Let’s Talk About Self-Trust
By Juliana Lewellen
Trust in yourself is not something people consider very often, because usually they think about trust in the more conventional sense: trust in others. That’s super important.
But today, let’s talk about self-trust.
Just like trusting others is something that needs to be built, over time, through someone proving they’re worthy, so does self-trust.
Self-trust is something A LOT of adolescents and young adults struggle with, because people do not usually learn how important this is until later in life.
Additionally, not many people learn exactly how to build trust within themselves.
Here are some of the signs someone may not trust themselves.
Valuing others’ opinions over your own. This could be as simple as not wearing an outfit without input from friends--which can be completely harmless unless it’s a toxic pattern.
You tend to be indecisive about a lot of things. Indecisiveness alone can be tied to a lot of different things, but not trusting yourself is one of them.
You don’t listen to your own intuition. Listening to your gut feelings is important, and if you ignore them it can mean you don’t trust them.
You frequently second guess yourself. Like being indecisive, second guessing yourself can be a sign of something else, such as anxiety. However, it would be worth it to take a closer look to determine if it’s really about self-trust.
You invalidate your experiences. Sometimes downplaying your trauma is a way to cope with it. Other times, it’s due to not trusting that you truly experienced it the way you think you did.
You shy away from things that feel like they are too big of a responsibility. Whether you feel unworthy of taking on something serious, or you feel you are not dependable enough to complete a task, this can be a sign of low self-trust.
You dwell on your own mistakes and are hard on yourself. Shame and guilt are really big signs of not having trust in yourself. Being hard on yourself for your past mistakes is feeling guilt. Being hard on yourself for who you are is feeling shame.
You would prefer to rely on others rather than be independent. Co-dependent relationships can be the result of a lot of different things that we don’t have the time to get into right now, but one of them could very well be not trusting yourself to navigate your own life.
You have commitment issues, even with the small things. Committing to plans with friends requires a certain level of self-trust; without it, you may shy away from this.
You don’t keep promises that you make to yourself. Anything from New Year’s Resolutions, to staying away from that person, breaking promises that you make for yourself wears away at your trust within yourself.
Okay, so maybe our self-trust is not where we want it to be. How can we fix it?
Here are some ways to build (or even re-build, if you feel like you have lost it) self trust:
Set and respect your boundaries. This is HUGE. Honor those boundaries; don’t let people use you.
Keep a promise to yourself each day (even just one). Promise yourself that you will take a walk, or do your laundry, and make sure you hold yourself accountable and truly keep it.
Listen to your body. Are you tired? Hungry? Anxious? Take care of yourself the way you take care of others. Be there for yourself. Listen to your body.
Validate your feelings. Maybe you carry feelings from the past from things that have happened to you. You are allowed to feel how you feel. Don’t gaslight yourself.
Stand up for yourself more. Don’t let people walk all over you!
Forgive yourself for your mistakes in the past instead of sitting in your guilt and/or shame. Learn and let go. You do not need to feel guilt for what you have done or shame for who you are. Give yourself some grace.
Let go of the things or relationships that no longer serve you or cause you harm. Hanging on to people who do nothing but make you feel bad for yourself is not having respect for yourself and your time.
Practice listening to your intuition. Maybe take this one slow. Read a book or watch a movie and after the characters are introduced, take a break and make some predictions about the characters. You will get better at this with time!
Positive self-talk and being supportive to yourself. Literally speak to yourself aloud in the nicest way you possibly can in order to combat any negative thoughts you may be in the habit of thinking.
Praise yourself for all of the good you have done. You are doing amazing! Think of all of your accomplishments and be proud of yourself!
Sometimes gaining or re-gaining self-trust takes a really long time, which is why it’s something that adolescents and young adults struggle with. If something in your life is inhibiting you from building trust within yourself and you are beginning to notice this pattern, you may need more help working through this. Reach out for help! We got this!