Encouraging Siblings to Work it Out

Sometimes siblings are very first, very best friends. They can be playmates, fierce protectors, role models, confidantes, and so much more. Sibling bonds may be the most supportive, meaningful bonds that kids have in their lives.

Sometimes, though, siblings act like mortal enemies. And sometimes, it’s a little bit of all of the above, all at once. Especially when they have been spending too much time together– like summer break.

With the new school year around the corner and summer coming to an end, tensions may be a little higher, and your kids might be a little stressed and bummed out. This, probably, isn’t helping with the sibling disagreements either.

There are some things that parents can do to give their kids a little extra help trying to keep the peace. Here are some things to consider:

1. What’s causing the conflict?

   1. Sometimes siblings clash over things that they have to share.

   2. This could be toys, small spaces, or attention.

2. Is there a solution?

   1. Some parents have the kids trade off who gets to make decisions, like what game to play or movie to watch.

   2. Setting ground rules about sharing can help reduce arguments; they can defer to the rules.

3. Add some structure.

   1. Some kids need the rules posted so that they can remember to follow and understand them.

   2. Kids thrive with structured schedules, so it may be a good idea to create a schedule and hang it somewhere that is easy for everyone to see.

   3. Highlight routines, chores, and how you intend to divvy this up.

4. Have some patience.

   1. It may take some time for kids to get used to a new system.

   2. Gentle reminders are encouraged when necessary, but if they seem to be purposely not following the rules, there should be appropriate repercussions.

   3. Sometimes it helps to lay out the consequences ahead of time (i.e. no TV time later if you don’t do your morning routine)

5. Reinforce the behavior when they work out their issues.

   1. Give them a chance to work out their disagreements without immediately stepping in.

   2. Give words of encouragement whenever they do this; you could say, “Great job sharing with your brother, you know it means a lot to him!”

   3. Ignore them when they whine (as much as you humanly can).

6. Communicate openly about things that cause friction.

   1. If there are age differences between siblings and the older sibling has slightly different rules, sometimes this makes the younger one feel like things are not fair.

   2. Have discussions about why this is the case.

   3. An example could be a later bedtime for the older child.

7. Emphasize their individual strengths equally.

   1. Some siblings argue because they struggle with comparing themselves to their siblings; they might feel like they are not as good at certain things.

   2. Teach your kids that everyone is different and some people excel in different ways.

   3. Point out to your children the different strengths that they have, equally.

8. Emphasize their strengths when they work as a team and the positive aspects of having siblings.

   1. Asking them to complete a task together can encourage them to bond.

   2. When they work together or treat each other with kindness, discuss the specific strengths of them as a team and ways that they worked well.

Of course, it’s normal for siblings to argue. However, sometimes sibling arguments can be a bit too much. It’s important to get ahead of some of these disagreements so that you can make it a teachable moment for them. As always, if you need any additional support, reach out to Amel Counseling & Consulting for a free, 15-minute consultation call today.