The disappointment that comes with rejection is difficult for anybody to manage and deal with, but especially for children. This is something that adults become better about with life experience, age, and maturity, and does not come naturally for many kids.
It's hard for a lot of people to remember not to blame ourselves when we don’t reach our own goals. These feelings can sometimes be inevitable, but as parents it is good to use this situation as a learning experience so that your kids can take away how to be resilient and not allow rejection to discourage them from trying anything else.
Here are ways you can help them:
Validate their experience and comfort them
Normalize their feelings
Make them feel valid for being discouraged; it happens
When they feel understood, they develop a sense of self
The better they get at tolerating uncomfortable feelings, the easier it is to handle next time
Try not to minimize their feelings in hopes of making them feel better
Sit with them in their disappointment and have empathy before moving forward
Make failure feel safe
Failure can be the best learning experience
Failing can be a good opportunity to reassess goals and come up with a game plan
Teach them that they can try again
It is normal for lack of motivation for occur when people fail
There is always another chance to succeed after failure
character is more valuable than achievements
Although you will always want the best for your kids, try not to put too much pressure on them to succeed
Self worth is not defined by achievements
Being a good person, being kind, and other values of your family are more important than being the best at things
When they succeed, place focus on their work ethic rather than the end result
Give them a chance to work it out themselves
Take the back seat for a bit
We want to protect kids, but we don’t want to shelter them
You don’t want to stunt their ability to solve their problems
Don’t try to intervene on their behalf, but instead work together
Let your child take the lead
This will give them the confidence for future situations and it’ll prove to you that they are capable of working through their struggles
Dealing with rejection and failure is hard. Sometimes kids don’t get onto the sports team they want, the role for the play they love, invited to their friends’ parties, into their top college, or the grades they thought they deserve. These things happen; it can be a wonderful learning experience if handled properly. It’s normal for kids to be upset and it’s important to validate this and make it feel safe for them to feel it before moving on to what to do next together. As always, if you need more support with helping your child handle rejection or the way that your child handles feelings of discouragement, you can always reach out to Amel Counseling for support. Call today and schedule a free, 15-minute consultation with our therapists and see what we can do for you!