Teaching Social Skills at Home
Sometimes, parents struggle with teaching their young kids social cues and socialization skills in the home. These are skills that people tend to pick up on their own, and most people cannot pinpoint the instances or memories where they learned such skills. However, some kids have social skills deficits and it can begin popping up when they have playdates, early on in school, and at the playground. It can be important for parents to remember that though something might be obvious to you, it clearly is not obvious to their kids.
Luckily, there are ways to encourage your kids to develop social cues and socializing skills within the home. Here are some places to start!
Flexibility. Model it, talk about it, encourage it. Being flexible with actions and choices comes super easy to some kids, and is SO difficult for others, but at the end of the day, it is a social expectation. Having a child that is immobile, rigid and “my way or the highway” does not work well when playing with other kids.
Talk through your choices and actions to help them understand why and how to tolerate flexibility.
Encourage your child to compromise if people don’t agree.
Offer other options or solutions and explain why sometimes “the closest we can get” is the best we can hope for.
So, this did not work out, but we are going to try something else.
Taking turns. Being impatient, bossy, controlling, or steamrolling over others is not something that will be accepted with grace in social situations. In fact, this would all be seen as rude and undesirable when it comes to making friends or playing well with others. Although some stronger willed kids might be driven in ways that are very desirable, they will be held back by the very same qualities that make them so strong if they don’t have the ability to have patience and take a step back from time to time.
Sometimes taking turns is a struggle because your child is more impulsive.
Practicing, encouraging, and modeling PURPOSEFUL turn taking is helpful for everyone in your home.
Go around the table and nobody can speak until the person is finished, or you use a “talking object,” or you have your child play games where they cannot do anything until it is their turn.
If you have more than one child, you can have them take turns choosing the game, and if you don’t, you can take turns with your own child.
Different points of view. It may come as a surprise (or maybe it doesn’t) that some kids actually don’t even realize that you are not in their head, hearing their thoughts, don’t see what they do all day everyday, and/or cannot determine why they did a certain thing. When you ask, they might respond in a tone where they thought it was obvious. This goes both ways; they usually cannot see from others perspectives either. This is a skill that comes with maturity and age, but seeing things from someone else’s perspective can inspire empathy and also help them develop the skill of learning other people’s motivations and behaviors.
You can start by telling your kid why or how you made certain decisions throughout the day.
When possible, explain how you took into account how someone else might be feeling or their perspective as well.
Perhaps you noticed one of your family members or employees at work was feeling down and you tried to come up with a solution.
Make it common practice to ask your kid or talk about how someone else might be feeling, and have them guess with you or even ask the person if they can.
Utilize the media if you are struggling. What a great tool at times, though it can also feel like the enemy at other times. Why not use something so influential to help you when you can? TV shows and movies can provide examples of social skills and social cues that you might not be able to conjure up on your own. Chances are they love TV time anyway, might as well use it to your advantage!
You can always pause and discuss!
Talk about why a character did a certain thing, what could be affecting their choices or behavior, how their choices can affect others, etc.
Discuss body language, facial expressions, and other social cues that are being modeled before them in real time.
Maybe quiz them: Is this person uncomfortable or comfortable? Did this make them sad or happy? What choice could they have made that would have been better? Does this person tend to be helpful or hurtful to their friends?
Social skills in young childhood might be an area that is a struggle for your kid, and you might feel helpless if nothing you are doing is working. Maybe it is an area you struggle with too, and you feel you could use more support. Amel Counseling & Consulting has 1:1 therapists who can provide support for you and your child in this area, and also a social skills group starting up!
Reach out now for your free, 15-minute phone consultation and see how we can help!
