The "Green Flags" of a Friendship or Relationship
By Juliana Lewellen
It seems like we talk about red flags a lot. We read about red flags in romantic partners, red flags in friendships, red flags in a family member, etc.
If you are a teen or a young adult, you probably (definitely) feel like you have been beyond warned about what is a BAD characteristic in someone you are dating, and what you DON’T want in a friend.
That is all super important, of course! But sometimes, constantly reading about the dangers and warnings of others can be a little much.
What we rarely discuss is green flags. Green Flags are good signs, or positive attributes to look for in others. Attributes that you may want to adopt for yourself, because they made you feel so good when they did this for you.
Let’s discuss Green Flags to look for in romantic partners and friends instead, shall we?
1.Support.
It is a super important green flag when someone you are dating or are friends with is supportive of your success. Is your boyfriend proud of you for getting accepted to your number 1 college? Are your friends happy for you when you make the basketball team? Great! It is both an amazing feeling and a green flag when your loved ones are supportive of your success and hard work, instead of threatened by it. If they make you feel bad… this is not a green flag.
2. Respect.
Another really important green flag is respect of your boundaries and feelings. Whether it be not telling jokes to you that they know you do not enjoy, not starting conversations with you that they know you do not wish to be a part of, or respecting your emotions after something happens, boundaries are extremely important in relationships. This is also important in relationships when it comes to intimacy. Your partner should respect your boundaries and communicate about them with you often. People who respect your boundaries and abide by them are exhibiting really important green flag behavior.
3. Mutual happiness.
If your friend or romantic partner have a mutual happiness for you, this is a green flag. If it makes you happy to make other friends, they should be happy for you rather than jealous or possessive. If a friendship is valuable to you, your girlfriend should value it for you as well. If participating in a hobby is a way that you express your love for life, your friend or significant other should find happiness in that and allow you that time to yourself. Bonus points if they want to learn more about the things that make you happy, listen to your favorite bands with you, or watch your favorite movie to chat about it.
4. Communication.
If your friend or romantic partner actually communicates their thoughts and feelings with you, this is a huge green flag. We aren’t mind-readers, and sometimes expecting people to be can cause a lot of drama and arguments. Opening up a two-way street where you can communicate your own feelings, and they do the same, is a really great way to maintain a healthy relationship.
5. Thoughtfulness.
Sometimes this is a tough one for teens and young adults, so try to be understanding of your friend or loved one if they are still learning this. Being thoughtful is an extremely positive attribute and when you see that you have a friend or partner who has this green flag, know how important it is. If you have a friend who asks how you are doing, remembers to check in, and thinks of you often, value that. One way that a friend or a significant other can show you that they are being thoughtful is to ask you if you have the emotional capacity to listen before they unload their problems or vent to you. Another way could be to shoot you a kind text if they know you are struggling, or buy you a candy bar because they know you like it. There are a lot of ways this green flag can manifest, but this is a good one.
If you would like to learn more, or feel as though you are struggling with finding/ building / maintaining these types of relationships, schedule with an Amel therapist today.