Tolerating Failure

Failing at some things and needing to bounce back is an inevitable lesson we all learn at some point in our lives.

Failure is a part of life. 

When children don’t succeed, it’s important to help them tolerate it and encourage them not to give up. This will make them stronger and more resilient when they are forced to face life’s challenges. 

When children feel that failure is end-all-be-all, or that things going wrong is simply not an option, they are more at risk for meltdowns caused by anxiety and pressure to succeed. 

Not learning how to tolerate anxiety leaves kids more susceptible to anxiety disorders.

How can parents teach kids to fail well?

Here are some tips to encourage your kids to tolerate failure.

• Be empathetic.

  • Your child is allowed to be upset about failing; validate their feelings.

  • Try not to brush off their concerns in an attempt to console them.

  • Even if the failure seems small, it might be big to them.

  • Instead of saying, “it’s no big deal,” say, “I understand that you wanted to do better, and I can see that you are disappointed.”

• Model problem-solving.

  • Learning how to problem solve is one of the biggest lessons from failure.

  • Encourage kids to use failure as a learning experience and have a conversation about it.

  • What can your child do differently next time?

  • What would the best next steps look like so that they can feel better right now?

• Encourage acceptance.

  • It’s normal for things to go wrong sometimes.

  • Model healthy coping skills when they are feeling frustrated, upset, angry, etc–and talk about what they are feeling.

  • Tell your child about a time you failed, what you learned, and how you moved on.

  • Make sure they know that you are not disappointed so that you don’t add pressure.

Although accepting and moving on from failure is a lesson that even adults struggle with, it’s such an important lesson for kids to learn it young. When children fail and think that it’s the worst thing, they put immense pressure on themselves and are more at risk for anxiety and other mental health struggles. If your child learns from a young age that failure is more just an opportunity to learn a life lesson, they will be able to cope with the negative feelings associated with failure. If you feel that you, your child, or your family could use more support in this area, please reach out to Amel Counseling & Consulting for a free, 15-minute consultation call today!