Supporting Kids and Teens Through Divorce/ Separation

parent support

Divorce or separation can really turn a family into an upside down spiral. It can put strain on all of the relationships within a family system, it can create tension and friction between multiple people in the family, and kids might have a lot of big feelings if their parents are going through a divorce. Some of these big feelings could be acting out/ being impulsive or being oppositional in school, anger or irritability, depression and hopelessness, or isolation and pulling away from parents.

Here are 8 tips for supporting your kids through their potentially big feelings of divorce or separation:

1. Reassure them

• Remind your kids they are loved

• Divorce or separation does not change that

• Both parents prioritize the child

• Let them know that the divorce is in no way their fault

2. Be civil

• Do not speak negatively about your ex in front of your kids

• Do not make your kids pick sides

• Do not argue in front of your kids

• Do not let your kids know if there is any animosity

3. United front

• Try your best to co-parent with your ex

• Put differences aside if possible

• Focus on the wellbeing of your child

• Find common ground and key points that you can agree upon

• Tell your kids important news or updates together

• Handle any issues together

4. Professional support

• Co-parenting counselors can help

• Your kid might need therapy as well as this is a major event in their life

• School psychologist might be a good resource as well

• Be in contact with kids’ school, teachers, counselors, etc.

• There are also good support groups for kids

5. Listen and validate

• Your kids might be angry or sad

• Give your children space to respond and let out their emotions

• Encourage them to be honest with you about how they are feeling

• Validate their emotions rather than trying to solve it

• Let them know whatever they are feeling is okay

6. Routines

• Routines can soothe kids

• Try to keep kids day to day life consistent

• Kids will have to switch between homes and their routine will change

• Knowing that some things will stay the same will provide them some comfort

7. Be attentive

• It’s natural for kids to experience a range of emotions and behaviors

• Some of these feelings could be guilt, anxiety, isolation, trouble focusing, regression, lower motivation, or trouble focusing

• Kids will try to test boundaries and need extra support

• Be in touch with the school staff so that they can keep an eye out

• Set clear expectations for when they do test boundaries

• Be patient with them while they try to adapt

8. Focus on what’s in your control

• If you are having difficulties cooperating with your ex, do your best

• Set routines and expectations for your home that is in your control

• Focus on your relationship with your son(s) and/or daughter(s)

If you are in need of further support while going through a separation or divorce, whether it be family sessions, parent sessions, or therapy for your child do not hesitate to reach out to Amel Counseling & Consulting for a free, 15-minute phone consultation today.