Amel Counseling Blog
Why you Should Let Your Child be bored this spring break
Why It’s Okay for Your Child to be Bored. Read the blog post for the benefits of boredom and the skills it can unlock in your child.
“I’m bored.”
Boredom, though uncomfortable for most people, is an emotion our kids and teens frequently complain about. Screen time typically helps distract from this feeling, but it can encourage them to avoid confronting the discomfort of boredom.
Not all families are fortunate enough to go on vacations this spring break, so many families are staying home. While spring break trips can provide children with great experiences and memories, allowing your child to experience boredom at home during spring break also has its benefits.
Boredom Opens Opportunities for Creativity
Boredom allows your child to tap into their imagination and creativity for entertainment. Instead of relying on external stimuli (like screens), your child is empowered to find activities they want to do. Whether it’s drawing, cooking, building a fort, or playing with their toys, allowing your child to be bored gives them the chance to discover activities they enjoy and can return to in the future.
Boredom Develops Problem-Solving Skills
Is your child going to be excited about being bored? Probably not. There will likely be complaining, whining, and requests for you to suggest something to do. However, they will often respond “no” to most suggestions, which is completely normal. Instead of providing solutions immediately, let them figure out what they want to do next.
While it's natural for children to want to escape boredom, this challenge encourages them to come up with their own solutions. Allowing your child to independently figure out an activity can strengthen their problem-solving skills. They will try different ideas, discover what they enjoy, and build a mental toolbox for future moments of boredom.
Boredom Develops Independence
Spending quality time with your children is an important part of their development and a key factor in the parent-child relationship. However, kids who are highly uncomfortable with being bored may seek constant adult attention to entertain them.
That said, if your child is asking to spend time with you, it’s important to engage with them. Be sure to check in with your child to see how they’re feeling and spend time with them when possible.
For parents who need to work or tend to other responsibilities, allowing your child to be bored can teach them how to be independent. There will be times when they are on their own, and boredom can help them develop the skills to stay self-sufficient. This means you can take a much-needed break while giving your child the chance to grow in independence.
Boredom Allows for Kids to Be Present with Themselves
Feeling bored provides an opportunity for your child to reflect on why they dislike it. How does it feel in their body? How does boredom affect their thoughts? What physical sensations arise when they’re bored?
By encouraging your child to ask themselves these questions, they’ll begin to develop emotional self-regulation skills. Boredom invites them to pause and check in with their emotions, helping them connect with their feelings and build emotional intelligence.
Boredom Allows Kids to Develop Resilience
As your children grow, there will be plenty of scenarios where they’ll have to be okay with being bored. Whether it’s in class, at an assembly, during a church service, or at a family function, it’s important for your child to know how to persevere without relying on screens to get through it.
Being able to tolerate boredom is a necessary skill that children need to develop. Teach your child that it’s okay to feel bored, and allow them to build the coping skills they’ll need to self-regulate in the future.
Being bored at home offers a controlled environment where children can develop these skills, so they’re better prepared to handle boredom in other situations outside the home.
Having Conversations with Your Child About Boredom
Having open conversations with your child about boredom is essential. Explain the benefits of boredom and what you hope they’ll gain from unstructured time. These conversations provide an opportunity to explore the emotion of boredom together, helping to remove the stigma surrounding it and showing that it’s not something to fear, but rather something to learn from.
Teaching Social Skills at Home
Sometimes, parents struggle with teaching their young kids social cues and socialization skills in the home. These are skills that people tend to pick up on their own, and most people cannot pinpoint the instances or memories where they learned such skills. However, some kids have social skills deficits and it can begin popping up when they have playdates, early on in school, and at the playground. It can be important for parents to remember that though something might be obvious to you, it clearly is not obvious to their kids.
Luckily, there are ways to encourage your kids to develop social cues and socializing skills within the home. Here are some places to start!
Flexibility. Model it, talk about it, encourage it. Being flexible with actions and choices comes super easy to some kids, and is SO difficult for others, but at the end of the day, it is a social expectation. Having a child that is immobile, rigid and “my way or the highway” does not work well when playing with other kids.
Talk through your choices and actions to help them understand why and how to tolerate flexibility.
Encourage your child to compromise if people don’t agree.
Offer other options or solutions and explain why sometimes “the closest we can get” is the best we can hope for.
So, this did not work out, but we are going to try something else.
Taking turns. Being impatient, bossy, controlling, or steamrolling over others is not something that will be accepted with grace in social situations. In fact, this would all be seen as rude and undesirable when it comes to making friends or playing well with others. Although some stronger willed kids might be driven in ways that are very desirable, they will be held back by the very same qualities that make them so strong if they don’t have the ability to have patience and take a step back from time to time.
Sometimes taking turns is a struggle because your child is more impulsive.
Practicing, encouraging, and modeling PURPOSEFUL turn taking is helpful for everyone in your home.
Go around the table and nobody can speak until the person is finished, or you use a “talking object,” or you have your child play games where they cannot do anything until it is their turn.
If you have more than one child, you can have them take turns choosing the game, and if you don’t, you can take turns with your own child.
Different points of view. It may come as a surprise (or maybe it doesn’t) that some kids actually don’t even realize that you are not in their head, hearing their thoughts, don’t see what they do all day everyday, and/or cannot determine why they did a certain thing. When you ask, they might respond in a tone where they thought it was obvious. This goes both ways; they usually cannot see from others perspectives either. This is a skill that comes with maturity and age, but seeing things from someone else’s perspective can inspire empathy and also help them develop the skill of learning other people’s motivations and behaviors.
You can start by telling your kid why or how you made certain decisions throughout the day.
When possible, explain how you took into account how someone else might be feeling or their perspective as well.
Perhaps you noticed one of your family members or employees at work was feeling down and you tried to come up with a solution.
Make it common practice to ask your kid or talk about how someone else might be feeling, and have them guess with you or even ask the person if they can.
Utilize the media if you are struggling. What a great tool at times, though it can also feel like the enemy at other times. Why not use something so influential to help you when you can? TV shows and movies can provide examples of social skills and social cues that you might not be able to conjure up on your own. Chances are they love TV time anyway, might as well use it to your advantage!
You can always pause and discuss!
Talk about why a character did a certain thing, what could be affecting their choices or behavior, how their choices can affect others, etc.
Discuss body language, facial expressions, and other social cues that are being modeled before them in real time.
Maybe quiz them: Is this person uncomfortable or comfortable? Did this make them sad or happy? What choice could they have made that would have been better? Does this person tend to be helpful or hurtful to their friends?
Social skills in young childhood might be an area that is a struggle for your kid, and you might feel helpless if nothing you are doing is working. Maybe it is an area you struggle with too, and you feel you could use more support. Amel Counseling & Consulting has 1:1 therapists who can provide support for you and your child in this area, and also a social skills group starting up!
Reach out now for your free, 15-minute phone consultation and see how we can help!
Raising Grateful Kids
‘Tis the season for quality time with family, gift giving, time off from school/work, and holiday inspired activities. So much to look forward to, but also a tough time for some parents because of how stressful this can all feel.
One thing is for certain, whatever you are doing for and with your kids, you want to see them be appreciative and not take things for granted.
This is not only just for you, but also to improve kids’ relationships with their friends too. Their overall happiness, socialization skills, and ability to empathize with others all relates to their showing and feeling grateful.
Here are some ways that you, as their parents, can encourage the importance of feeling and showing gratitude.
Call attention to generosity.
Point out when people (including your kids) go above and beyond what is expected
Reinforce helping out without being asked
Reward when your kids act selflessly, like taking extra time to do something for someone other than themselves
Have conversations about it.
Ask your kid or teen how it feels when people thank them
Talk about how it feels when someone does something nice for them
This reinforces the idea that their behavior affects others, and they can choose whether they want that to be positive or negative
This also helps them understand the emotional benefits to being appreciative
Be the example.
Model what it means to be grateful (especially between husband and wife, or to your kids themselves)
Offer genuine “thank you!”s to people you come in contact with
Be kind to service industry workers, neighbors, friends, family, etc.
Thanking your children lets them know they are appreciated, and also shows them that it is something important in your household
Make bedtime a gratitude time.
Tucking your kids in at night and asking them what they are grateful for is good practice
Reflecting on their day in a positive way can be good for them
Let kids choose.
Options like bake sales, fundraisers, food/ clothing donations, let kids express their interests in a charitable way
Using skills for a good cause is a good way to boost confidence while indirectly showing them to be grateful for what they have
Give them a chance to give back
Perspective is everything.
Talk to your kids about those who are less fortunate
Teach them that not everyone has the same advantages
This helps them develop compassion and appreciate their own privileges
Thank those who help your kids.
Help your kids come up with ways to show appreciation to other people who help them
Whether it be teachers, coaches, local firemen, or mailman, it can be fun to bake cookies or give a small gift of thanks to them
Get involved.
Find charities that align with your kids and teens interests and either volunteer or donate to them this holiday season
Giving and gratitude go hand in hand
How to Handle a bad report card
Tips on how to talk to your kids about bad grades
How do I handle a bad report card?
It’s the end of the first marking period for several schools in the Philadelphia area. This means that the first report cards of the school year are coming.
As a parent, you get your kids to school. You remind them to do their homework and help with their projects. Yet, your kids may bring a less-than-ideal report card home.
Parents often judge and blame kids for not trying hard enough. This can lead to fights and kids feeling shame about their grades.
Here are some tips on how to have a constructive conversation with your kids about bad grades.
1. Before the conversation, check in with yourself
A bad report card can make you feel frustrated with your kids and even yourself. It’s important to check in with yourself to see how you’re feeling. If you have the conversation while angry, it can turn into a fight.
It is beneficial to wait until you are calm to have this conversation. You can also use this time to think about what you want to achieve by talking to your child about their bad grades.
Before talking with your child, confide in your partner or a trusted friend or family member. This will help you process the bad report card. Processing with other people can help you be less emotional when talking to your child.
2. Celebrate the wins
It’s easy to want to address the bad grades, but it is important to find and celebrate the positives as well. Praise any progress your child has made. Also, praise any positive comments from their teachers. Good attendance, study habits, and effort are all worthy of recognition.
3. Avoid playing the blame game
It is important to avoid placing blame on your child at the beginning of this conversation. Your child may react and feel ashamed or attacked. Instead, use open-ended questions to see what your child thinks about their grades.
What do you think of your grade in _____ class?
Do you think that it is a fair grade?
Why do you think your teacher gave you this grade?
4. Hear Out Your Child
Your child may want to blame a teacher for their bad grade. They might say, "The teacher is bad" or "That teacher hates me." Although you might be quick to negate that, it may be valuable to hear your child out and ask them why they feel that way. There may be a communication or organization issue. You can address it with your child's teacher to get their perspective.
5. A bad report card can be a sign of other issues
A sudden drop in grades and poor performance can be a possible sign of depression or anxiety in children. It’s important to talk with your kids about how they’re feeling to see what’s going on. They need extra emotional support from a school counselor or a therapist.
If your child struggles to focus and follow directions, it may indicate a learning disorder. You can talk with your child’s teachers, school counselor, and pediatrician to learn more about getting your child evaluated.
6. Create a plan
When talking with your child about their bad grades, ask them what help they need to improve their grades. You can also suggest time management and organizational skills to them.
Parents may need to restructure schedules to allow for more time dedicated to homework, studying, and tutoring.
Boosting Your Daughter’s Self Esteem
A post for girl moms and girl dads.
Everywhere young ladies look, there are mixed messages about what the world wants or expects from them. It can be very hard to navigate such critical periods of life as a girl; society tells her to work hard, but not be too bossy, be assertive, but don’t be rude, be athletic, but be girly, be supportive, but don’t be a doormat, be confident, but not cocky. As parents, you do play a much more influential role than you may think. You can guide your daughter toward the morals and values that best reflect your family, while making sure that you boost her self esteem so that she feels she has the space to flourish.
Here are some ways that you can help your daughter grow into her best and most confident self:
Model body acceptance:
Try not to obsess out loud about food
Your daughter may hear you and copy if you put down your own physical appearance
Avoid talking about food as good or bad
Your own personal desire to diet or lose weight should not be your daughter’s business
Talk positively about other women
You never know what comments about other women your daughter is going to internalize
She may compare herself to said woman, or feel like she has a similar bad quality
Don’t let the other boys/ men do it in your home either
Talking trash about other women can be really harmful to a young girl in critical periods
Compliment outside of physical appearance
Each time you praise your daughter’s physical appearance, add two more compliments about her that are non-appearance based
This helps place value on other aspects of life, rather than pressure on how your daughter looks
This also teaches your daughter to put less pressure on herself and her looks
This is also good practice for other girls in your family, friend group, and circle so that your daughter continuously sees this modeled
Encourage hobbies that don’t depend on physical appearance
Involvement in activities that place value on looks can be dangerous for a girl who struggles with self esteem
Activities that build a sense of confidence can be more beneficial for her
While pageants, beauty contests, beauty products, fashion shows, modeling, dance, cheer, and other hobbies can be fun for young girls, some girls struggle with the message behind them
Keep an eye on any mentor that is promoting these types of harmful messages
Make sure your daughter is not getting the wrong idea if she is into these hobbies
If the message is winning = beauty, perfection, thinness, etc, then it is harmful
Praise for efforts rather than performance
Tolerating failure helps kids build resistance
Mastering something builds confidence, but it may not always come easy and that is okay
Placing value in the performance sends the message that struggling to master something is not as good as mastering it, which can deflate confidence
Placing value in the effort sends the message that even if it was hard to master, it was still good for them, or if they did not master it, it is okay and they can try something else
Don’t put value on people pleasing
Society will always try to tell girls and women that people want or need certain things from them
Encourage your daughter to consider what her wants and needs are
Encourage your daughter to stand up for them
You can help by asking her what she needs or wants
Let her get used to choosing and honor it (within reason)
Don’t treat her like a damsel
The message that a man needs to swoop in and save your daughter can be damaging
Treating her as fragile can make her feel helpless
Give her the opportunity, teach her the skills, provide her the tools
Encourage her to use her voice and speak up for herself
Teach her how to change her own tire
Voice that you love her unconditionally
Let her know you will love her no matter what life brings
Kids may rely on feedback from peers, but they do care what their parents think
You set the standards that your daughter will carry her whole life
Media literacy
Watch her tv shows with her and chat about what you see in them
Some of the messages the media puts out can be damaging
Help her be critical of tv shows, movies, social media, commercials, and more by communicating about it
Start sports or activities young
Girls participating in sports and activities may increase their self esteem
They learn that they need to find value within themselves
They feel good about what they put out into the world and give themselves validation rather than looking for validation elsewhere
If you feel like your daughter is struggling and you would like to get her more support, reach out today for a free, 15 minute phone consultation. Amel Counseling has child and teen therapists that are ready to provide your daughter or family with the help they need!
Talking to Your Kids About the Election
It’s that time of the year again – the time where the commercials are nonstop, the debating is never-ending, the chatter is everywhere you go, and there is a ton of misinformation all around. That’s right folks, it’s election season.
Some adults may think that this does not really involve kids and teens, they should be left out of the conversations, spared from all of the drama, or allowed to just be kids. In some cases, they are right! But there are also some kids who want to understand their parents’ point of view, hear about your values, and be informed about the election. The fact of the matter is, they will likely overhear political talk at family dinners, see infographics and videos on social media, and even partake in discussions in school with their peers.
These children and adolescents who are more curious by nature, or perhaps have an interest in politics, might be coming to you with questions about how to vote, who to vote for, and what your vote stands for.
If this is your kid, we’ve got some advice to help you decide how much you would like to share and these conversations go more smoothly.
Start off by displaying respect for all voting parties.
Explain to your child that everyone has their own perspective and points of view and in their own eyes they are doing the right thing.
Explain that everyone has different backgrounds, experiences, and values to uphold.
Understanding different points of view is important when it comes to disagreeing with others without insulting them.
Breakdowns of general ideology behind each party can also encourage your children to have independent beliefs and values.
Try not to be extremely biased toward your own political party.
Encourage them to be curious and interested in something bigger than them.
Don’t assume your kids are too young to understand or be interested in political issues.
Welcome their questions; their interest on the subject is healthy.
Kids and teens are naturally curious individuals, and are in the autonomy and exploration stages when it comes to their identity.
You might be surprised by how much they know, have heard, have thought about, and want to know more about when it comes to politics.
Politics do affect them too, and a certain (age appropriate) level of literacy should be praised.
Talk about the right to vote and how to register.
Discuss how everyone over 18 can have a voice in our country and how this is such a positive and fortunate thing for us.
Try to find YouTube videos that explain the voting process (there is a really good SchoolHouse Rock about voting that kids love!)
Pictures and picture books can be helpful for your extra young and curious by nature kids.
Even though they are too young to vote, if they are passionate about certain issues that are politically charged, look into ways that they can help at their age, whether it be in school, in the community, or by joining clubs.
Ask them about their interests, passions, and personal views and then help them research the different candidates policies on said issues.
Reassure them and talk it out if they are concerned or anxious about certain issues.
Your kids and teens may become worried about certain issues and how they are currently or will directly affect them, such as racial issues, LGBTQ issues, environmental issues, and small business laws.
It’s understandable if they are feeling confused, concerned, or uncertain, and don’t brush this off because “they are too young to understand.”
Instead give them reassurance and validation; make sure they feel heard, as this is often all kids and teens need.
If they are looking for a more solution focused response, try to reassure them by explaining how local politics and community members work hard to make sure they are protected, even if they do not prefer whoever is in office on a country wide level.
Prepare your kids and teens for disagreements and differing opinions from peers.
Kids may hear peers talking about certain political candidates, oftentimes mirroring what their parents are saying or doing.
Some children and adolescents may become very assertive about their political views, especially if they see it as the “right” or “more responsible” point of view, and in turn they may view others as wrong and irresponsible.
Try to encourage your kids to listen with empathy and accept other people’s views by teaching them that they do believe they are doing what is right.
Make sure your kid is learning factual information to weed out false statements and fear mongering.
Discuss post-election responses.
Sometimes, unfortunately, tensions get really high and the response from unhappy parties can be very emotional and violent.
Ensure your child’s safety and let them know that even if there are rallies, protests, and other outrage responses to whomever is voted in, you will protect them.
Explain that freedom of speech is a right in our country, and people are allowed to voice their disappointment and grievances as they see fit.
Be willing to engage in conversation with kids about what some of these post-election responses might look like so that they can manage their own expectations.
Explain any outrage they may be witnessing by giving their point of view and what they are so upset about, and how they may feel they will be negatively impacted by future laws put in place, while also expressing to them that violence is not the correct way to get your point across.
Although talking about politics with your kids may be difficult, or it may seem daunting, your kids very well may be confused, curious, and wanting information from you. It is totally understandable to not want to bring a political discussion up to your otherwise blissfully ignorant kids and teens; absolutely let them be kids and don’t add to their stress. However, if your kids or teens are bringing it up to you, it might be best to respectfully explain all points of view, reassure them, and engage in an educational and informative conversation with them. Remember, you are your child’s closest role model. How you handle difficult conversations truly sets the tone for them, and teaches them how to have empathy and tolerate other people’s opinions and beliefs.
If you feel like your child or adolescent could use some more support, whether they are overly anxious about politics, struggling with arguing with peers, or having a hard time tolerating others’ perspectives, feel free to reach out today!
Our therapists would be happy to have a free, 15-minute phone consultation to see how we can support your child and family.
Helping Toddlers Learn Language
For parents and caregivers
Helping children ages 0-5 learn language skills is an important stage of their growth and development.
It takes a certain level of attunement — or being aware of your child’s needs and cues — in order to best help your kid start to talk.
When the goal is to encourage toddlers to use language, we want to start by helping them to do more of what they are already doing by reinforcing their attempts to communicate.
This reinforcement ultimately makes toddlers feel proud of their attempts.
As well as the organic reinforcement of the message coming across and them getting what they were asking for, it can be helpful to cheer or smile when your child is trying to talk.
Early language progress is instinctual, and for most kids it begins naturally. However, the way parents respond can be the key in accelerating or plateauing – or even decelerating their language development.
Here are some tips that you can begin to use in the home to encourage your toddler’s language learning experience:
Avoid making kids feel stressed about talking
If they know the word, there is no need to put them on the spot
Do not ask them over and over to make sounds or say words they already know
Move on if they are looking uninterested
If they are taking longer to pick it up and speaking only a word or two, don’t push
Long sentences take time, try to encourage short sentences
Model verbal communication with your partner and other family members
Go up in complexity in small phases (aka, take baby steps!)
Show them that talking is helpful, and can be fun!
Mimic words your child says
Mimicking prompts them to mimic you back
Show them that you are excited about their progress
Make it into a fun game, or even sing!
Describe what they are doing and give them a chance to correct what you are saying
When they communicate, tell them they are doing a great job
Show them that asking for something works best
Speech comes later
Some kids will cry, point, or look at stuff if they want it
Try picking up on the nonverbal contact
This helps teach kids that communicating works
Say the word, repeat the word, but still give them what they want even if they don’t say it
This helps kids learn a new way of communicating about it
Most kids pick it up organically
The way the people in their household react to them trying language can make all the difference
Do not withhold objects until they say the word, or say the word more clearly, as this can make toddlers feel shame
Do not shame them or talk about them being behind in front of them as this can cause stress
Use a lot of words around your house, even if you are used to each other’s communication and know what each other want or are saying, still say the words so your toddler can see that using language is the most efficient
If you feel like your toddler using language is a source of stress within your family and feel like more support could be useful, do not hesitate to reach out! Amel Counseling & Consulting has a team of child therapists who can work with your toddler and family on achieving your goals. Sign up for a free, 15- minute phone consultation today and learn more about what we can do for you!
Supporting Your Child if They’re Being Bullied
for parents and guardians
Bullying can have a serious impact on your child’s self esteem and mental health. If your child is being bullied, you are probably noticing a shift in their mood, more self-deprecating comments, reluctancy to socialize, and more. Taking action toward stopping or even preventing bullying may take a village, but it also takes thought, support, and planning on your part as the parent.
Here are some ways that you can promote a safe environment amongst peers and potentially stop or prevent bullying:
Have the crucial conversations with your child.
Talk about what bullying behavior is
Educate yourselves and those around you on what constitutes bullying behavior
Bullying is repeated, targeted, victimizing, making the person feel powerless
Talk about the different forms of bullying (cyber, in-school)
Make sure your child feels confident to report bullying – whether it is happening to themselves, a friend, or a classmate
It’s not up to the child to stop the bully
Kids should feel confident taking action by reporting or confiding in an adult about a bully
The child should not feel like they need to take matters into their own hands
Tell your child how you can plan to work together and with other adults in the school/ community to handle the matter
Explain to your child that you can make others aware of the situation and expect people in authority to stop the bullying behavior
If a child is being bullied online, over text, over social media, over video games:
Try to collect evidence of the abuse
Screenshots can be very helpful
Make sure to block the aggressor
Encourage your child to take a temporary break from social media if it occurred over an app
Safety plans and rules regarding social media within your home can make your child feel less vulnerable or alone when cyberbullying occurs
As their parents, you are going to have a lot of feelings.
It's natural to feel frustrated or angry about your child being bullied
Sometimes the school may not handle it in the manner you see fit, or within a timeframe you would prefer
Try not to overreact so that you can model for them how you would like for them to handle the situation
Avoid victim blaming, telling your child to physically retaliate or confront the bully, or harsh language regarding the bully in front of them (the bully is, at the end of the day, a child too)
Try to let your child or adolescent determine the next steps
Validate their feelings
Work together on practicing safe and effective ways to combat the bullying
If your child is experiencing bullying in their community, school, online, or otherwise, it is possible that they can develop confidence issues and more symptoms of depression and/or anxiety. If this happens, you may need a mental health professional who specializes in kids and teens to help provide more support for your child and give them someone to talk to. A counselor can teach your child assertiveness skills, work with them on their self-esteem, talk about boundary making and communicating, discuss peer conflict issues with them, have parent or family sessions, teach social skills, and so much more. Reach out to Amel Counseling & Consulting today for a free, 15-minute phone consultation and get set up with a therapist for your child!
Kids & a Healthy Relationship with Technology
for parents and guardians
You might have noticed that kids lately often want to spend more time on their tablet, watching TV, or playing video games than anything outdoors or playing with toys. Perhaps it is a common argument in your household, as you yourself were raised playing four square, kick the can, hide and seek, and dolls with friends.
However, our kids’ generation has been raised with access to a lot more technology than their parents’ generation, and times are changing. Kids want to be with the times and play the latest games, know all the current YouTube stars, learn the new TikTok dances, and watch all the popular TV shows.
Here are some tips for parents to help their kids develop a healthy relationship with technology.
Not all screen time is the same.
There are some screen based activities that are damaging and addictive
There are some screen based activities that have the potential for learning
Learning and connecting are good uses of screens
There are risks and dangers, as well as benefits
Set limits.
Decide what is a healthy and realistic limit for internet time
Set the limit for your kid but also your whole family
Make sure the boundaries are clear
Explain why the limit is necessary (risks, addiction, dangerous sites, brain development)
Use parental controls that can relax as your kid gets older
Encourage caution.
Teach kids to be mindful about what they consume
Have no tolerance for online/ cyber bullying
What they say online can have serious real-world consequences
Discuss the dangers and risks.
Talk to your child about the risks of social media
Online predators, cyberbullying, age-inappropriate content, stress, anxiety, addiction, and impairing brain development/ ability to concentrate are all potential risks
Teach them how to use internet privacy tools and how to be protective of their personal information online
Monitor.
Make sure they are heeding your warnings, rules, and respecting your boundaries
Be mindful of their online behavior
Kids sometimes take risks and push boundaries even though they know it is wrong
Some kids struggle with impulse control
Help them make good decisions by making sure they are doing so
Encourage media literacy.
Make sure your kids know not to believe everything they see and read
Encourage them to research something for themselves
Be the role model.
You cannot expect your kids to practice healthy screen time rules if you are not following them yourself
If you are on your phone 24/7 they will not believe you about the risks of overusing screens
Encourage times when the whole family is engaged with something that does not require use of a screen
Enjoying meals together, board games, reading books, playing sports, going to the library, going to the movies/ having a movie night are all great activities that you can engage in together rather than all separately staring at your devices
Recognize the signs of addiction.
If your child is displaying signs of irritability when they are more active with the screens, they could be addicted to their devices
Try to notice if they are able to put it down without displaying signs of distress
Sometimes teens might say things like they get anxious if they can’t check their phone
Sometimes kids will become more argumentative, less focused, less patient, more hyper, less creative, less social, more self-isolating, or less interested in other aspects of their lives if they are addicted to tablets, phones, TV, video games, or other devices
Some kids may even display more “traditional” symptoms of addiction like not eating, not sleeping, twitching, becoming dysregulated, and more.
If your child is struggling with their relationship with technology such as social media, texting with friends, video games, TV, YouTube, and more, your child and family may need some extra support beyond these tips. Reach out to Amel Counseling & Consulting today and schedule a free, 15-minute consultation with one of our kid and teen counselors and see what we can do for you!
Learning Disorders and Signs Your Kid is Struggling
for parents.
When kids and teens are diagnosed with learning disorders, parents and caregivers might be hit with feelings of worry and concern for their school performance, wondering if this will set them back at all or become an obstacle in their lives.
What we might not think about is how a learning disorder may affect kids’ and teens’ mental health.
Kids with learning disorders often struggle with low self-esteem, depression, and anxiety.
Sometimes, if a child or adolescent is struggling with these areas, the signs are obvious, like expressing worry about their image or crying when they are frustrated with themselves.
Other times, the signs that they are struggling may go unnoticed because they are not as obvious, or do not seem directly correlated but they are.
Here are some of the signs your kid is struggling with their learning disorder diagnosis:
They are acting out.
Sometimes kids would rather be seen as badly behaved than “dumb,” so they may engage in attention seeking behaviors, become the class clown, or become the “bad kid.”
This may be to divert attention away from their academic struggles, to have a redeemable quality, or to adapt the “I don’t care” attitude to make it seem like their low grades are intentional.
Make sure you have talks with them if you see this sort of behavior or it is reported from teachers, so that they know they do not have to put up a facade.
They may make self deprecating jokes (not maybe are not jokes).
If an LD is affecting your kid’s self esteem, they may truly feel their value goes down when they struggle or fall behind in school.
If your kid senses that you believe having an LD is a bad thing, they will also follow suit.
Make sure your kid knows that having an LD is not a sign of someone being dumb, and it has nothing to do with intelligence at all.
Finding something they are good at like sports or hobbies can help provide a sense of purpose, achievement, and confidence.
They are becoming more isolated.
Some kids really take it hard if they have a learning disorder, and think that there is something wrong with them. They do not see it as a diagnosis but rather a defect.
This mentality may come with other symptoms of depression, such as becoming more recluse, hygiene issues, eating less, sleeping less, and drawing more and more inward.
Sometimes this sort of behavior can be sorted out with some chats and family time, but sometimes more support is needed, especially in school but also maybe in the form of therapy.
They are burning out.
Some kids with learning disorders start to feel burnt out because they need to work harder than their peers in order to keep up.
Spending a lot of time learning something that is difficult can be extremely frustrating, sometimes discouraging, and leave them worn out/ overly tired/ unmotivated.
Expanding interests by signing up for clubs, sports, learning new skills, and more outside of school activities can help kids experience less school-focused burnout.
Help your child set small, achievable goals and take things one step at a time so they do not feel like they need to conquer everything all at once.
If your child has been diagnosed with a learning disorder and you are starting to see an uptick in anxiety, lower self-esteem, depression-like symptoms, behavioral issues, and any other emotional struggles, please do not hesitate to reach out for more support. Call today for a free, 15-minute phone consultation and see if Amel Counseling & Consulting can provide your child and family the support needed.
Supporting Kids and Teens Through Divorce/ Separation
parent support
Divorce or separation can really turn a family into an upside down spiral. It can put strain on all of the relationships within a family system, it can create tension and friction between multiple people in the family, and kids might have a lot of big feelings if their parents are going through a divorce. Some of these big feelings could be acting out/ being impulsive or being oppositional in school, anger or irritability, depression and hopelessness, or isolation and pulling away from parents.
Here are 8 tips for supporting your kids through their potentially big feelings of divorce or separation:
Reassure them
Remind your kids they are loved
Divorce or separation does not change that
Both parents prioritize the child
Let them know that the divorce is in no way their fault
Be civil
Do not speak negatively about your ex in front of your kids
Do not make your kids pick sides
Do not argue in front of your kids
Do not let your kids know if there is any animosity
United front
Try your best to co-parent with your ex
Put differences aside if possible
Focus on the wellbeing of your child
Find common ground and key points that you can agree upon
Tell your kids important news or updates together
Handle any issues together
Professional support
Co-parenting counselors can help
Your kid might need therapy as well as this is a major event in their life
School psychologist might be a good resource as well
Be in contact with kids’ school, teachers, counselors, etc.
There are also good support groups for kids
Listen and validate
Your kids might be angry or sad
Give your children space to respond and let out their emotions
Encourage them to be honest with you about how they are feeling
Validate their emotions rather than trying to solve it
Let them know whatever they are feeling is okay
Routines
Routines can soothe kids
Try to keep kids day to day life consistent
Kids will have to switch between homes and their routine will change
Knowing that some things will stay the same will provide them some comfort
Be attentive
It’s natural for kids to experience a range of emotions and behaviors
Some of these feelings could be guilt, anxiety, isolation, trouble focusing, regression, lower motivation, or trouble focusing
Kids will try to test boundaries and need extra support
Be in touch with the school staff so that they can keep an eye out
Set clear expectations for when they do test boundaries
Be patient with them while they try to adapt
Focus on what’s in your control
If you are having difficulties cooperating with your ex, do your best
Set routines and expectations for your home that is in your control
Focus on your relationship with your son(s) and/or daughter(s)
If you are in need of further support while going through a separation or divorce, whether it be family sessions, parent sessions, or therapy for your child do not hesitate to reach out to Amel Counseling & Consulting for a free, 15-minute phone consultation today.
Healthy Parent-Teen Relationships
Tips for parents raising teens
Having a healthy and trusting relationship with your child when they are in their adolescent years is important, yet tricky. Kids are beginning to make their own decisions at this age, and some of these choices have real consequences. They are navigating decisions regarding relationships–perhaps friendly and romantic–safe driving, substance use, and sex.
However, teens’ brains are not fully developed, so they are not fully skilled at regulating emotions and can be prone to risk-taking/ impulsivity.
This can make guiding them through these years difficult for parents. But, parents’ relationships with their teenage children is vitally important, even if it is different from their role when they were kids.
Here are some tips for parents trying to navigate the terrain.
Listen:
Teens are more likely to be open with their parents if they are not forced to be
Think of teens like cats; they will come to you when they don’t feel pressure, but if they do feel pressure they can get prickly
An offhand comment about something that happened with a friend or in school might be them reaching out and giving you information without formally sitting down to talk
If you remain interested and open, engage with them, but don’t pry, they will likely tell you more
Validate:
Show teens that you understand and empathize with them when they are having a hard time
Some things that upset your teen may seem trivial; this does not mean it is good to minimize
Your teen has less life experience than you, so when something hurts them, they may think it is the end of days
Telling them that you understand and what they are going through does sound difficult is a good way to let them know you hear them and are there for them
You may be tempted to build them up by saying things like “everything happens for a reason,” but this can also be seen as dismissive
Don’t lecture:
You do get to set the rules, but nobody truly has a relationship with a parent that is a dictator
Be ready to explain the rules to them rather than simply state “you’re the child, I’m the parent”
Teens are actually more likely to follow rules if they are able to ask about them and have them explained to them, and this is not always disrespectful
Pushing boundaries is natural to a certain degree
Show trust:
Asking your teen for favors that make them seem or feel more responsible and mature is a good way of showing them that you trust them
Volunteering privilege (like having them look after something or help you with something important) shows that you believe they can handle it
This is good for self-esteem and their individuality / independence as this is developing at this time
Look for ways to show your teen that you trust them, like allowing them more developmentally appropriate freedom (a later curfew, etc)
Control your emotions:
Remember that your teen is less able to control their emotions
When tempers flare or there is arguing, it is important for parents to count to ten, take deep breaths and calm down before responding
If you are both too upset to talk, try taking a break or ‘hitting pause’ on the conversation until you are both calm
When tempers rise and there is an argument, teens can tend to say things they don’t mean or exaggerate their anger as a part of their impulsivity
Give praise:
Tell your teen whenever they do something right
Teens might seem “too cool” for your opinion, but often they deep down do care what you think
Teens can also be self-critical, or may remember constructive criticism more easily than praise
This can lead teens to believe they are doing more wrong than right, and can affect confidence
Giving your teens your approval, encouragement, and positive feedback is good for your relationship
Value family time:
For some families, this looks like meal times together (like dinner)
Families can be busy, and that is understandable
Taking time away from TV and screens to do regular check-ins is important
Check-ins that are regular should be casual and low-pressure conversations, like about sports or movies or friends
Kids who are comfortable conversing with their parents are more likely to be open with anthem about difficult subjects
Be observant:
Some kids might be more reserved or private than others
You may not be able to drag any concerning information out of them conversationally
It is important to pay attention to the way they act if they tend to be more quiet
Take note if they are no longer enjoying things they used to or are self-isolating more than usual
Pay attention to any changes in their mood, appetite, behavior, grades, motivation, or sleep
As always, if you feel that your relationship with your teen could use some work, Amel Counseling & Consulting is here for you! Reach out today for a free, 15-minute phone consultation and ask for a therapist who is willing to see your teen, or have parent and family sessions with you and your teen to work on your relationship and communication.
Coping Skills for Kids: Grief and Loss
For parents
Most young kids know about death; they are aware of it even if they don’t fully understand it.
Kids may have seen death in movies or tv shows (even cartoons), or read about it. Maybe your kids have friends who have lost a pet or a loved one, and they have glimpses of what that’s like.
But, if your child is experiencing grief firsthand, this process is completely different–and oftentimes confusing–for them.
As much as you may want to, you cannot protect your kids from the pain of grief and loss altogether. They will experience it one way or another, eventually. What you can do is help them feel safe when they are going through this process, so that they feel encouraged and allowed to express their feelings to you, as opposed to keeping it bottled up or navigating it alone.
When kids feel safe to express themselves to you, you can also provide solutions to their feelings or ways to help them process them in the form of healthy coping skills. These coping skills can be a foundation that kids will build upon and serve them well in the future.
Here are some tips for parents of grieving children:
Stick to routines:
Children find comfort in routines
Structure can help soothe anxiety
Utilize friends and family as child care if you need alone time
Don’t ignore your own grief:
Show your emotions
Reassure your kids that it is okay to be sad
Utilize your own coping skills so that your grief is not explosive or unhealthy
Model these coping skills for your kids
Children will imitate the grieving behavior of their parents
All kids grieve differently:
A child may go from crying to playing in a matter of minutes
Changeable moods do not mean they are grieving “wrong”
Playing may be a defense mechanism or a coping skill
Younger kids may show signs of regression such as bedwetting or baby talk
Kids of any age can benefit from seeing a mental health professional if they experience loss, even if they seem to be grieving healthily
Encourage them to express their feelings:
It is good for kids to talk about whatever they are feeling when grieving
There are good children’s books that can help with this discussion
Sometimes kids can’t express their grief with words
Art, music, scrapbooking, memory boxes, photo albums, storytelling, and more can all be good ways to encourage emotional expression
Be developmentally appropriate:
Try not to volunteer too much information in order to not overwhelm the child
Wait and see what questions they have, and then answer them
Sometimes young kids do not realize that death is permanent and may think that their loved one is coming back
Sometimes kids feel they are to blame for some reason
Be direct:
Kids are extremely literal and concrete; don’t use figures of speech (such as “went to sleep” or “went to the sky.”
You don’t want to instill a fear in a young child or make them think that it’s scary to go to bed, you may not wake up, or you can somehow be taken to the sky
Discussions about the afterlife:
If your family is religious and believes in an afterlife, discussing this with your child is fine and appropriate timing
Even if you aren’t religious, you can teach your child that loved ones who pass away continue to live on in our hearts and memories, and talking about them keeps their love alive
The funeral:
It is up to the discretion of the parent if the child should attend the funeral
In some cases, the funeral can provide closure
Some children cannot grasp the concept of the funeral and find it to be an intense, sad experience
Parents can ask the children if they want to attend and explain what it might be like; prepare them for what they will see and may feel
Do not force the child to go
Keep in mind that the child may get upset and need to leave, may have a meltdown, or be generally unpredictable
Do not blame yourself if they attend and it goes poorly
Alternative ideas to the child to attending the funeral: planting a tree, sharing memories about the loved one at home, having a ceremony with just your small immediate family, etc.
If your family has experienced a loss and your child is struggling with their grief, they may need more support than you are able to give on your own. Reach out to Amel Counseling & Consulting today for a free, 15-minute phone consultation with a therapist who can help your child process their grief, learn healthy coping skills, and communicate their intense emotions.
School Support for Neurodiverse Students
Neurodivergent children, such as kids who have ADHD, autism, or learning disorders, may have a harder time thriving in the classroom setting than neurotypical kids. It can sometimes be hard for teachers to automatically cater to a neurodiverse classroom, and make sure that the neurodivergent kids are getting the proper supports both academically and socially. Neurodivergent kids do have unique strengths, and unique ways of learning, that can sometimes get overlooked or underutilized by their schools.
If your child has either been diagnosed, or you suspect that they may be neurodivergent, here are some tips to bring up with their school to make sure they are getting the help they may require.
Evaluate
If your child is showing signs of being on the spectrum, attention or hyperactivity issues, or falling behind in reading/writing/math benchmarks, evaluating early is key
Evaluation can help you, as a parent, understand your child’s way of thinking and processing information
Assessing for disorders can be just for rule-out purposes, and not necessarily only if you are “sure”
Official diagnosis (if there is one present) is important when talking about school supports
Your child’s teachers, counselors, and other staff would all know and try to set them up for success
Some parents are hesitant about wanting official diagnosis, which is understandable, but a diagnosed child who is thriving with the best support possible is a more ideal scenario than an undiagnosed child who is struggling
Learning support
Your child’s diagnosis may result in a 504 plan, IEP, or 1:1, depending on what they are diagnosed with, what their needs are, and the severity of it
Different schools attack learning support differently, and it would be important to have frequent meetings with teachers/ school staff to make sure the plan in place is the correct one for your child
Each child has different needs and struggle with different areas, so learning support plans are more individualized
The correct plan can ensure your child’s ability to thrive in school
Executive function support
Executive functions include planning and organizational skills
Some neurodivergent kids struggle immensely with executive functions
Educators can provide extra help to neurodivergent kids by helping them practice organizational strategies and manage tasks
Examples of this would include visual aids, schedules, checklists, timers, different (/color coded) binders/folders/notebooks,
Educators can also be sure to nudge them in the right direction and do check-ins to see how their executive functioning is going
If teachers know this is a challenge for them, they will be sure to provide more positive feedback when organization is achieved, and also possibly be more understanding when your kid struggles more than others with it
Behavioral support
Some kids who are neurodivergent may get overwhelmed more easily and, in turn, become overstimulated
Overstimulation may lead to poor focus, meltdowns, frustration, shutting down, and more, depending on the kid, diagnosis, and severity
Teachers can help by providing tools in school that encourage a child to calm down, such as stress balls, stuffies, squishies, fidgets, and fluffy objects
Educators and school staff who know that your child needs behavioral support will be on the lookout and have more patience with your child when they need it
Neurodivergent kids may need extra help learning how to manage their emotions
Some kids may need to take movement breaks and be allowed to go stretch their legs, others may need relaxation techniques
Social support
Some neurodivergent kids have trouble when it comes to making friends and socializing
Educators and school staff can help kids build social connections with one another, especially neurodivergent kids
Schools can provide mentoring programs, structured lunch groups, and positive feedback for neurotypical kids who help and/or include neurodivergent kids in social interactions
It can be extremely beneficial to at the very least have information about what your child could potentially need if they are neurodivergent. The first step is assessment, and the next is education. Once it is established, teachers and school staff will be ready and willing to provide needed support to help your child thrive. If your child could use help outside of the home and school setting, or you could use some parent training yourself, don’t hesitate to reach out to Amel Counseling & Consulting and schedule a free, 15-minute phone consultation to see which of our therapists would be best suited for you and your family!
Tips for College Students with ADHD
Starting college is such an exciting time in teens’ lives! You’re meeting new people, trying out new activities, and you probably have a lot more independence than you ever have, especially with school.
However, with all of these opportunities come some challenges, particularly for a student who has ADHD. You might notice that, because of all of this independence, there is less structure in your schedule and support from your teachers (/professors). You have to balance your studies, extra curricular activities like sports or clubs, and your social life. This can prove to be difficult to manage on your own, and you are thrust into the expectation without practice or notice.
If you have been feeling like this transition hasn’t been easy and need some tips, there are plenty of things you can do to set yourself up for success.
Here is a good place to start:
Attendance- GO TO CLASS
It counts even if your professor isn’t on top of you about it
Skipping classes will lower your grade
Professors won’t be inclined to help you out if you always skip their class
Even if the class is too easy or boring, show up
Realistic expectations
Don’t sign up for early classes if it’s hard for you to make it in time
Schedule your classes for when your attention is at its best
Many kids with ADHD tend to do better with classes that are from noon on, because they are not morning people
Some people with ADHD have a hard time waking up
Try to sign up for classes that fit your personality and will keep your interest
Organizational skills
Get a planner or a calendar and fill in your weekly schedule
Keep track of your assignments (day-to-day is best)
Some kids with ADHD have trouble remembering when assignments are due, tests are scheduled, and planning
Each class will have a syllabus either online, handed out on day one of class, or both, and you can use this to fill in your planner and calendar
Electronic calendars can send you email reminders and phone notifications a few days and hours before assignments and tests are due
Sleep!!!!
Kids with ADHD struggle with sleep, and even neurotypical kids struggle with adapting to a good sleep schedule at the start of college
Lack of sleep will make it more difficult to focus in classes
Being tired can also lead to irritability and impulsive decision making
Aim for 8 hours of sleep and a consistent sleep schedule, even on non-school days
Sleep in on non-school days and go to bed earlier on school days
Work before play
One of the most challenging parts of college is saying no to friends who want to hang out when you need to be studying or working
It can be tempting to procrastinate your work and prioritize seeing friends, especially if they have an opposite class or daily schedule
All college campuses have resources available for kids with ADHD, which you can find in the college’s learning support services
You may need to provide documentation to receive services
Don’t wait too long to reach out for help if you are struggling managing your responsibilities
Take your meds
Use your ADHD meds as prescribed by your doctor
Don’t skip dosages (or try not to at least)
Resist the urge to misuse your meds to pull all-nighters and cram for tests
Misusing your prescription is dangerous, but also can make it more difficult to concentrate in the long run, and might disrupt your sleep schedule
Talk to your dr if your meds don’t seem to fit your needs anymore now that you are older
Join a club
The first few weeks of college might feel a little lonely or overwhelming
With so many options and so many different people, it can be hard to find your niche
Join a club to try and meet people with the same interests
Before long you will have great friends and a busy social calendar
If you have ADHD and feel like you have been struggling to adapt to your college schedule and manage your responsibilities, you can always reach out for more support from a teen therapist. Amel Counseling & Consulting can help you with your organizational, social, and time management skills. Call today for a free, 15-minute consultation!
Tips for Back to School Anxiety
Most, if not all, kids get back-to-school jitters. While many kids may be excited, they are often also anxious or nervous as well.
Back-to-school time can be exceptionally challenging for kids and teens who struggle in school, or have mental health or learning disorders.
Children and adolescents who have difficulties with the demands of the school environment are again being faced with the challenges that summer activities don’t require: sitting still, staying organized and on-task, adapting to a new/ highly structured schedule, interacting with peers, and more.
Here are six tips for parents who are trying to help their children with their back-to-school anxiety
Mental health problems may emerge or exacerbate during back-to-school time.
If your child struggles with anxiety, it may ramp up
Kids or teens may need some assistance managing their new schedule
Impose structure in family life (bedtime, mealtime, homework routine)
If your child has unusual difficulties in school, discuss with their teacher and a mental health professional
Your anxiety is contagious.
Anxiety disorders run in families, and genetic predisposition is real
Anxious environments can raise the likelihood that your child will be anxious
Kids and teens absorb the energy around them and adopt the behaviors that are modeled
Model confident and calm behavior around back-to-school time and when getting your kid ready to go to school, even if you are nervous for them
Homework time is critical.
Homework time is often an anxiety inducing time for kids and teens
Kids who have learning difficulties (and even those who don’t) can benefit from parental help with homework
A good balance between help but also allowing them to try is imperative
Structured homework sessions help lessen the burden of homework anxiety
Remain positive and encouraging
Make sure your child has a quiet, clean space to focus on homework, and assist them with organizing their stuff if they are younger
Communicate with teachers.
You can learn a lot about academic achievements and struggles from teachers
Get a head start on building a good allyship with teachers in the beginning of the year
Ask teachers if they notice any social or academic concerns with your child
A teacher may spot a learning disability or peer conflict before you do
Children often present differently without parents present
Kids’ and teens’ brains change drastically.
Teen brains begin pruning- strengthening some brain pathways that are considered useful, while eliminating others
Teens struggle with managing stress and may need some help with it
Set aside time each day to talk about their day, their challenges, their experiences, any peer conflicts, and provide guidance if needed
Teens who are in stressful situations but do not have the skills to manage stress are more susceptible to depression, anxiety, risky behaviors, and substance abuse
Don’t make assumptions about areas of struggle.
Kids and teens develop at different rates
One child may acquire skills at a certain time period, while another takes longer
Gaining skills at different rates does not need to be a bad thing
Lag in development does not automatically mean a disorder is present, but it should be noted and monitored
Discuss and keep in touch with teacher, especially if they are seasoned, because they will be able to give you a better idea of whether it is a concern
If your child has been especially struggling this back-to-school time, and you believe they could use some extra help managing their anxiety, developing social skills, and/or meeting expectations in school, don’t hesitate to reach out for a free, 15-minute consultation. You can meet with a therapist at Amel Counseling & Consulting and talk about the ways we can help your child and family.
5 Ways to Help Your Child Transition from Pre-K to Kindergarten
Back to School
As the new school year approaches, so does the transition from Pre-K to Kindergarten. While this period is marked by excitement, the change can also pose challenges for incoming kindergartners and their caregivers.
Kindergarten introduces a new schedule, school environment, classmates, teachers, and expectations—all of which can feel overwhelming.
This transition may lead to both physical and emotional fatigue for your new kindergartner, and you might observe changes in their mood and behavior.
Here are 5 strategies to help you support your child and ensure a smooth transition into kindergarten.
Create a Visual Schedule
The arrival of the new school year also brings about a fresh schedule for your child and family. Utilizing a visual schedule offers a multitude of benefits. Since your new kindergartner might not yet be able to read, a visual schedule aids their comprehension and anticipation of daily routines and activities through clear visual cues.
Engage in Storytelling
Prior to and during the transition, storytelling can serve as a valuable tool to prepare your child for kindergarten. Caregivers and siblings can share personal stories about their positive experiences during their own kindergarten years. Reading books to your child about starting school can also be helpful.
Establish an After-School Routine
A comforting after-school routine allows your child to decompress and process their day. This doesn't necessarily require an extensive period of time; a quick 20-30 minutes of rest and a snack can provide ample opportunity for your child to unwind and discuss their school day experiences.
Talking about Emotions
Although we want our incoming kindergarteners to have positive experiences during this transition, they may also experience negative emotions as well. A way to support your child is to encourage them to talk about how their day went and ask if they’re having difficulties with anything. It’s important to listen attentively and validate all their emotions!
Celebrating the Wins
It’s important to celebrate your child’s wins no matter how small! Some examples of achievements can be independently dressing themselves, completing their morning routine, transitioning into school easily, saying goodbye comfortably, and making new friends. In order to motivate your child to do these behaviors again, it’s important to praise your child to reinforce these behaviors when you see them!
By using these strategies, you can help ease the transition for your child as they step into the world of kindergarten. Remember that each child's journey is unique, so maintaining patience and responsiveness is key throughout this process.
Self Esteem and Learning Disorders
How to help your kids
When a child or adolescent gets diagnosed with a learning disorder, oftentimes the first thoughts they have are “I’m different from everybody else,” and “I’m not as good.”
This way of thinking can greatly affect kids’ and teens’ self esteem. Confidence building is something that may need to take priority following a learning disorder diagnosis.
Here are some ways parents can help their kids regain their confidence.
Focus on strengths
We want to try to change their way of thinking of the diagnosis as a weakness
Interrupt their questioning of their worth or intelligence
Just because their mind works differently than their peers when it comes to schoolwork does not mean they are not smart, or other things they may be telling themselves
Maybe your child has other talents, maybe they are a kind and generous friend, maybe they are extremely funny
Parents can help by looking out for negative self talk, and pointing out their strengths instead of just disagreeing with them
Help your child find activities they enjoy
There are typically strengths that your kid could shine in that exist outside of a traditional classroom that kids with learning disorders have
The goal is not to be the best but to encourage them to explore their different interests and increase their confidence
Some kids are great at building things, and robotics may be a good fit
Try different sports, they may excel at multiple
Theatre, gymnastics, ice skating, or dance are good options for kids who struggle to sit still in their classroom all day
Baking or art are good outlets for more creative thinkers
Singing/ musical instruments
When it comes to the schoolwork
(Because it’s unavoidable), parents can praise their kid’s hard work and attempt rather than putting so much stress and pressure on what an acceptable outcome might be, like a certain grade, even when it’s a good grade.
This helps your child understand that the effort they are putting into school is what matters.
This could look like, “I know you worked so hard on this, you spent a lot of time studying, you did your best, and that’s what matters.”
When children are diagnosed with learning disorders, their dropping grades and lack of understanding (or being able to properly show their understanding) of the material can do a number on their confidence levels. It’s possible your child needs to speak with a therapist about this, so that they can work together on building it back up and recognizing their self worth. It’s also possible that your child needs a therapist to make sure they are getting the proper accommodations in school, if they need them. Reach out to Amel Counseling and Consulting today for a free, 15- minute phone consultation for the support your child and family need.
Depression in Kids and Teens
Although depression can affect anybody of any age, it often looks different at different developmental stages. Sometimes, this can be confusing for adults, because signs of depression in children and pre-teens are not as commonly known as signs of depression in adults.
Typically, depression is categorized as feeling a sense of hopelessness, sadness, and emptiness that affects the day to day (or most days). The difference between kids and young teens and other age groups is that depression is also often paired with irritability.
Here are the signs of depression in kids and pre-teens:
A change in behavior
Getting into more trouble in school
Talking back more than usual
Becoming more sensitive to criticism
Becoming less organized/ drop in grades
Lowered motivation
Appetite changes
Stomachaches and headaches
Somatic complaints that weren’t present before
Could be using excuses to avoid certain situations
More in touch with their physical feelings than emotions
Irritability and moodiness
Mood change out of the ordinary
Crankiness could be due to sleeping more or less
Having meltdowns or outburst
Irritability in place of sadness/ feeling down
Causing more arguments
Withdrawing socially/ self isolating
Staying away from friends and going out less
Deciding socializing isn’t worth it
Being less motivated to be social
Too tired to make plans or chat with family
If your child is experiencing some or all of these symptoms, it is possible that they are struggling with depression. It would be a good idea to reach out for some extra support for your kid or pre-teen as well as parent support for the best way you can help. If you would like to schedule with one of our therapists, reach out today for a free, 15-minute phone consultation.
Talking About Bullying With Your Child
Being bullied can be a really traumatic experience for a child. It can do major damage to their self esteem.
You may want to rush in like Mama Bear or The Hulk. Maybe you are paralyzed with fear. Fear of doing or saying the wrong thing. It’s OK. It is important to keep in mind some of the reasons why kids bully each other, such as to establish power, become more popular, insecurities, issues/ instability at home, and aggression issues. Although it does not excuse the behavior, it’s helpful to understand it in order to hopefully change it.
Getting bullied can diminish your child’s self-confidence. Constant bullying causes immense psychological stress and some children can experience anxiety, and/or symptoms of depression. It can have long-term effects on kids, and really skew their sense of self. It can break down their motivation to attend school resulting in grades dropping, socialization lessening, and self-isolating.
Unfortunately, you can’t single-handedly prevent your child from being bullied or eradicate it altogether. Talking about bullying– such as explaining to your child how to handle it, encouraging communication about it, informing them on what they can expect if it does happen, and what you want them to do if they have a friend being bullied– is one of the best ways to make a difference.
5 good ways to talk about bullying with your kids
Warn your child
Talk about what bullying is and what it’s not
Explain the difference between conflict, a mean moment, and bullying
Stress that you want your child to tell you
Explain cyber bullying
Teach them to not engage
Fortify your child
Educate your child about the reasons why a bully might bully others
Answer any questions they may have
Explain that bullying says more about the bully than the victim
Teach them to resist the “herd effect” and do not follow along with bullies
Encourage your child to stand up for friends/ they will do the same
Roleplay appropriate responses
Practice dialogue with your child about how to respond to bulliesDiscuss solutions
It helps to come up with some ways to respond in advance so your child feels ready
You want to make sure they don’t add fuel to the fire
When a child is embarrassed or humiliated, they may freeze up or react in a way that makes them feel worse, so roleplaying helps
Communicate with the school
Most schools do have bullying education
Make sure schools are encouraging respect, support, and empathy among peers
Always talk to the school if there are issues with your child and a bully or one of their peers and a bully
Communicating about what is happening and what your expectations ensure the situation will be handled in a way you see fit
In extreme cases, law enforcement may need to be contacted as well as the school
The top priority is the welfare of your child
Encourage allying
Encourage your child to make deals with friends where they have each other’s backs
Friends standing up for friends, at the moment, where the bullying is actually taking place can make a huge difference
Always teach kids not to go along with bullies, especially if their friends are being targeted
Teach your child to stand up for what’s right and be loyal to their morals
Although bullying can be a very upsetting situation for your child and you as parents, it is important to handle it in the best way possible and as level-headed as you can.
As always, if you need more support from a child or teen therapist, reach out to Amel Counseling for a free, 15-minute phone consultation. We have therapists who are ready and willing to support your family and your child through tough situations with peers and bullying in schools, or any mental health issues that have come up as a result of this.
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