How do I tell my kid they’re going to therapy?

Your child has been struggling for months. After google searches and phone consults, you finally found a therapist. However, what’s looming up ahead is the next challenge

How do I tell my kid they're going to therapy? 

Here are some tips from a children and teens therapist on how to have this conversation 

Don’t ambush them with the appointment 

Not telling your child and waiting til they’re at the appointment does seem like the easiest way to tell your child they’re going to therapy. You don’t have to deal with them refusing to go, and if the therapist is there, they can help, right?  Ideally, yes, a therapist would be there to help, but they’re a stranger to your kid. There’s not much support they can offer when they haven’t worked with your child yet.  Ambushing your child with therapy destroys any trust that they have with you, and makes it even more difficult for your child to trust your therapist. 

Do give your child a heads up, and talk to your child about it

Usually about a week before is a good amount of time for the conversation. For more anxious kids 2-3 days is enough notice. Too early of a warning can make an anxious child even more anxious and cause issues transitioning to the appointment

Don’t have the conversation during an argument or after they get in trouble

This conversation should be at a time where things are calm, and privately away from siblings. If this conversation is had during an argument your child may see it as a punishment, making your child not want to go.

Do have a conversation that normalizes therapy 

Ask your child what they know about therapy already. This information can let you know what biases your child may already have about therapy and people who go to therapy 

Use age appropriate language to explain Therapy to your child 

Young children: “a therapist is someone who helps with big emotions, and helps you feel better. They’re like a doctor for your feelings!” 

Older Elementary: “Seeing a therapist is a normal thing that lots of kids and adults do. Sometimes people need extra support with feelings, stress, friendships, school, or changes in life. A therapist is someone who helps people understand what they’re feeling and teaches them tools to make things easier.”

tweens/teens:“I know therapy might sound awkward or unnecessary, but it’s honestly just support. A lot of teens and adults — talk to therapists. It’s not because something is ‘wrong’ with you. It’s a place where you can talk openly, figure out what’s stressing you out, and learn better ways to handle things.

Don’t bribe your child to go to therapy 

A bribe is usually a last minute effort to get the child into the therapy office. Although it may get them through the threshold, it has several negative consequences 

Gives the impression that therapy is a negative activity the child needs to get through in order to get something they want 

A child’s investment is lower in doing the actual therapy when they know they just have to attend to get a reward 

Makes therapy transactional, not a place for learning and growth

Your child’s demands for bribes will increase as appointments continue

Do remind your child you’re there to support and that you love them 

Some kids will take time to process having to start therapy. They may hate or dislike you for having them go. Remember to keep your cool when your child is upset. Remind them that as their parent you’re there to support and help them grow. Although they may not like it, you’re making this decision out of love and wanting to better their lives.