De-escalating Strategies for Meltdowns

Sometimes kids' emotions get too big for them. Whether it’s stress, sadness, grief, anxiety, frustration, anger, or depression, a lot of times kids will blow up when they don’t know how to express themselves or calm down.

As parents, you are not perfect and nobody expects you to be. You have your own feelings, frustrations, and stress, and emotions to work through. When your child is having a meltdown, it can be really difficult to have controlled responses and know the best possible reaction to have in order to not make matters worse.

If your child has been having meltdowns, there are a lot of different things that you could try doing (or avoid doing) to help de-escalate the situation.

Here are some tips:

1. Avoid making demands

   1. This can agitate the situation

   2. Your child cannot focus on the demands

2. Try being silent

   1. It can calm your child down if you are nonreactive

   2. Talking can make overstimulation worse

3. Try remaining nonjudgmental

   1. It can be important for them to know that you are understanding

   2. They are more likely to try to work out their feelings or open up if they know you won’t hold it against them

4. Try decreasing sensory stimulation

   1. Try turning down the TV or turning off anything that is making a lot of noise

   2. Sometimes background noise, bright lights, or loud sounds can make meltdowns worse

5. Try using calming sensory input

   1. A fuzzy blanket, warm colors, and soft/calming music can make them feel better

   2. Fidgets, stress balls, and stuffed animals can help as well

6. Try deep breathing

   1. This can calm them physiologically

   2. Lowers their heart rate, tells their mind to calm down, and helps them understand they are safe

7. Try using distractions

   1. Music, their favorite show, a book, or toys can help them turn their focus on something else

8. Avoid trying to reason

   1. There is a time and place for reasoning, but mid-meltdown is not it

   2. Logical reasoning is difficult when they are overstimulated or have heightened emotions

9. Avoid yelling 

   1. Yelling can further agitate or upset them

10. Try being aware of your body language

    1. Even though you may be getting frustrated, it’s important to remain calm yourself

    2. You don’t want your child to think they are in trouble

11. Avoid crowding their personal space

    1. They may need some room to “cool down”

12. Try validating their feelings, but not their actions

    1. Tell them you understand why they feel the way that they feel, but there are better ways to express that

    2. After they are calm, you can teach them how to better express their feelings

13. Try answering their questions, but ignore verbal aggression

    1. Sometimes keeping it short and simple is best

    2. If they are agitated or upset because they don’t understand something, calmly answer

    3. Ignore them when they are being verbally aggressive

14. Try getting down to your child’s level

    1. Sometimes sitting on the floor can help

    2. Speak quietly and use words that they understand

15. Try taking a walk or movement break

    1. This can help children “reset”

    2. Changing scenery, moving their body, and getting fresh air can make a huge improvement

If your child is having frequent meltdowns and you feel as though you could use more support in this area, don’t hesitate to reach out for a child therapist at Amel Counseling & Consulting today!