How Can I Get My Kid to do Chores?
By Juliana Lewellen
This is an age-old question among parents, especially with families who have been quarantining together and just outright getting on each other’s nerves.
Parents often say that their kids just do not want to do their chores, and then they describe arguments about it that result in power struggles with their children.
A lot of times parents will give up and feel burnt out, and say things like, “My kid just won’t do them. I could threaten everything under the sun but he doesn’t care.”
Although these fights can be a pain, it is obviously important that kids learn the importance of helping out around the house and pitching in.
Here are some tips so that you, as a parent, don’t have to find yourself in a place where you are arguing with your child about chores until the cows come home.
Create a routine: Sometimes I recommend to parents to create a fun-looking chart with bright colors, outlining the chores of the house. Laminate it, and use a dry-erase marker to write your kids’ names in their favorite color for each chore. If they’re old enough, let them sign up themselves! This is a good area to allow some autonomy. You could give them choices of which chore they would rather do. It would also be important to make sure that your expectations are clear; make sure your kid knows how to do the chore properly before you assign it. And don’t forget to check in on them to make sure they are sweeping your hardwood floors with the right end of the broom.
Give specific instructions for your younger kids and your kids with attention challenges. Take the extra step to say, “Please put your blocks in your toy bin,” rather than vaguely saying, “Clean the living room.” This often can cause arguments because you will be frustrated when your child did not understand what they meant, and they can also become frustrated because they feel like they did what you said when they rearranged your decorations. Small steps are key.
Consider a good reward system. This really depends on your child and what they find rewarding, but a good reward system really makes or breaks this process. Most children thrive best on a token system, whether it be a weekly allowance or tokens that they can trade in for prizes. Other children prefer a treat or some one-on-one time with their parents. Regardless, the extra incentive can really be helpful to you as a parent. The most important aspect of your reward system is that you make it clear to your child ahead of time and allow them to aid in putting together a system that they agree upon and find fair.
Remain calm. Everybody is going to have their off-days. Sometimes adults forget that children have days filled with stress, anxiety, depression, etc. It is important to not write this off and force your child to do their chores without acknowledging they may be experiencing one of these off-days. Make sure you are encouraging a little self care with your child and practicing patience with them before you get upset about their moodiness.