Boosting Your Daughter’s Self Esteem
A post for girl moms and girl dads.
Everywhere young ladies look, there are mixed messages about what the world wants or expects from them. It can be very hard to navigate such critical periods of life as a girl; society tells her to work hard, but not be too bossy, be assertive, but don’t be rude, be athletic, but be girly, be supportive, but don’t be a doormat, be confident, but not cocky. As parents, you do play a much more influential role than you may think. You can guide your daughter toward the morals and values that best reflect your family, while making sure that you boost her self esteem so that she feels she has the space to flourish.
Here are some ways that you can help your daughter grow into her best and most confident self:
Model body acceptance:
Try not to obsess out loud about food
Your daughter may hear you and copy if you put down your own physical appearance
Avoid talking about food as good or bad
Your own personal desire to diet or lose weight should not be your daughter’s business
Talk positively about other women
You never know what comments about other women your daughter is going to internalize
She may compare herself to said woman, or feel like she has a similar bad quality
Don’t let the other boys/ men do it in your home either
Talking trash about other women can be really harmful to a young girl in critical periods
Compliment outside of physical appearance
Each time you praise your daughter’s physical appearance, add two more compliments about her that are non-appearance based
This helps place value on other aspects of life, rather than pressure on how your daughter looks
This also teaches your daughter to put less pressure on herself and her looks
This is also good practice for other girls in your family, friend group, and circle so that your daughter continuously sees this modeled
Encourage hobbies that don’t depend on physical appearance
Involvement in activities that place value on looks can be dangerous for a girl who struggles with self esteem
Activities that build a sense of confidence can be more beneficial for her
While pageants, beauty contests, beauty products, fashion shows, modeling, dance, cheer, and other hobbies can be fun for young girls, some girls struggle with the message behind them
Keep an eye on any mentor that is promoting these types of harmful messages
Make sure your daughter is not getting the wrong idea if she is into these hobbies
If the message is winning = beauty, perfection, thinness, etc, then it is harmful
Praise for efforts rather than performance
Tolerating failure helps kids build resistance
Mastering something builds confidence, but it may not always come easy and that is okay
Placing value in the performance sends the message that struggling to master something is not as good as mastering it, which can deflate confidence
Placing value in the effort sends the message that even if it was hard to master, it was still good for them, or if they did not master it, it is okay and they can try something else
Don’t put value on people pleasing
Society will always try to tell girls and women that people want or need certain things from them
Encourage your daughter to consider what her wants and needs are
Encourage your daughter to stand up for them
You can help by asking her what she needs or wants
Let her get used to choosing and honor it (within reason)
Don’t treat her like a damsel
The message that a man needs to swoop in and save your daughter can be damaging
Treating her as fragile can make her feel helpless
Give her the opportunity, teach her the skills, provide her the tools
Encourage her to use her voice and speak up for herself
Teach her how to change her own tire
Voice that you love her unconditionally
Let her know you will love her no matter what life brings
Kids may rely on feedback from peers, but they do care what their parents think
You set the standards that your daughter will carry her whole life
Media literacy
Watch her tv shows with her and chat about what you see in them
Some of the messages the media puts out can be damaging
Help her be critical of tv shows, movies, social media, commercials, and more by communicating about it
Start sports or activities young
Girls participating in sports and activities may increase their self esteem
They learn that they need to find value within themselves
They feel good about what they put out into the world and give themselves validation rather than looking for validation elsewhere
If you feel like your daughter is struggling and you would like to get her more support, reach out today for a free, 15 minute phone consultation. Amel Counseling has child and teen therapists that are ready to provide your daughter or family with the help they need!
