Helping Your Angry Teen

Everybody feels angry at times in their life.

It’s a normal part of our emotions, and typically adults have gained the tools in order to deal with it in a healthy and productive way.

However, teenagers can sometimes struggle with this, being that they are not as emotionally mature and developed as adults.

Sometimes, adults set a high expectation for teens and assume they should be equipped to deal with their feelings of anger by themselves, and this can cause a lot of friction between parents or teachers and the teens in their lives.

It is super important to keep in mind that the adolescents in your life may need a bit of patience, guidance, and understanding from you in order to find a way to manage an emotion as intense as anger.

Here are some ways that you can help them.

• Let them know that it’s normal to be angry sometimes.

  • It is always helpful for the adult to remember that anger is normal and to normalize the feeling for the teen.

  • The adolescent will be more open to your help if they understand that it is not wrong for them to feel their feelings and be angry.

  • It will rub a teenager the wrong way if an adult comes at the situation as if they are trying to control it. 

  • Making them feel like they are wrong for their feelings will escalate the situation.

• Validate their feelings.

  • Sometimes, as parents or teachers, we may think it is more important to be unbiased. We can still validate their feelings without taking sides.

  • Tell them that you see them and hear them. A simple “that sounds so hard” will do.

  • Let them know that you are here for them if they want to talk about it or vent.

  • Take their feelings seriously.

• Respect their feelings.

  • Practicing discussing what is upsetting them is important for the teen, but only if they wish to discuss it.

  • It is very unproductive to make them talk about something if they do not want to.

  • You, as the adult, will get much farther with them if you respect their feelings about the situation rather than making them feel dramatic.

  • Do not try to play devil’s advocate or make it seem like they do not have a right to be angry, as this will make them want to shut down.

• Take notice of when you may need to get extra help that you cannot provide.

  • There is certainly a difference between feeling angry at a situation and letting it affect their mood each day.

  • Every teen has their ups and downs emotionally, but if it is getting in the way of their daily life, there may be more underlying issues present.

  • If your teen is exhibiting frequent aggression or physical violence due to their anger, it is important to seek extra support.

Mental health professionals can help teens manage their feelings of anger and regulate their emotions if they need the extra support.