How to Help Kids Express Anger

Anger sometimes has a bad reputation, and gets labeled as a “negative emotion.” However, it’s a natural, primal human emotion that starts to develop as early as infancy.

Though it’s perfectly normal, when your child gets angry and worked up, it can be incredibly stressful. It can be a huge help to try to understand what message the anger itself is trying to give.

If you, like many parents, are wondering how to teach your kids to deal with and express their anger, here are some tips!

1. Don’t be afraid of temper tantrums/ outbursts. Though unpleasant, tantrums can tell you a lot about your kid or teen’s needs.

   1. Are they over scheduled?

   2. Do they need more of something (i.e. sleep), or less of something (i.e. screen time)?

   3. Is there something more going on that you may need more support with, such as anxiety, depression, bullying, ADHD, ASD?

2. Try to remain calm. Yelling at a kid or teen who is already worked up will only escalate the situation.

   1. Try to respond with compassion.

   2. Make sure you take your child somewhere safe so that they don’t get hurt.

   3. Model calmness, even though you are stressed, so that they see how you handle things.

3. Identifying triggers is super important. The goal is not to eliminate anger, but to teach them how to handle it in the best way.

   1. Identifying triggers can take time.

   2. Look for the moments when their frustration levels are starting to reach their boiling point.

   3. For some kids, this is loud noises, crowded spaces, hunger, fatigue, being told no, or being overstimulated.

4. Calming strategies are key.

   1. Kids need to find their own ways to self-regulate, ideally before their emotions get too intense for them.

   2. Their calming strategies may be different from yours, which is okay.

   3. Explore different outlets for anger, such as breathing exercises. This may take some experimentation.

   4. In an ideal world, you will steer them to use their calming strategies whenever you see them beginning to get frustrated.

Although anger is a very natural emotion, there is a point where it’s possible you may need to reach out for additional support. Parents of kids and teens should try to be mindful of if their anger is intense or constant. It’s super important that they are still able to do what they need to do in school, with family, and when socializing with peers without their irritability getting in the way.

If you feel like your child or teen’s anger is too out of control, and it’s affecting their everyday life, reach out for a free, 15-minute phone consultation with Amel Counseling & Consulting today to schedule sessions with a therapist.