Amel Counseling Blog
Self-care for Caregivers
As parents and caregivers, you may find that it is difficult to support your own needs while caring for your child when they are going through a stressful time. When your child receives a mental health diagnosis, you are inclined to focus all of your energy on making sure they are receiving the proper help and are on the track to feeling better.
However, you won’t be able to provide the most effective support if you are neglecting your own needs in the process.
Although demands on your time may seem overwhelming, like there is not enough time in a day, it’s important to make time to do activities that bring you joy and feel refreshed. This will help you feel more fulfilled and energized, and you will be able to reach your potential as a loving and supporting parent, rather than being burnt out and exhausted.
Here are some tips to consider when doing positive things for yourself:
Schedule time for yourself.
You may need to formally set aside certain hours of the day for your “Me Time.”
Fun activities- do something that is solely for the enjoyment, like watch a movie, read a good book, or take yourself out for a meal
Social activities- take time to spend with people who make you feel happy or laugh
Physical activities- exercise, take walks, do yoga, join a sports league, or whatever your jam is
Mastery activities- master a new skill or perfect one that you already have, take up a new hobby, or learn something that makes you feel accomplished
Remember your physical needs.
Physical health and mental health are connected, and directly impact one another. When you neglect your physical needs, it can affect your ability to handle stress.
Sleep schedule- make sure you are sleeping enough and have a good, relaxing bedtime routine.
Basic needs- eat regular, healthy meals and remember to stay hydrated.
Doctor visits- don’t neglect your yearly check-ups and remember to see the doctor as needed.
Physical activities- again, remember to move your body in whatever way you prefer to.
Be patient with yourself.
Your thoughts will affect your feelings, how well you handle stressful situations, and the way you respond to challenges.
Speak kindly to yourself instead of overly criticizing.
Remind yourself that you are doing the best that you can.
There is no such thing as the perfect parent.
Your children are watching and when you show yourself patience and grace, you are being a good role model.
Practice mindfulness.
Staying in the present helps you feel more grounded. You will be more able to recognize and let go of unhelpful thoughts and emotions, and focus on being solution-focused.
Focus on your breathing
Count each inhale and exhale slowly
Explore the sensations in your body
Practice this regularly to reduce stress
Find support.
Don’t be afraid to ask for support when you feel that you need it.
There may be some support groups running in your area where others there will understand your stressors.
You could speak with an individual/ family therapist that can provide the support you need.
Lean on friends and family for childcare when you need a break.
Reach out to other parents in your community or school district for advice to reduce feelings of isolation.
If you feel like you could benefit from a child, teen, or family therapist, reach out for support today. Amel Counseling offers free, 15-minute phone consultations. Let us see how we can help support you, your child, and your family.
Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Kids
Generalized anxiety disorder, often abbreviated as GAD can be quite common among children, although it is also sometimes missed or misdiagnosed.
Kids who tend to be very anxious about many things, situations, or scenarios may have GAD.
Their anxieties may seem random, they are not specific fears or phobias, and parents might wonder where their kid even got these ideas.
A child who has GAD gets stuck in the “what if’s” and worries about every little thing, even if it does not seem relevant, plausible, or concerning at the moment.
The What If Worries
What if my parents die?
What if I fail my classes?
What if my dad loses his job?
What if we have a break in?
It is important to note that, in GAD, these worries would be not tied to any specific stressful/ traumatic event. This is not to say that their concerns are unfounded, it’s just that their worries are sort of all over the place and not a result of anything in their history.
This constant will have an effect on your child’s well-being and day to day activities in order for it to be diagnosed as GAD.
Children with GAD are often perfectionists.
They may put a lot of pressure on themselves to get good grades, perform well in school, and be skilled in their extracurricular activities.
Kids with GAD also tend to get upset very easily if they make small mistakes or don’t live up to their own expectations, which can sometimes be unrealistic.
They may need to be reminded often that you don’t want them to put so much pressure on themselves, or that it’s okay to slip up sometimes.
Kids with GAD may also be people pleasers by nature.
Because it can be really anxiety inducing when they think people don’t like them, they may be overly accommodating so that they are well liked. The problem is, this can lead to peer pressure.
They may need to be reminded that they are good enough just the way they are, and need some reassurance that they don’t need to try so hard to be well liked.
They may also struggle with confidence because it’s literally impossible to be perfect and liked by everyone, but these are the self assigned expectations that they are trying to keep up with.
So, aside from offering support, validation, and reassurance, what can you do?
GAD often gets worse if it goes untreated.
It can, however, be treated with therapy and sometimes medication.
A therapist might work with your child on gaining confidence, assertiveness training, working on their unhelpful/ intrusive thoughts, and more.
Some of the treatment options are cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), Strengths-based approach, and art therapy. All of these options can be extremely effective for GAD.
If your child seems to be struggling with GAD and you feel they could use further support with a therapist, reach out today for a free, 15-minute consultation call and if Amel Counseling & Consulting can help your child and family.
What to do if Your Kid Feels Lonely
Children who feel lonely might not know how to express their feelings to their parents. They may need help, but not know how to ask for it.
There are, however, some things that parents can do to support them and encourage them to open up about how they are feeling.
In doing this, they can also help kids build connections with peers and, in turn, feel less lonely.
Here are some ways parents can help:
Open up the conversation.
Kids who are feeling lonely may struggle with where to start or how to say so.
Sometimes sharing your own experiences can get them talking about theirs.
Start simple.
You could try saying something like, “Sometimes I might feel lonely if I haven’t seen my friend for a while.”
Give kids the space to talk.
It’s important to stay judgment-free.
Sometimes it is tempting to give advice and problem solve, but listening patiently at first can help.
Let your child see that it is safe for them to express themselves.
Validate, and show empathy, even if you might feel like it isn’t a big deal.
Understand that sometimes, when kids don’t socialize a lot, they may be anxious to do so
Make a plan with them together.
Ask them what they might need to do to feel better and less lonely, and see what they come up with first.
You could then encourage your child to ask a classmate to hang out.
Sometimes roleplaying social situations helps kids practice.
Help your child create concrete, helpful steps.
Talk through ways to resolve conflict with peers, using hypotheticals.
Find after school activities that they would enjoy and can join.
If your child has expressed feeling lonely, and struggles to socialize with peers, but you think they may need more assistance than a family discussion, don’t hesitate to reach out for a therapist today. Amel Counseling & Consulting has therapists who work with kids and teens that struggle with social anxiety, depression, and other obstacles that could be the reason why your child is feeling lonely and struggling to thrive socially. Schedule your free, 15-minute phone consultation today and see if we can provide your child and family with the support you need.
Difficulties of Highly Sensitive People
Highly sensitive people (or HSP) are very emotional, compassionate, generous, empathetic people. They tend to be perceptive, intuitive, self-aware, thoughtful, and led by their heart. Sometimes, highly sensitive people start to show signs that they are HSP early on, even in childhood, although the signs can sometimes be challenging for parents to perceive. Some of these signs may pose obstacles to the individual, because with each positive trait also comes some struggles. If you feel that your child may be considered a HSP, or have been wondering about it for some time, here is a list of the different difficulties that highly sensitive people have.
Struggling with uncertainty
HSPs tend to be a bit indecisive, due to their tendency to overthink.
This is one that may pop up early on such as in childhood or teen years, and your kid might be trying to rationalize choices about things that you find to be insignificant.
This is because it isn’t insignificant to them, and they are trying to mentally figure out the different paths that each choice can lead.
They may need some patience, assistance, and modeling with choice making.
Overstimulation
HSPs tend to respond sensitively to external stimuli.
If your child is struggling with this, maybe they struggle with loud noises, certain texture foods, different clothes, and going to the bathroom.
This is commonly misread and misunderstood by parents because it may seem like the child is just being difficult.
A child who struggles with overstimulation may have outbursts when overstimulated.
A parent would need to work patiently with their child (and perhaps a professional) to establish, model, and teach healthy coping skills.
Feeling things very deeply
An HSP may be very sensitive to other situations and other people’s feelings.
A child that is an HSP may cry a lot, and that may be their emotional response to a bunch of different unpleasant feelings (anger, frustration, sadness, stress).
Feeling things deeply is a strength and not a weakness, if you have the right outlook.
Encourage communication with words, but make sure your kid knows that it’s okay to feel their feelings as well.
Do not shame them for being emotional.
Having anxiety and getting overwhelmed
It’s common for HSPs to struggle with anxiety.
This goes hand in hand with the overstimulation as well as overthinking.
A child that is an HSP may worry more than other children.
They may require more reassurance, support, coping skills, ways to self soothe, communication, and patience.
Anxiety in children can look like irritability, frustration, anger, change in sleep/appetite, crying more, nightmares, grades dropping, avoidance, and more.
Feeling physically ill and exhausted when stressed
HSP may experience somatic symptoms on top of their emotional and mental ones.
Common physical symptoms that HSPs may have are stomach aches, headaches, tiredness, aching, and face pressure.
A child commonly complaining of physical symptoms on top of showing other signs of being an HSP may need to see a mental health professional.
It would be important to teach your child that their body responds to their mind, and to understand that the root cause of some of their body aches is their mental health.
Thriving with routines and liking to plan ahead
Most children thrive with routine and plans, but an HSP thrives even more with it.
When planning ahead goes wrong or isn’t possible, the unknown can be stressful as well.
A highly sensitive child may want/need you to come up with plans for them, and discuss things far in advance with them.
They may need reassurance.
ambition, perfectionism, overthinking, imposter syndrome
Although being ambitious, passionate, and hard working are good qualities, HSP can second guess themselves.
This leads to wondering if they are even doing things right, although they do have the motivation and desire to succeed.
Some kids who struggle with this may struggle with test taking because they second guess their answers.
Others may struggle with their own talents because they want to be perfect.
Kids who are HSP may be extremely hard on themselves.
If you feel like your child or teen may be a highly sensitive person who struggles with any of these areas, and they could benefit from support from a mental health professional, don’t hesitate to reach out. Amel Counseling has child and teen therapists willing to help your child and family thrive. Call today for a free, 15 minute phone consultation and see how we can work together!
Discussing Dysgraphia
Some kids struggle more than others with learning how to write.
In some cases, the reason for this could be dysgraphia, which is a learning disorder.
There are different ways that kids with dysgraphia may find it difficult to learn how to write.
Some kids have trouble with fine motor skills, like holding a pencil and writing words neatly, and others struggle with the cognitive aspects of organized writing. Some kids have a combination of both.
One thing to always remember about any learning disorder is that it can greatly lower kids’ self esteem when it comes to school. This can affect their grades, causing them to feel frustrated about not being caught up with the material, which can lower their motivation to complete their work, and create a cycle that kids feel stuck in. They may feel they have dug themselves a hole they cannot get out of.
This may also present as kids having behavioral issues.
Kids might also experience anxiety, depression, homework-induced stress, emotional dysregulation, meltdowns, and more.
So, how can we help?
Parents can help by advocating for your kids to make sure they have got the proper support in school. This can look like an IEP or 504 plan, and may vary depending on your child’s needs and what they struggle with specifically.
Parents can also help by praising your kid for their hard work, recognizing that it is much harder for your child than others.
Empathy is also a major key in making sure your child is set up for success if they have dysgraphia.
Oftentimes people may assume that a child with a learning disorder is lazy, that they are not smart, or that they have behavioral issues. It is important to remember that these are misunderstandings and that your child learns differently than other kids.
With a diagnosis in place, everybody on the same page, and the proper support in place in school, kids with dysgraphia can learn how to write and excel in school. They can be taught how to manage their symptoms and become more confident students. The first step in this process would be to get your child evaluated and diagnosed so that their school is able to provide the help that they need.
Although learning disorders present a major challenge for children in school, and dysgraphia can be a particularly difficult learning disorder to have, children with dysgraphia can still thrive in school if their learning environment is appropriate.
If you feel that your child is struggling with the emotional symptoms associated with a learning disorder, such as anxiety, depression, low self-confidence, and behavioral issues, and you would like to receive additional support, do not hesitate to schedule an appointment with a child therapist today. At Amel Counseling we offer free, 15-minute phone consultations and we can see how we can support you and your family.
Modeling Healthy Coping Skills
It’s important for parents to show their children how to utilize healthy coping skills when they are faced with big emotions.
Parents do not need to hide their undesirable or unpleasant feelings, especially anxiety, anger, or sadness. You want to teach your kids that these feelings are normal and what to do to feel better.
Coping skills are ways to work through unpleasant feelings.
Coping skills are strategies that help handle intense emotions.
Different people use different strategies, but some examples could be positive self-talk, journaling, movement/exercising, grounding/mindfulness techniques, and listening to music.
When kids see you using healthy coping skills, they copy you.
It’s helpful to utilize your coping skills in front of your kids rather than repressing your anger, sadness, or anxiety.
This may be uncomfortable at times but it is a really important lesson for kids.
Take it a step further and communicate with them what you are doing as you are doing it.
You could say something like: “I’m getting overwhelmed, so I am going to take some deep breaths and take a break.” This communication is also good because they won’t take it personally if you need space.
Modeling coping skills helps normalize big feelings.
Your child seeing you self-soothe and treat yourself with kindness teaches them that undesirable feelings are normal, they happen to everyone, and they are manageable.
This will, in turn, give your kids the tools needed to handle their own challenging feelings when they experience the same ones.
Parents do not need to be perfect. Parents do not need to pretend that they only experience positive emotions and never are faced with challenging ones.
Instead, communicate with your kids when you are feeling sad, mad, and nervous. Let them know that they are not alone when they feel that way. Model healthy coping mechanisms and outlets for them. Talk them through your process.
And, as always, if you feel as though you could use more support in this area, and that your kids struggle with big emotions and have a hard time using coping skills, reach out to Amel Counseling for a child or teen therapist today. Schedule a free, 15-minute phone consultation and see what this support could look like for your child and your family.
Tolerating Failure
Failing at some things and needing to bounce back is an inevitable lesson we all learn at some point in our lives.
Failure is a part of life.
When children don’t succeed, it’s important to help them tolerate it and encourage them not to give up. This will make them stronger and more resilient when they are forced to face life’s challenges.
When children feel that failure is end-all-be-all, or that things going wrong is simply not an option, they are more at risk for meltdowns caused by anxiety and pressure to succeed.
Not learning how to tolerate anxiety leaves kids more susceptible to anxiety disorders.
How can parents teach kids to fail well?
Here are some tips to encourage your kids to tolerate failure.
Be empathetic.
Your child is allowed to be upset about failing; validate their feelings.
Try not to brush off their concerns in an attempt to console them.
Even if the failure seems small, it might be big to them.
Instead of saying, “it’s no big deal,” say, “I understand that you wanted to do better, and I can see that you are disappointed.”
Model problem-solving.
Learning how to problem solve is one of the biggest lessons from failure.
Encourage kids to use failure as a learning experience and have a conversation about it.
What can your child do differently next time?
What would the best next steps look like so that they can feel better right now?
Encourage acceptance.
It’s normal for things to go wrong sometimes.
Model healthy coping skills when they are feeling frustrated, upset, angry, etc–and talk about what they are feeling.
Tell your child about a time you failed, what you learned, and how you moved on.
Make sure they know that you are not disappointed so that you don’t add pressure.
Although accepting and moving on from failure is a lesson that even adults struggle with, it’s such an important lesson for kids to learn it young. When children fail and think that it’s the worst thing, they put immense pressure on themselves and are more at risk for anxiety and other mental health struggles. If your child learns from a young age that failure is more just an opportunity to learn a life lesson, they will be able to cope with the negative feelings associated with failure. If you feel that you, your child, or your family could use more support in this area, please reach out to Amel Counseling & Consulting for a free, 15-minute consultation call today!
Talking About Suicide
September is world suicide prevention month.
About one million people die by suicide every year. Globally, suicide is in the top 3 leading causes of death.
The most important keys to suicide prevention is awareness, education, and communication.
Communication can be easier said than done.
It can be a tough subject for people to talk about in general, especially parents with their children. Sometimes parents can worry that talking to their kids and teens about suicide is actually going to increase the likelihood, but experts say this is not the case.
If there are any specific situations in your child or adolescents’ school that would involve having a conversation about suicide, experts encourage this. It may be hard, as their parents, to sit down and discuss such upsetting situations. But it is more important for them to know that you want them to come to you immediately if they are struggling.
Opening up the conversation about suicide for your children is also important because it de-stigmatizes the subject,not only helping them to understand that they can come to you but that they can discuss suicide with their friends too if they see anything concerning amongst their peers.
Kids and teens who appear to be struggling but have difficulties with admitting they need help might benefit from parents directly asking them about suicide. This can send the message that the parent cares, that they want to help them, and that there is nothing to be ashamed of. Beating around the bush makes it seem like something shameful, and ignoring it sends the message that their struggles are not concerning.
Some kids and teens who have contemplated suicide keep it close to the vest and hide their feelings, but others are open about it and let those close to them know that they are in pain. This is why it may be beneficial to ask your child if you have seen any signs that are concerning.
Here are some of the warning signs to watch out for if you are worried about your child or adolescent having suicidal ideations.
Mood swings
Changes in sleep- less or more
Changes in appetite- eating less or eating more
Dropping grades
Giving away belongings- especially important ones
Isolating from friends and family in their room
Reckless behavior
Using drugs or alcohol
Writing or drawing about suicide
Expressing feeling like a burden or unworthy
Expressing feeling unwanted or like they don’t belong
Expressing hopelessness
Talking (even joking) about wanting to die
Strange internet search history
It’s also important to add that any and all suicidal thoughts should be taken seriously, so a conversation about suicide could genuinely be lifesaving for your kid or teen.
It would be especially imperative to look out for warning signs of suicide if your child or adolescent is being bullied in school, if your family has a history of mental health disorders, if your family has ever experienced a death by suicide, or if they have struggled or do struggle with alcohol/substance abuse.
If your child or teen needs immediate and urgent help with this, here are some resources:
Call or text 988 - The Suicide and Crisis Lifeline
Available 24 hours.
If you would like to begin counseling with a child or adolescent therapist, don’t hesitate to reach out to Amel Counseling & Consulting today for a free, 15-minute phone consultation so that we can see how we can provide proper support for you and your family.
De-escalating Strategies for Meltdowns
Sometimes kids' emotions get too big for them. Whether it’s stress, sadness, grief, anxiety, frustration, anger, or depression, a lot of times kids will blow up when they don’t know how to express themselves or calm down.
As parents, you are not perfect and nobody expects you to be. You have your own feelings, frustrations, and stress, and emotions to work through. When your child is having a meltdown, it can be really difficult to have controlled responses and know the best possible reaction to have in order to not make matters worse.
If your child has been having meltdowns, there are a lot of different things that you could try doing (or avoid doing) to help de-escalate the situation.
Here are some tips:
Avoid making demands
This can agitate the situation
Your child cannot focus on the demands
Try being silent
It can calm your child down if you are nonreactive
Talking can make overstimulation worse
Try remaining nonjudgmental
It can be important for them to know that you are understanding
They are more likely to try to work out their feelings or open up if they know you won’t hold it against them
Try decreasing sensory stimulation
Try turning down the TV or turning off anything that is making a lot of noise
Sometimes background noise, bright lights, or loud sounds can make meltdowns worse
Try using calming sensory input
A fuzzy blanket, warm colors, and soft/calming music can make them feel better
Fidgets, stress balls, and stuffed animals can help as well
Try deep breathing
This can calm them physiologically
Lowers their heart rate, tells their mind to calm down, and helps them understand they are safe
Try using distractions
Music, their favorite show, a book, or toys can help them turn their focus on something else
Avoid trying to reason
There is a time and place for reasoning, but mid-meltdown is not it
Logical reasoning is difficult when they are overstimulated or have heightened emotions
Avoid yelling
Yelling can further agitate or upset them
Try being aware of your body language
Even though you may be getting frustrated, it’s important to remain calm yourself
You don’t want your child to think they are in trouble
Avoid crowding their personal space
They may need some room to “cool down”
Try validating their feelings, but not their actions
Tell them you understand why they feel the way that they feel, but there are better ways to express that
After they are calm, you can teach them how to better express their feelings
Try answering their questions, but ignore verbal aggression
Sometimes keeping it short and simple is best
If they are agitated or upset because they don’t understand something, calmly answer
Ignore them when they are being verbally aggressive
Try getting down to your child’s level
Sometimes sitting on the floor can help
Speak quietly and use words that they understand
Try taking a walk or movement break
This can help children “reset”
Changing scenery, moving their body, and getting fresh air can make a huge improvement
If your child is having frequent meltdowns and you feel as though you could use more support in this area, don’t hesitate to reach out for a child therapist at Amel Counseling & Consulting today!
Back to School Anxiety
Going back to school can be a bit of a trigger for some kids and teens.
Some kids are more perceptive and attune to their emotions, while others can be weighed down by their own expectations and perfectionism. Because of this, when fall semester peaks around the corner, your kid can start to have some big worries and might start acting differently.
Talking to your kid and making them feel supported can really help with their back to school anxiety.
If your kid or teen has been overly irritable or moody, showing signs of stress, having difficulties with sleep, or trying to avoid school related subjects/ situations, it’s possible that they are feeling nervous about returning to school or starting a new grade.
Here are some tips for working through back to school anxiety:
It’s okay if they don’t want to talk about it at first, or at all!
If you can sense that your kid or teen is feeling anxious about going back to school, but they want to avoid the subject altogether, this is actually a common coping mechanism.
The most important thing is not forcing them to talk about it but letting them know that you understand and are here for them.
It might help to give them some space and time before they can open up about it.
Let them know that you are here for them now and any time they feel stressed about school.
Hear your kid or teen out if they do want to talk.
If your kid or teen does want to talk about it, hear them out (without automatically telling them it’s fine).
Acknowledge the worries that have and validate them.
They could be worried about harder classes, socializing, getting older, moving to a new school, or balancing their workload; all of these are valid concerns and it’s important for them to know that.
After validation, let them know that you would like to try and make a plan so that they can feel better.
Brainstorm together.
Try to come up with some solutions together for the reasons that they are feeling anxiety about going back to school.
You could try to come up with a system or a routine together to help them balance their workload.
You could buy a white board for them so that they can stay on top of their weekly schedule.
You could work together to make sure they are not feeling overwhelmed or over scheduled.
You could even practice socializing with them, such as having them introduce themselves to you or practice starting conversations and making friends; nothing is too silly and anything can be helpful if your child feels it is.
Talk about some of the stuff they may be looking forward to.
AFTER validating your child’s concerns and trying to problem solve however you can, it might help to have them talk about some things they are looking forward to.
This does not mean telling them that school is going to be “great,” “fine,” or “fun once they are there,” as these general statements usually don’t help kids (or anyone) that’s stressed out.
Try asking about specific things they enjoy, like seeing their friends, sports/gym, art, and a subject they may like or excel at.
Encouraging Siblings to Work it Out
Sometimes siblings are very first, very best friends. They can be playmates, fierce protectors, role models, confidantes, and so much more. Sibling bonds may be the most supportive, meaningful bonds that kids have in their lives.
Sometimes, though, siblings act like mortal enemies. And sometimes, it’s a little bit of all of the above, all at once. Especially when they have been spending too much time together– like summer break.
With the new school year around the corner and summer coming to an end, tensions may be a little higher, and your kids might be a little stressed and bummed out. This, probably, isn’t helping with the sibling disagreements either.
There are some things that parents can do to give their kids a little extra help trying to keep the peace. Here are some things to consider:
What’s causing the conflict?
Sometimes siblings clash over things that they have to share.
This could be toys, small spaces, or attention.
Is there a solution?
Some parents have the kids trade off who gets to make decisions, like what game to play or movie to watch.
Setting ground rules about sharing can help reduce arguments; they can defer to the rules.
Add some structure.
Some kids need the rules posted so that they can remember to follow and understand them.
Kids thrive with structured schedules, so it may be a good idea to create a schedule and hang it somewhere that is easy for everyone to see.
Highlight routines, chores, and how you intend to divvy this up.
Have some patience.
It may take some time for kids to get used to a new system.
Gentle reminders are encouraged when necessary, but if they seem to be purposely not following the rules, there should be appropriate repercussions.
Sometimes it helps to lay out the consequences ahead of time (i.e. no TV time later if you don’t do your morning routine)
Reinforce the behavior when they work out their issues.
Give them a chance to work out their disagreements without immediately stepping in.
Give words of encouragement whenever they do this; you could say, “Great job sharing with your brother, you know it means a lot to him!”
Ignore them when they whine (as much as you humanly can).
Communicate openly about things that cause friction.
If there are age differences between siblings and the older sibling has slightly different rules, sometimes this makes the younger one feel like things are not fair.
Have discussions about why this is the case.
An example could be a later bedtime for the older child.
Emphasize their individual strengths equally.
Some siblings argue because they struggle with comparing themselves to their siblings; they might feel like they are not as good at certain things.
Teach your kids that everyone is different and some people excel in different ways.
Point out to your children the different strengths that they have, equally.
Emphasize their strengths when they work as a team and the positive aspects of having siblings.
Asking them to complete a task together can encourage them to bond.
When they work together or treat each other with kindness, discuss the specific strengths of them as a team and ways that they worked well.
Of course, it’s normal for siblings to argue. However, sometimes sibling arguments can be a bit too much. It’s important to get ahead of some of these disagreements so that you can make it a teachable moment for them. As always, if you need any additional support, reach out to Amel Counseling & Consulting for a free, 15-minute consultation call today.
The Silver Lining of Boredom
At this point in summer vacation, your kids are probably complaining often about being bored.
As their parents (who likely are not on summer break), it can be challenging to try to come up with ways to keep them entertained.
There is also a lot of pressure from social media on parents to be finding new, unique, Pinterest-board-worthy activities to fill their kids’ days, and that’s not always a sustainable expectation to have for yourselves.
The truth is, it’s okay for kids to just be bored.
Even though it may seem like things are not going their way, or are less than ideal, and they may be frustrated by this, there are a lot of benefits to kids being bored.
Boredom helps kids develop skills that can become valuable for them.
One of these skills is tolerance for when things are not exciting or ideal. Another skill is frustration and emotion regulation, because kids will be required to find a solution to their boredom in a way that encourages good behavior.
Some of the other skills that can be learned when kids are at their most bored are confidence, creativity, and curiosity. They have the opportunity to be imaginative, artistic, ponder about their own interests, and learn new things.
Next time your kid says they are bored, use it as a teachable moment. Say, “Let’s see what you can come up with to do!”
It could be helpful to sit with them and discuss things that they find interesting or care about. These interests can be written down as goals or projects that your kids can turn to when they are feeling the monotony of life.
If you have younger kids, it could be helpful to come up with a range of activities that are not overly time consuming, like dress-up, playing sports outside, or art. It might be a good idea to give them choices of activities and tell them they have to pick one.
If you have older kids or teens, they can take on bigger projects that require more time, patience, and responsibility. This could be something like managing a garden, creating/inventing things, building things, or cooking/baking.
If a project or activity does not go as planned, that’s fine! That is just another skill that boredom teaches: not giving up and coming back from failure.
Boredom is definitely not a fun feeling to have. However, just like any unpleasant feeling, it can be a teachable moment for them to utilize coping skills and self-reflect on what they can do to feel better.
A Therapist Shares 6 Habits that are Actually Anxiety Related
Some personality traits have benefits and positive sides to them, but can also be signs of anxiety if they are taken too far and start to inhibit your everyday life and happiness.
Some behaviors can be due to underlying anxiety that may be going unnoticed and, therefore, unresolved. If you have been feeling off and are unsure about what you are struggling with, here are some habits that you may not realize can be related to anxiety.
Self doubt
Struggle to trust yourself or your own opinions
Imposter syndrome
Tend to be indecisive
Need validation from others
Safety objects
Inanimate objects that you rely on
Don’t feel fully comfortable if you don’t have them
Depending on the person’s age, this can look different
Could be a stuffed toy, headphones, water bottle, sweater
Being surprised when you are relaxed
It feels different when you are not worried
Being relaxed is rare
Find yourself wondering why you are feeling so “chill”
Start to stress that you are forgetting about something or should be worried
Don’t trust the relaxed feeling you are having
Over preparing and over thinking
Feeling stress when you are not in control
Running through various scenarios in your head before doing something
Trying to avoid negative outcomes by being extremely prepared and thought out
Upcoming events make you feel uneasy
Being guarded with your feelings
Similar to wanting to be in control
Struggle to trust people
Tend to brush your anxiety under the rug/ appear standoffish
Slow to warm up to people you don’t know well
Tend to hide any vulnerable or even all emotions until you feel more comfortable
Perfectionism
Trying to excel at everything
Being hard on yourself
Overly ambitious and pushing yourself too far
People-pleasing, wanting to make everybody happy
Unrealistic expectations
If any of these habits resonated with you, it may be a good idea to reach out for some extra support. Whether you are a parent whose child is expressing these concerns, or a teen who is feeling them personally, Amel Counseling is here to help! Reach out today for a free, 15-minute phone consultation today.
Mental Health Tips For Teens Headed to College
As the days move on, and we reach mid-way-through-summer, teens who are going to college this fall could be starting to feel mixed emotions anywhere from excited to anxious.
The beginning of the school year is a little over a month away, but it’s super important to check in and make sure teens feel mentally and emotionally prepared to leave for college. These conversations can start to happen as soon as possible.
Teens, though you may tend to procrastinate, experts don’t advise that you wait until you’re fully living on campus to start thinking about how to protect your mental health and emotional well-being.
Here are some tips for parents and teens who want to start preemptively preparing themselves for their big move to college:
Look at what the college has to offer as far as extracurriculars and clubs together.
This helps prevent feelings of loneliness and isolation.
Broadening their social network and support system can be good for people living in a new place.
Having roommates is another way to prevent possibly feeling like they don’t have a place.
Extracurriculars and clubs can also encourage exploration and learning about new interests.
Prioritize health and wellness.
Sleep is really important, and a lot of teens struggle with not getting enough sleep; if this is something you struggle with, try to prioritize getting 8 hours a night this summer.
Make sure you move your body in some way that makes you feel good (yoga, walks, working out, running, etc)
Start incorporating foods into your diet that make you feel good too, whether that means ordering a salad with your pizza or drinking nutritious smoothies.
Lowering screen time can also really help teens get better sleep or feel more motivated to move their bodies.
Have real and open conversations about drinking.
Teens will likely drink socially in college if they have not already; this may make parents nervous, but there are ways to have this conversation that prioritize their safety.
Discussing this openly can help prevent teens from giving in to pressure with anything that makes them uncomfortable.
Understanding limits, setting boundaries, and making plans for safety should take priority over being judgemental, strict, or controlling.
It’s important for teens to practice setting these limitations now before they go away, and knowing that their parents will be there for them if they need them.
Connect with the school’s counseling center and ask the right questions, so that your teen and family can know the policies and have a plan in place if you need to use them.
Is there an on-call counselor 24 hours a day, or some sort of after hours emergency service? Is there some sort of text line available or resident advisers for students?
Are students allowed to visit the counseling center as much as they need to for free? What services are provided?
What accommodations are available for students with disabilities, and do these accommodations apply for students with emotional disorders? An example of this could be note takers.
What is the school’s policy on taking leaves of absence for mental health purposes.
Have conversations with your family about mental health.
Discuss anything that may run in your family or that parents experienced in college, as this can be a common age of prognosis.
Put a plan into place if your mental health starts to waver when you move
Make sure nobody feels judged about their feelings or emotions, and validate/ de-stigmatize it.
As always, if your teen or family would like to receive additional supports outside of the advice that this blog has discussed, Amel Counseling & Consulting is always here for you. Reach out today and schedule a free, 15-minute phone consultation and ask to schedule with one of our teen or family therapists!
How to Help Kids Express Anger
Anger sometimes has a bad reputation, and gets labeled as a “negative emotion.” However, it’s a natural, primal human emotion that starts to develop as early as infancy.
Though it’s perfectly normal, when your child gets angry and worked up, it can be incredibly stressful. It can be a huge help to try to understand what message the anger itself is trying to give.
If you, like many parents, are wondering how to teach your kids to deal with and express their anger, here are some tips!
Don’t be afraid of temper tantrums/ outbursts. Though unpleasant, tantrums can tell you a lot about your kid or teen’s needs.
Are they over scheduled?
Do they need more of something (i.e. sleep), or less of something (i.e. screen time)?
Is there something more going on that you may need more support with, such as anxiety, depression, bullying, ADHD, ASD?
Try to remain calm. Yelling at a kid or teen who is already worked up will only escalate the situation.
Try to respond with compassion.
Make sure you take your child somewhere safe so that they don’t get hurt.
Model calmness, even though you are stressed, so that they see how you handle things.
Identifying triggers is super important. The goal is not to eliminate anger, but to teach them how to handle it in the best way.
Identifying triggers can take time.
Look for the moments when their frustration levels are starting to reach their boiling point.
For some kids, this is loud noises, crowded spaces, hunger, fatigue, being told no, or being overstimulated.
Calming strategies are key.
Kids need to find their own ways to self-regulate, ideally before their emotions get too intense for them.
Their calming strategies may be different from yours, which is okay.
Explore different outlets for anger, such as breathing exercises. This may take some experimentation.
In an ideal world, you will steer them to use their calming strategies whenever you see them beginning to get frustrated.
Although anger is a very natural emotion, there is a point where it’s possible you may need to reach out for additional support. Parents of kids and teens should try to be mindful of if their anger is intense or constant. It’s super important that they are still able to do what they need to do in school, with family, and when socializing with peers without their irritability getting in the way.
If you feel like your child or teen’s anger is too out of control, and it’s affecting their everyday life, reach out for a free, 15-minute phone consultation with Amel Counseling & Consulting today to schedule sessions with a therapist.
Strategies for a Relaxing Summer Break
One difficulty that a lot of parents have when it comes to their kids is when school ends and summer break begins. Life gets busy, routines change, and some of the structure their kids previously have kind of falls off.
We get it! It happens.
But, for kids who struggle with emotional, developmental, and mental health issues, this change can be rough, and can start to throw them (and your whole household) for a loop.
Kids thrive with structure. It makes them feel more safe and comfortable, and this is even more true for kids who have anxiety, ADHD, autism, etc. This could be why your kid actually does better throughout the school year and is having a harder time this summer.
So, what are some tips to regain a sense of structure that is reminiscent of school, and have a successful summer break?
Reward the “good” behaviors.
Examples of good rewards are special outings, a point system where they earn stickers/tokens and can add them up and trade it in for something, or verbal praise
Rewards are super important for kids who are struggling emotionally or behaviorally
It shows them that, when they exhibit pleasant behavior, everyone wins
Ignoring the small, unwanted or unpleasant behaviors is a good way of giving the message that acting out will not give them what they want
Maintain a routine
Keeping their usual bedtimes and meal times (or following as closely as you can) is important
Kids who struggle with anxiety can benefit from a schedule being posted where they can see it
Keep the “staples” of the everyday routine (getting ready, meal times, chore times), and then plan other activities or outings around it (play dates, pool time, playground)
Take care of yourself
It’s really important for parents to check in with themselves and their needs as well, since summer break can be so exhausting
If you need breaks, take breaks! Hire a sitter or leave kids with family members
It’s normal if your kids are acting out more, but also very draining for you, so give yourself some grace
Play outdoors
Playing outside is important for kids because they get physical exercise and will likely behave better when they are less bored
It’s important that kids always have supervision outside
If camp is an option, this could be good for kids who need more structure and outdoor playtime
Kids need breaks from screens, as screens can be comforting in the moment but can create more long term anxiety as a child gets more reliant on it
As always, it’s super important to note that parents are human too and do not need to be perfect. Having a picture-perfect family is an extremely unattainable and unrealistic goal. Each family has its struggles and stressors. If your child is struggling a little extra with the changes that summer break brings, you are not alone! Try different things and see what works.
And, as always, if you feel as though you could benefit from extra support, we have child therapists who can do that! Reach out to Amel Counseling & Consulting today for a free, 15-minute phone consultation and start your journey!
Party Ideas for Kids with Sensory Input Difficulties
Birthday parties, holidays, and other celebrations can be a pretty overwhelming environment for kids who struggle with sensory input. You may have a child who needs more sensory stimulation than others, or you may have a child who gets easily overstimulated and needs less than others. You may even have both.
Kids who tend to need more sensory stimulation may get bored easily and become distraught, or even have meltdowns. Kids who get overstimulated more easily may have outbursts or meltdowns if a place is too loud, too quiet, or if something feels uncomfortable to them.
It can be hard for parents to navigate hosting celebrations when they can be so stressful for their highly sensitive children. You want your child to have a good time and be comfortable, but you also want your guests to enjoy themselves too.
It can be difficult to balance the needs of everyone when there is such a vast range between the ways the guests process sensory input.
Here are a few ways to host an inclusive event that is sensory-friendly and a fun environment for everyone involved.
Allow for choice.
Share the party plan with your child ahead of time
Let them know what to expect as far as guest count and activities
Ask other parents to let you know if there are other sensory concerns
Let singing, dancing, or other potentially overwhelming activities be optional
Separate the different activities into zones.
Keep the high-energy activities in their own areas
Create zones for the louder activities, such as outdoors, basement, playroom
Provide a quiet space for kids to take breaks
Keep the sensory activities more structured.
Kids who need more sensory stimulation can benefit from physical activity, but will need a chaperone to keep things even-keel
Water games, finger painting, and races are examples of sensory activities
Keep them on a timeline so that kids don’t get overstimulated
Allow kids to take breaks or sit out on the games when they feel they need to
Sensory-friendly options are super important for parents of children who have sensory processing difficulties. If you are the parent of a child who struggles with sensory input, and feel that you could benefit from more support, reach out for a free, 15-minute consultation call today. Amel Counseling and Consulting has child and teen therapists who can support you!
Otherwise, happy party planning!
Adjustment Disorders Among Kids and Teens
Adjustment disorders are among the most common diagnoses among children and adolescents.
A kid or teen may be diagnosed with an adjustment disorder if they have gone through a big life change and are struggling to adapt to it. This big life change may be a stressful event that made them feel a lack of control in an area of their life.
Sometimes, parents may miss the symptoms of an adjustment disorder because they did not view the life change as big, or stressful, but depending on the child or teen’s age, it may have been considered a big change to them.
Adjustment disorders are typically temporary, lasting 3-6 months depending on the situation.
It is still imperative to take the child’s or adolescent’s feelings seriously, regardless of how big or small you feel the event may be.
Any stressful event can lead to an adjustment disorder.
Some examples of big changes that may lead to an adjustment disorder are:
divorce
moving homes
changing schools
having a younger sibling
a divorced parent dating/ moving in with their partner
moving from in-person to virtual school (or vice versa)
a pet dying
a friend or family member moving away, and so much more
How do you know if your kid or teen is struggling with an adjustment disorder?
The trademark sign of an adjustment disorder is when a child or teen has an unusually strong behavioral or emotional reaction following any of the stressful events previously listed, within three months of it occurring. This reaction is not only unusually strong or disproportionate to the event, but also out of the ordinary for what is considered typical for them.
There are also different kinds of adjustment disorders:
Adjustment disorder with depressed mood
This type is categorized by feelings of hopelessness and lack of motivation within the reaction to the stressful event.
Adjustment disorder with anxiety
This type has symptoms of feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or worried following the stressful event they are struggling to adapt to. Kids may also struggle to separate from parents.
Adjustment disorder with mixed anxiety and depressed mood
This type is categorized by feeling both depressed and anxious following the stressful event.
Adjustment disorder with disturbance of conduct
This type involves symptoms of behavioral problems within the reaction to the stressful event.
Adjustment disorder with mixed disturbance of emotions and conduct
This type is categorized by symptoms that are a combination of depressed mood, anxiety, and behavioral issues.
Adjustment disorder unspecified
This type involves symptoms that don’t really fit into the other categories and can sometimes be hard to pin down. These may be physical symptoms, problems with relationships, or struggling in school.
Adjustment disorder may be common, but it is also very treatable. If you feel like your kid or teen may be struggling with adjustment disorder after reading this post, you will be happy to hear that therapy is a very successful way to treat it!
If you feel like your child could use some extra support following a stressful event, and want to seek therapy for them to help them adjust, call today to schedule a free, 15-minute phone consultation with one of our child or teen therapists!
LGBTQ+ Kids and Teens
The clinicians at Amel Counseling and Consulting are always working toward providing a supportive space for our LGBTQ+ clients and their families, and prioritize being allies for the community.
In honor of Pride Month, it feels fitting to share information for parents and how they can support their LGBTQ+ kids, particularly when they are going through the process of coming out.
Coming out can cause your child to feel very mixed emotions. They may feel relieved, scared, and everything in between. Because this process can be a combination of daunting and critical, the support of their parents is absolutely essential.
The process of coming out to their loved ones can be rocky and painful; there may be some friends, classmates, extended family, and co-workers who did not receive the news well (or even some who said hurtful things).
While this is not something you have the ability to shield or shelter your child from, this makes your response as their parent even more important.
Let’s talk about your feelings as a parent.
You are human first. It’s perfectly normal for you to have your own, vulnerable, even distressing feelings about your child coming out to you as LGBTQ+. However, it is imperative to not express those feelings to them. It’s always important to keep in mind what is best for your child. Another thing many parents struggle with is learning that they were not the first to learn of this news and, in many cases, were the last. This is extremely common and nothing to be concerned about. Oftentimes kids will disclose to other kids first, such as friends or peers who may be in the LGBTQ+ community. They may then choose to disclose to other trusted adults (outside of the family) next, just to test the waters. Try not to take this personally; it’s normal for them to talk to like-minded individuals first and also for them to be a little worried about disappointing their parents at first. At the end of the day, they came to you, and that’s what matters.
Now, let’s talk about how to manage those feelings.
If you have these strong feelings of stress, anxiety, and sadness, it would be a good idea to seek your own support, whether it be a parent support group, a therapist, parent coaching, or marriage counseling if you are having a difficult time with your child coming out as LGBTQ+.
Now, let’s talk about your response to your child.
The LGBTQ+ community has staggering statistics of suicidal ideations for feeling that their lifestyle is not accepted by the people in their world. Others leave home, cut off family members, become homeless, etc. As a parent, these are things you never, ever want your child to feel is their only option. You want to send the message that you are so thankful that they are telling you, that you are glad they feel comfortable to open up to you, and that you want to understand more about what is going on. You want your child to feel like they can be honest with you so that you can work to figure out what the best next step would be. If you have questions, ask them calmly when they are ready to talk about it further.
Let’s talk about your child’s needs.
Your child needs you to listen without judgment, validation, and support. You don’t want to minimize the important step that they have taken by choosing to come out. You also don’t want to take that step for them and inform anyone that they are LGBTQ+ for them. Make sure that your child knows that you love them, that you are there for them, and are ready for whatever their next steps may be whenever they feel ready for it. Maybe your child just wanted to come out and is not ready to talk about it any further. Maybe your child has started to come out and is facing some obstacles in their relationships and needs a therapist to process their feelings about this.
If you are the parent of a child or adolescent who has recently come out as LGBTQ+, and you think it would be helpful for them to receive further support individually, you want your own support as a parent, or you want to begin sessions as a family, reach out to Amel Counseling and Consulting for a free, 15-minute consultation call today! We are here for you.
Neurodiversity in Children and Teens
Neurodiversity is a word that basically describes the ways a variety of people think.
It is used to destigmatize the different ways people’s brains work, the idea being that there is no “normal” or “correct” way. There are, instead, many ways that people learn, think, and retain information.
This is especially important when discussing children and teens, because this affects the way that schools determine their approach to neurodiversity.
Teachers and school staff could either teach only in one style, or they could be informed about the different ways both neurotypical and neurodivergent children process information and understand that they may require more support.
The idea of neurodiversity is not only to be informed about it, but also to encourage and embrace the differences between people and the way their brains work.
Neurodiversity also emphasizes the strengths that kids and teens have because of the way that their minds work. A major goal is for people to make life more accessible to those who see the world differently, instead of assuming everybody sees things from the same perspective.
So, what populations are considered neurodivergent?
People with diagnoses such as Autism, Learning Disorders, and ADHD are among those considered to be neurodivergent.
They learn differently, they express themselves differently, they have different talents, and they thrive in different environments.
Knowing this, it would be beneficial for them to receive information in ways that use and play on their strengths.
With all of this being said, learning about neurodiversity is important because more and more children and adolescents are identifying as neurodivergent. It is becoming increasingly common, especially with the internet and forums where a lot of information exists about these diagnoses.
Regardless of a formal diagnosis, kids and teens who recognize that they think differently than the majority of their peers may find a sense of community with the neurodivergent population.
It can also help them form a sense of identity and autonomy when they find their space and place in the world, and feel less alone to learn that others think the same way as them.
What can you do as a parent of a kid or teen who either has a formal diagnosis that is considered neurodivergent, or of a kid or teen who self-identifies as neurodivergent?
You can empathize with the struggles or difficulties they may be having in school if there are little to no accommodations for the neurodiverse.
You can consider having them formally evaluated and diagnosed, especially if it would help their case in school and help their teachers see their perspective better.
You can support their feelings and sense of community and identity.
You can learn about neurodivergence, particularly in the way that your child presents or manifests it, and choose to focus on their strengths rather than seeing it as a weakness or less than. It is not a deficit simply because it is different.
You can also consider seeking additional support, such as a child or teen therapist, who can help them manage their big emotions that may come with the frustrations of living in a world that is not as accessible to them as to others.
If your child or teen is neurodivergent, it’s also possible that they have some symptoms that can cause stress, such as anxiety, overstimulation, meltdowns, anger, and more.
If you would like additional support, reach out to a therapist at Amel Counseling & Consulting today and schedule a free, 15-minute phone consultation. We want to help your kid/ teen thrive.