or less value on the loss based on the pain it inflicts on the sufferer.
They are grieving because these losses are important too.
Grief is an extremely private and personal experience for whomever it affects. There is no way to truly “fix it” but there are many ways to process it that can hopefully be helpful. Understanding your grief is a good way to process it.
Grief can cause physical and emotional symptoms. It can be incredibly exhausting and extremely heavy. It can be all-consuming, frustrating, and really change you. The good news is, with the right help, grief can be made to feel lighter.
There is no real timeline for when someone should begin grieving or be done grieving. Maybe you have not been sad about your loss for years, and you thought that you were over it, but then recently you find that it has snuck back up on you.
That’s other thing about grief, it can be very unpredictable. Maybe yours comes in waves and without warning. Maybe hers comes nonstop and slowly dissipates. Maybe his has not hit him at all yet. We are all different.
There are no rules. You can be happy, annoyed, established, excited, determined, etc. and still also be grieving at the same time. Grief can coexist with many different emotions. This is sometimes confusing for people because they think the only acceptable feeling to pair with grief is sadness; they can’t seem to understand why someone who is grieving can also be happy. This is not true at all. With the right help, you may learn that grief can be carried with joy.
If you find that yourself, your child, or your family as a whole may be experiencing grief after ANY kind of loss, you may need some help processing it. Schedule with one of our therapists today.