LGBTQ+ Kids and Teens
The clinicians at Amel Counseling and Consulting are always working toward providing a supportive space for our LGBTQ+ clients and their families, and prioritize being allies for the community.
In honor of Pride Month, it feels fitting to share information for parents and how they can support their LGBTQ+ kids, particularly when they are going through the process of coming out.
Coming out can cause your child to feel very mixed emotions. They may feel relieved, scared, and everything in between. Because this process can be a combination of daunting and critical, the support of their parents is absolutely essential.
The process of coming out to their loved ones can be rocky and painful; there may be some friends, classmates, extended family, and co-workers who did not receive the news well (or even some who said hurtful things).
While this is not something you have the ability to shield or shelter your child from, this makes your response as their parent even more important.
Let’s talk about your feelings as a parent.
You are human first. It’s perfectly normal for you to have your own, vulnerable, even distressing feelings about your child coming out to you as LGBTQ+. However, it is imperative to not express those feelings to them. It’s always important to keep in mind what is best for your child. Another thing many parents struggle with is learning that they were not the first to learn of this news and, in many cases, were the last. This is extremely common and nothing to be concerned about. Oftentimes kids will disclose to other kids first, such as friends or peers who may be in the LGBTQ+ community. They may then choose to disclose to other trusted adults (outside of the family) next, just to test the waters. Try not to take this personally; it’s normal for them to talk to like-minded individuals first and also for them to be a little worried about disappointing their parents at first. At the end of the day, they came to you, and that’s what matters.
Now, let’s talk about how to manage those feelings.
If you have these strong feelings of stress, anxiety, and sadness, it would be a good idea to seek your own support, whether it be a parent support group, a therapist, parent coaching, or marriage counseling if you are having a difficult time with your child coming out as LGBTQ+.
Now, let’s talk about your response to your child.
The LGBTQ+ community has staggering statistics of suicidal ideations for feeling that their lifestyle is not accepted by the people in their world. Others leave home, cut off family members, become homeless, etc. As a parent, these are things you never, ever want your child to feel is their only option. You want to send the message that you are so thankful that they are telling you, that you are glad they feel comfortable to open up to you, and that you want to understand more about what is going on. You want your child to feel like they can be honest with you so that you can work to figure out what the best next step would be. If you have questions, ask them calmly when they are ready to talk about it further.
Let’s talk about your child’s needs.
Your child needs you to listen without judgment, validation, and support. You don’t want to minimize the important step that they have taken by choosing to come out. You also don’t want to take that step for them and inform anyone that they are LGBTQ+ for them. Make sure that your child knows that you love them, that you are there for them, and are ready for whatever their next steps may be whenever they feel ready for it. Maybe your child just wanted to come out and is not ready to talk about it any further. Maybe your child has started to come out and is facing some obstacles in their relationships and needs a therapist to process their feelings about this.
If you are the parent of a child or adolescent who has recently come out as LGBTQ+, and you think it would be helpful for them to receive further support individually, you want your own support as a parent, or you want to begin sessions as a family, reach out to Amel Counseling and Consulting for a free, 15-minute consultation call today! We are here for you.
