When your job is to take care of a child, whether you are a teacher, parent, or child therapist, it is a natural reaction to want to help them feel better. We just organically want to protect children.
When it comes to a child dealing with anxiety, though, keeping them from whatever their trigger is may accidentally and inadvertently make matters worse.
If you reinforce the idea that your child, student, or client is rightfully anxious about something and encourage them to avoid it, their feelings of anxiety may get worse.
Sometimes, the best thing to do for a child who has anxiety is to just help them manage their feelings as they come, and over time they may be able to do this themselves.
Perhaps creating a list of DO’s and DONT’s can help adults navigate the best way to help a child when they are expressing feelings of anxiety.
DONT:
Reinforce their feelings. This can look like getting upset with them each time they get upset.
Escalate the situation by getting angry with them.
Agree with their anxieties. This can look like saying, “this makes me scared too,” without providing any kind of resolution.
Instead, DO:
Respect their feelings, and assure them that they are going to be okay.
Empathize with them, and let them know that these feelings are normal, but there are ways to get through it.
Communicate with them calmly.
DONT:
Encourage avoidance. This can look like removing them from the situation that is triggering them without any kind of conversation, leading the child to believe that getting upset is the best way to cope and that avoiding the anxiety is the answer. This can cause the anxiety to grow.
Instead, DO:
Express confidence that they can face their fears and that over time, they will start to feel less and less afraid. Tell them how strong you think they are! And tell them you are there for them.
DONT:
Try to eliminate the anxiety altogether.
Instead, DO:
Try to help them learn how to manage it.
Help them learn how to tolerate their anxiety.
Model coping skills for how to function when they are feeling anxious.
DONT:
Ask your child questions that are leading. This is important because you can accidentally plant more ideas in their head that they didn’t even think of before. This can look like saying things such as “Are you anxious for your test tomorrow?”
Instead, DO:
Ask open-ended questions, such as “How are you feeling about your show-and-tell?”
Speak calmly and have a neutral tone.
DONT:
Appear anxious or expect the worst before a situation that would commonly result in anxiety from your child. Sometimes, parents can subconsciously project their own feelings onto a situation if they are expecting it to go awry.
Instead, DO:
Keep your child distracted before a situation where they may become anxious.
Talk to your child about what may happen if their fears come true. Helping them come up with a plan can soothe their nerves.
Model your own healthy coping skills for when you are feeling anxious yourself. Kids are more perceptive than you think!
If your child or a child you know is experiencing anxiety that is difficult for them to manage, it is important for them to have help managing these emotions. Although you may want to, you cannot promise them that nothing bad will ever happen to them.
Anxiety is a normal part of life, but sometimes it can be hard to manage on their own. Having a therapist may really help them work through their anxieties.