Supporting Kids and Teens Through Divorce/ Separation

parent support

Divorce or separation can really turn a family into an upside down spiral. It can put strain on all of the relationships within a family system, it can create tension and friction between multiple people in the family, and kids might have a lot of big feelings if their parents are going through a divorce. Some of these big feelings could be acting out/ being impulsive or being oppositional in school, anger or irritability, depression and hopelessness, or isolation and pulling away from parents.

Here are 8 tips for supporting your kids through their potentially big feelings of divorce or separation:

  1. Reassure them

    • Remind your kids they are loved

    • Divorce or separation does not change that

    • Both parents prioritize the child

    • Let them know that the divorce is in no way their fault

  2. Be civil

    • Do not speak negatively about your ex in front of your kids

    • Do not make your kids pick sides

    • Do not argue in front of your kids

    • Do not let your kids know if there is any animosity

  3. United front

    • Try your best to co-parent with your ex

    • Put differences aside if possible

    • Focus on the wellbeing of your child

    • Find common ground and key points that you can agree upon

    • Tell your kids important news or updates together

    • Handle any issues together

  4. Professional support

    • Co-parenting counselors can help

    • Your kid might need therapy as well as this is a major event in their life

    • School psychologist might be a good resource as well

    • Be in contact with kids’ school, teachers, counselors, etc.

    • There are also good support groups for kids

  5. Listen and validate

    • Your kids might be angry or sad

    • Give your children space to respond and let out their emotions

    • Encourage them to be honest with you about how they are feeling

    • Validate their emotions rather than trying to solve it

    • Let them know whatever they are feeling is okay

  6. Routines

    • Routines can soothe kids

    • Try to keep kids day to day life consistent

    • Kids will have to switch between homes and their routine will change

    • Knowing that some things will stay the same will provide them some comfort

  7. Be attentive

    • It’s natural for kids to experience a range of emotions and behaviors

    • Some of these feelings could be guilt, anxiety, isolation, trouble focusing, regression, lower motivation, or trouble focusing

    • Kids will try to test boundaries and need extra support

    • Be in touch with the school staff so that they can keep an eye out

    • Set clear expectations for when they do test boundaries

    • Be patient with them while they try to adapt

  8. Focus on what’s in your control

    • If you are having difficulties cooperating with your ex, do your best

    • Set routines and expectations for your home that is in your control

    • Focus on your relationship with your son(s) and/or daughter(s)

If you are in need of further support while going through a separation or divorce, whether it be family sessions, parent sessions, or therapy for your child do not hesitate to reach out to Amel Counseling & Consulting for a free, 15-minute phone consultation today.