How Grief Can Manifest in Different Age Groups
When a family is grieving, sometimes parents have a very hard time finding the right way to help their kids.
Grief ebbs and flows; some days are better than others. Some days feel like a ton of progress gets made and other days it feels like the day the loss occurred.
There is no one way to help a child or teen who has experienced loss. Trying to find the right things to do can leave parents feeling powerless, helpless, and hopeless.
It is true that everybody is different and grieves in different ways. But, there are some similarities between how children and adolescents manifest grief.
Learning about the different manifestations of grief in different developmental ages can be really helpful to parents. It can provide a bit of insight into what their child may need, apart from what a therapist can provide.
Toddlers:
Children ages 3-5 are in a more child-centered stage of development. As a result, they can tend to be a bit selfish, which is appropriate. After the death of a loved one, they may deal with some more self-focused reactions, emotions, and rationalizations about the death. This is because they were forced to face emotions they are not equipped to at this stage of their life on a developmental level.
These emotions, rationalizations, and reactions may include:
Believing they are at fault for the death
Difficulties participating in age-appropriate activities, such as school, sports, or playtime with peers
Interruptions in their developmental stages or milestones. This may include something like potty training and independent sleeping. But, some backtracking is also possible.
Feelings of insecurity
Difficulties doing things alone
Sadness, anxiety, guilt, and anger
School-Aged Kids:
Children ages 6-11 are advancing in their basic skills. They are beginning to attach cultural value and meaning to them as well. Depending on what the cause of death was, they may have more extreme rationalizations for the death. This may also be affected if a crisis occurred that they experienced. Like toddlers, a school-aged child’s reaction after a loss is due to being forced to confront a situation that they are not prepared for. They may also have their own beliefs or rules about how this all works.
To be more specific, this may look like this:
Having a hard time leaving home, worried they could lose another loved one if they do
Needing more reassurance of their loved one’s safety
Possibly believing that certain actions of theirs can bring their loved one back
Avoiding any activities (or traditions) that may remind them of the loss or bereaved
Interruptions in their developmental stages or milestones. This may include socializing with peers. Or, pondering their identity, and understanding their role in their life. Some kids may become parentified.
Difficulties in school, sports, and joining clubs
Preoccupied with fears or phobias
Sadness, anger, anxiety, and guilt
Adolescents:
Teens ages 12 to 19 may look at the loss in a completely different way than a child would. Often, teens have ups and downs with their loved ones due to their developmental stages of life. Because of this, a lot of teens can have regrets if they lose a loved one and feel like they had a lot of arguments with them. Much like children, a teen’s reaction after a loss is due to having to confront a situation they are not equipped with on a developmental level.
The ways this may present in a teenager would be:
Self-esteem and identity issues
Becoming preoccupied with the death
Guilt about what they should have done in a different way
Becoming withdrawn on a social level, afraid of further loss
Acting out in school or at home
Guarded body language or attitude
Poor school performance
Grief exists in many forms
These are a few examples of more typical reactions of kids and teens to a loss that occurred in their age groups. Every child is different. So, it is possible that your child or adolescent has had a different emotional response. Or, it may present with a behavioral symptom that is not listed. There are many factors that may cause this to vary. This may include co-occurring diagnoses. Or, the cause of death of the bereaved, and the relationships/support systems your child has.
With that said, your kid or teen may be portraying behaviors and emotions that you feel like you need help with. If so, Amel has grief therapists that can help your child process their grief. Schedule a free, 15-minute consultation today!
Begin Grief Counseling in Philadelphia, PA
Grief may look different based on the person experiencing it. But, we can offer support, regardless of your symptoms. Our caring therapists can offer high-quality counseling services from our Philadelphia, PA-based practice. To start your counseling journey, please follow these simple steps:
Meet with a caring therapist
Start coping with grief and start living a full life!
Other Services Offered with Amel Therapy
Grief counseling isn't the only service our team of therapists offers. We are happy to offer a variety of services from our Philadelphia, PA-based practice. We offer online therapy services across the state. Our team supports children, teens, teens and kids of color, and parents. We also offer other types of other parent support. In addition, we also offer trauma therapy, play therapy, and support groups as well. These include the worry warriors, culturally confident teen group, and teen girls group. Learn more by visiting our blog or by learning more about our team today!
